An older woman, or a cougar, that enjoys dating young dudes writes:

"I am a mature woman and I find that the young men are a lot of fun and boost my spirits. I had a wonderful conversation with a new one last night who said girls talk mainly about shoes and purses and that it was delightful for him to meet someone who he was attracted to and who could converse. For a 25 year old, he had an unusual sense of being true to himself - of being real - which I strive for. I find that, as well as my photos, which guys find sexy, they are often as attracted to my online dating profile - which I have fine tuned to be authentic."

Erin has met someone online and through emails, chat, and webcam, they have been talking for a while now. The relationship has reached a point that her online boyfriend has decided to visit her and she is nervous about their first meeting. "Could you expand a bit more for me about the pitfalls of first meetings? Looks are one thing. I know. I like his looks in the pics I have but, honestly, looks are not that important to me. I have met enough men, who have seen the pics I post online and say they do not do me justice, to be reasonably confident that he will be pleased with what he sees in me, though still will be nervous about that to some extent. I prefer to prepare myself in advance as much as possible for what lