Megan writes, "I met this guy about one month ago. He came in to deliver a package (Fedex). He started having conversation with me. He seemed pretty cool and because I just got out of a little fling with a guy that was 11 years older than me, well, I decided that I should start getting out meeting people and here he comes along. Anyway I was telling him about my birthday and he asked, "How old will you be? 34?" I said, "No; I will be 43," and he said, "You look so young." I have been told that by men and women. Looking at him with all the facial hair I assumed that he was about 36 and I said well it's nothing wrong with dating someone or having a friendship with someone that is just 7 years younger. I was wrong. He is only 26. I was like I have been around the corner and back and you are just trying to turn the corner. He said that age is just a number. Well, I decided to let him take me out to dinner and it was okay. He then took me to the game room, which I'm not into games, but I enjoyed the tennis match. He does have an old mindset. He listens to old love and sad songs, which really surprised me. I just knew he was going to have rap on. Anyway the age thing is getting to me. Sometimes I think he just wanted to hook up with an older woman to see what it feels like. It's something about him I don't trust, but can't put my finger on it. Oh, and besides I'm 16 years older. Well, to make a long story short he comes up here un-announced and he doesn't even have a package for me. I'm trying to find a way to tell him don't do that. The last time he said I hurt his feelings. All I said was I used to be a player and I know one when I see one, which I think I feel like that because of the bad relationship I just came out of 4 months ago. I'm not ready to date anyone, and mainly not a 26 year old, but I think he is really feeling me. I like him as a person and find him sexy. I did get him a kiss when he took me out to say thank you and I must say he had soft lips. I'm so confused! I never dated anyone that young before and I just think younger men are cheaters and like one of your readers said "how does she know if her young lover not drop her for a younger woman." I mean it is summer time and the ladies are out with their with their short skirts and cute outfits, as well as I am. I guess that's why people also think I'm young. Anyway what is your take on this?"

I actually get emails like this almost every day. These are my thoughts.

1. Never assume anything. How can you be sure that all young men are cheats?
2. If you look and feel young, well, take advantage of this. There are women in their 40s who behave like my grandma in her 80s.
3. Yes, young men can be accused of many things (I have got hundreds of stories of young guys who just wanted bragging rights or the thrill of dating and having sex with a desperate, sex-starved mature woman or were just desperate for a date with anyone or whatever else drove them) but isn't that true for men of any age dating a woman their age?
4. Based on what you tell me, I do see that you both appear to have some initial chemistry. And I have heard from dozens of men, women, and couples who are in beautiful relationships despite huge age gaps. The reason is the same that holds a marriage of a couple with similar age together: love, respect, shared goals, compatibility, and common interests. In other words, there is much more going on for you two than a crush or fetish.

My conclusion is that it is too early for you to kill this. And it will be a "sin" (and I don't mean it in the religious sense) to deny this pleasure to you and to him. So go ahead and explore him and see where things end up. It is OK to be upfront about your doubts and tell him that you still want to give it a chance and that is why you are dating him. People regret what they did not do rather than what they did. If he is otherwise a good man, I think he deserves a chance and his age should not be held against him.

So go ahead with an open mind, give your best to it as you would do a man in your age group, and see what happens. And yep, keep those outfits cute; my wife and I who are exactly your age look and feel as we were 20 years ago and are proud of it.

I had told a 40-year old woman who is still single, "At this point, most men are married, and the ones that are single are either divorced or have had a few relationships that did not lead to a happy marriage. Wonderful that these men maybe, they are also more likely to be somewhat cynical and skeptical. That just makes it harder for them and the women they date to move forward easily."

She wrote to me and here is her response:

"Seeing that you have so many articles on your site about older women dating younger men, maybe I don't have to limit myself to looking for men around my age who can be cynical and skeptical. Maybe I should broaden my options. At any rate, I get mostly younger guys coming on to me anyway and I rarely date guys my age. However, I am very careful because it seems I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Because I don't look my age (although what does a 40 year old supposed to look like?), I am that age, so though I attract younger guys, I don't want to end up being the proverbial Mrs. Robinson, if you know what I mean.

While it is the norm for older men to date and marry younger women, most guys don't see themselves in long-term committed relationships with women significantly older than they are because of the children factor or for various other preconceived notions. I understand their skepticism; however, I am not going to sell myself short just because of my age. In my mind, I'm every bit as viable, and vibrant as someone in their 20's even if society doesn't think so."

I still have some suggestions for a woman in similar circumstances. I would suggest that you approach dating younger men with caution. Yes, I have heard from couples like that who are deeply in love, and happily married, but there is also a small group of relationships that did not work out (of course, that is true for couples with no age gap too). It is a bit tricky for those men that want to have a family but will find it difficult with a woman that is 40+, but then not all men want children (and some may already have kids from a previous relationship). As long as you are direct and honest that you do not want to have a relationship with a younger guy just to show him off as a trophy or to experience sex with him, you can attract the right kind of guys.

Catherine, a 71-year old single woman, writes, "Well how about 40 and 50 years difference? I am amazed and really would like to do research on this. Just this past weekend I had 22, 24 and 25 year olds here in town as well as 34 and a 36 year old elsewhere interested - juggling 2 at a time on MSN! The ones in town want to date me and they are the ones in their twenties. I am pretty sure that they have no ulterior motives, regarding money anyway, as they work at the plants here. They are lonesome - many single people are. I have started asking "Why me?" and and they say they like older - and I am sexy - there is no doubt they are turned on - but that is the lot of most guys in their 20's (30's, 40's...) anyway. There has been such a "Barbie" "youth" fetish on this continent for years that perhaps it has palled for some. I think the age differences matter less in Europe. I have heard words like - maturity, intelligence, sensuality, sexy, life - when I ask why. I am very real with these guys and very straight - as I am everywhere. There are enough of them that I do believe it represents something about society - but not something that will be easily analyzed. Some one has suggested to me that too many women have fallen into the Redbook/Cosmopolitan traps of "How To..." and therefore are not real. Another wonders if the isolation that occurs due to current technology and social habits of the younger generation is a factor. Currently I am somewhat serious with a 51 year old and we are planning to meet. That age difference seems so minor to me now. I know your site deals with age differences in both directions, and not quite this topic, but I was wondering if you have gleaned any insights related to what I have written above. I include my unedited photo online - but it is not just that - it is the profiles I write and also the interaction we have online. The youngest ones do not even mention that I do not look 71 - the 40 to 50 years old do. The whole situation particularly interested me when I was messaging 2 twenty-some year olds at once and was having essentially the same conversation with each."

Well, if you read my blog and if you have watched several TV programs on the subject, there are many couples out there with such vast differences, though, I think people still tend to look at them with skepticism, and often accuse the woman of trapping the guy or the guy being attracted to the woman's wealth. I have heard from some men who love these women even though she is not wealthy and has turned away their advances.

So, we can divide these men into several categories:

1. Greedy men who want a woman's wealth after she dies.
2. Lonely men who have been rejected so often by women in their age group that they have given up on them.
3. Men who assume that an older woman is more likely desperate for sex and intimacy and is thus easy to manipulate for whatever they have in mind.
4. Men who are fascinated by the idea of sex with an older woman. You know the ones who lusted for their friend's mom in school or their teachers or a neighbor or even an aunt. This has been romanticized a lot in movies and literature and with so many of our Hollywood icons being in their 40s and 50s, many boys grow up liking older women.
5. There are a lot of single, older women (divorce, late marriages, never married, etc.) available in our society these days.
6. Many older women are intelligent, confident, and far more interesting than a girl in her 20s, for example. What man would not be attracted to all that?

I think when these men interact with you and want to spend time with you, it is some combination of all of the above.

If you are up for it, I would encourage you to actually explore dating with these men in 20s, if not for anything serious, but at least for finding out more about you and them. I am sure I will learn a lot from your experience and through my blog I can pass on the wisdom to other men and women exploring relationships with such huge gaps.

Norah writes, "Your advice to a woman dating a man more than 30 years older than her was very useful. But what about a 70+ year old woman and a 50+ year old man. What is your take on this relationship since Americans are so opposed to the older woman-younger man relationship."

Yes, somewhat less common, but I no longer agree with the statement that Americans are opposed to older woman-younger man relationship. Power is clearly more evenly distributed between men and women now than it was 50 years ago as some women are increasingly making more money than men.

Obviously, there will be men who will tease you or ridicule your younger partner (and women who will give you a hard time due to jealousy), but in the end, people will do that with something else anyway. The best way to deal with this is to simply ignore them.

If you have found the right man and he is not afraid and embarrassed to be with you, go ahead and pursue the relationship. People generally back off when you show them you are serious about the relationship and you are willing to take on the world to pursue your dream.

Josh writes,"I met a woman who is 39 years old and I'm 23 years old. I like this woman and I plan on marrying her. The only reason is that I don't know if my family accepts that I want to marry her. I have been looking for an engagement ring for her because I want to propose to her. What should I do and also would we be able to have kids in the future?"

Well, congratulations, because such relationships are now fairly common and at least as successful as others.

Now regarding acceptance by your family, well, what is more important to you. Your own happiness or that of your family? Will you still marry a girl your age if she were of a different race and your family opposed it? What if she came from a poor family? Or did not have the education your family wanted?

While it is awesome to make your family happy, in the end, it is all about you and your partner. The parents who typically oppose marriages like this one die some day but end up causing a lot of pain to their children. That is why, as much as I love my family, I do not let them dictate my major life choices. Yeah, I will still occasionally wear that awful sweater that my mother might gave me as a gift but I would not like her to tell me who to marry.

So give it some thought and if you are still convinced that this is the woman for you, go ahead and do it. Most likely your parents will respect your choices.

Regarding having kids with her, the possibility is small. A woman's fertility drops precipitously after 40 but using donor eggs she may get pregnant. Many do get pregnant naturally as well but the probability is low.

Nathan writes, "I am a 26 year old and a few weeks ago I met this nice lady on a flight and we talked the whole way. I thought she was maybe 30 and found out she is 36. We've been talking on the phone ever since and planning to go see her next week. I noticed that when I tell others about this and mention her age I get interesting reactions that makes me feel bad like I've totally blown it and need to focus on girls my age. I like this lady; she's smart, experienced, beautiful and she is kind and interested in me and there is this attraction between us. I just need some wisdom here."

First of all, most of the people that I have been hearing from are dealing with relationships that are with 20-30 years age gap, so yours is a somewhat simpler situation.

Now as you can understand the traditional thinking is that the girl should be around the same age or preferably somewhat younger. There are many cultural, economic, social, and biological reasons for it but a lot of things are changing these days. Such relationships have exploded, even leading to marriage and children, but not everyone is aware or comfortable with them, and that is why the confusing message you have been getting from your friends.

So go see her and find out more about her. What is she looking for? What are you looking for right now? Obviously that will dictate a lot of things. Are you ready to marry if you meet the right person?

One issue to think about is a woman's probability of getting pregnant naturally as she approaches 40. So if you want children, you may have to hurry up with her and you might not have a lot of time to waste in dating for a few years and then marrying her.

However, if you find that she is the woman of your dreams and everything that you would look for in a life partner, then just ignore what others say. After all it is you who is going to have to live with a partner, not them. I have seen way too many awful relationships among couples with the perfect age combination and a lot of good relationships with huge age gaps.

Sounds like a cliche, but age is just a number, really.

Tiffany writes, "I am what some may describe as a busty woman. I have been divorced for about four months. Lately I have been getting closer and spending more time with a younger man. I enjoy him. I have suspected that he wants to become more intimate. I am guessing that he may want to make love to me. I am thinking about whether it would be appropriate or not to have it him. He is a nice man and I like the attention from him. It may be too close to my divorce to consider being so close to someone. Also being on the busty side I don’t want him to become turned off if and when he sees me without clothes. I have talked to several of my women friends about him. One said not to worry about him becoming turned off and that there maybe a possibility that he wants to love all of me. She said that if that is the case what would be wrong with it. Another lady friend of mine said that we are both single and that our age difference should not be an issue in us having physical intimacy. She also said that if a younger man finds you attractive and wants to do it what is wrong with that. She also said that I may enjoy lovemaking again and may like the experience of having it with a younger man. Is there any truth in these statements? Are there common reason that younger men want older women? If he wants to love me and he uses the physical expression of sex to do that it may be OK. I don’t want to just be a tool in which he uses me to have an experience with an older woman. How can I know of his intentions? If and when I consider sleeping with him what things should be part of our relationship? What things should we do/have done before considering going to bed? Sex may be a wonderful way to express one's feelings, one's love, one's commitment. How can I be sure that our lovemaking will have these elements? How can I be sure of his commitment before as well as after we do it? We don’t want to have a baby but what are some things that we each could gain by? If we do it, how can I be sure that he will like my body ? As a woman with big breasts, what can I do to make the experience good for him? As a curvaceous woman, what positions work best?"

It is understandable why a man that likes you and you like him wants to make love to you. He is obviously attracted to you and feels sexual attraction towards you. I am not convinced that a woman has to wait a certain period of time before having sex after divorce. If the opportunity is right, you are free to make love to anyone you like.

Now unless you have been covering yourself in bedsheets all this time, this guy should have a fairly good idea of how you look. In other words, he likes you the way you are and I very much doubt if he will be turned off. Any man with a functioning brain knows how women look at different ages and there should be nothing surprising there. Most likely he really likes your body. It is wrong to think all men like only skinny girls. Men are attracted to all kinds of women, and the most important thing is that emotional connection. Once that happens looks are really secondary.

I also think that your girlfriends are right in everything they say. The age difference should not be an issue if you are otherwise a good couple. If he likes you and you like him, you will enjoy making love to him. Who knows he might turn out to be a better lover when you can take the role of the more experienced partner and let him take some tips from you.

I think there are some men who have a fetish for a mature woman and are fascinated by the idea of having sex with someone who has lots of experience. She can teach him, a mature woman can be more patient, and often even be better lover than him. A woman of same age can be impatient and not always appreciative of her lover's performance. In rare cases, a man might see his mother in his lover, which is kind of very complex Freudian analysis of such relationships.

I think if you are not sure that this man wants a serious relationship -- and time will tell that -- then I totally understand why it does not make sense to make love to him right away. It is something to discuss with him honestly and frankly that what he is looking for and do you both see a meaningful future for your relationship.

I guess regardless of the age difference you have to do the things that any woman has to do in a relationship. Learn more about him and his plans for the relationship with you. What does he want? Is it what you want too? Are you just hanging out or is there a future here? There is no good answer to when you should have sex. Some women will have it on the third date while others wait till they are married. It all depends on the relationship. If you emotionally and physically want it, then you know you are ready.

To me sex is a celebration of a couple's love for each other. We all have sexual needs and when he is investing all this time into the relationship, obviously, sex is his way of telling you that he wants you all, not just chats and movies.

Now I don't know how you look and how you look without clothes, but most likely he will like you the way you are. Don't get too bogged down with it because that will only make you too self-conscious. In any case, since we all have not-so-attractive parts in our bodies, my advice to women is to show off what is great and hide what is not so great. While I don't know this but if you have a big bust but not so great legs, well then show off your chest in a beautiful bra but wear a longer skirt like sleepwear to hide the legs. You get the idea.

I am yet to meet a man who does not like a woman's breast, so use your breasts effectively, even as a sex organ, I can add. I am yet to meet a man who disliked his body, particularly his sex organs, massaged by breasts. Regarding sex positions, just go with the flow; I do not think breast size makes a big difference as long as your breasts are right in front of him and he can either look at them or touch them or kiss/suck them while making love.

Michelle writes, "I met a young man 15 years my junior about 5 years ago. We started out as friends and began seeing each other more; no commitments to one another, just that when we are together, we are together and we respect each others space. He would come to my home anytime he wanted and I to his but by choice I didn't go that often. He asked me a couple times how I felt about him; all I would say is I care a lot for him and he would say nothing but I suppose because I never asked. He would tell me many times how much he appreciates me, then a couple of months ago I told him I was moving away and then he would tell me that he loved me. He is moving closer to me in the next couple of months but not soon enough for me. I really love him and I believe in my heart that he too loves me the same way. Am I crazy?"

First of all, you are not the most unusual case that I have come across. I have heard from women who are in relationships with men who are young enough to be their grandchildren.

Trust me; yes women who are in healthy relationships with men that are 30 years younger than them.

My position on such relationships is based on a simple fact of life: our intellectual age has little to do with our chronological age. Have you ever met a 50 year old who has the same intelligence of a 12-year old? I have. There are a lot of morons out there, often even holding responsible positions everywhere. I also know recent college graduates who have the depth of grandpa and can blow your mind with their intellectual depth and knowledge. In other words, that is what you are experiencing. You like someone because he is intellectually and emotionally compatible with you, regardless of his age.

My suggestion to all such women is that they should take the plunge because they will some day regret that they rejected a man for merely his age when in reality it does not matter.

So will some people raise eyebrows looking at you two together?

Well, many will if he liked pink shirts or had facial hair or had a tattoo on his butt or wore Speedo to the beach. So I would say that for once tell him how you feel without holding back. Who knows that you two might end up having a relationship of a lifetime.

So go ahead and do it and let me know how it turns out.

Cynthia writes, "I started hooking up with a younger guy (who pursued me) who has a girlfriend. For me it is just fun, but seems from little comments, that he seems to have a problem with the age gap and situation. I broke it off because I cannot have fun with someone who is uncomfortable. My friend thinks he is really open. How can I tell what the real problem is?"

The best way to do it is to find out from him.

If he pursued you despite his not being single, he definitely has some has interest in you, and the age is probably not a major issue. We all have some level of discomfort in every dating situation, whether it is the age, race, ethnicity, education level, distance from the town, etc., and if the person is otherwise good, we all make compromises.

So go with an open mind and hint to him that you are interested in exploring a relationship with him. If you find out through his behavior and conversation that he is still biased about your age, time to say goodbye.

But you might very well find out that after he learns more about you, he might feel more comfortable with the idea of dating someone older than him.

Linda writes, "I am a young looking 46 year old woman, dating a 30 years old guy. I have 3 kids, he has one, he can not handle our age difference. He will not be seen in public with me as he says people look at us. We have a very good sex life, we get along most days, we make each other laugh, he now wants the relationship over. We still live together, until I find another house. I am so heartbroken. I love him so much. Please help."

I am sorry to hear that, and unless there is some other reason that he is breaking up (affair, for example) with you and using the age gap as an excuse, there is hope. This is why and this is how you should speak to your stupid boyfriend.

I have dated really fat women (I am incredibly skinny) and women of other races and while they were my age, people have looked at us, even exchanged meaningful glances with their companions. Some even hinted about the odd choice of women that I made. And occasionally they still do despite my being in a perfect marriage with a woman of another race.

People love to talk, and they will, no matter what. If they can't find anything else they will talk about the hideous red jacket a woman wore or the shoes that a man wore or what the kids did or the lousy kitchen the couple has, and on and on.....

Those who live their life to satisfy others are never happy because people will always figure out to express their opinions about them, particularly about successful people. We live in a world of people with opinions and smart people know how to ignore it in order to sleep better at night.

Your boyfriend has to start being a man and appreciate that he is ending a beautiful relationship (which are nearly impossible to find these days based on dozens of emails I get each day) all because some jerks tell him that he is dating a woman older than him. Tell him to have some self respect for himself and you and not be such a sissy. I mean will he shave his head off tomorrow if people start talking about his awful hairstyle or quit his job if people start making fun of the company he works for? Or throw his kid out of the house because some other mom thinks that his kid is an idiot?

So, talk to him and tell him that there are more important issues at stake for him than merely ending a relationship with a woman just because she is a little older. He has to learn to take ownership of his choices and put his happiness above that of others (yes, people talk because that adds spice to their lives).

And just between you and I, if this man pays no attention to this logic, guess what? He is not the man for you. A man who cannot take on the society to fight for his choices and to protect the love of his life, I mean, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man no matter how good he is in bed?

Y need a man who respects you and respects his choices, and then has the courage to defend him and his family against the world. If he is now proving that others opinions are more important than his and yours, I would say, find one of those efficiency apartments and move out now.

How do I tell my older girlfriend that age does not matter?

Jake writes, "I have recently been seeing this woman that is eleven years older than me, and we are both very much into each other. The only problem is that she is having issues with the fact that I am so much younger. I am so crazy about this woman and I want to be able to make this work for the two of us. She says that if I was only a few years older she wouldn't hesitate. So what I want to know is how do I make her more comfortable with the fact that I am so much younger, and make her realize how age doesn't matter when you have the connection we have?"

I think she is simply choosing to look at the more traditional age patterns to come up with her rationale for ending this relationship. So first thing that you want to make sure is that there are no other reasons that she would want to breakup and is merely using the age difference as an excuse.

Now also remember that most people have a right to end a relationship whenever they wish but I don't approve of it in cases where people already have inbuilt biases like "I will not date a younger man." I mean why would she date you then in the first place?

Still, there is hope. I have never lost faith in the power of persuasion when it comes to women. I am sure you had to do some of it all along and if you continue with it with this issue, trust me, chances are that she will realize what a small detail it is in the big scheme of things when you are really a perfect couple otherwise.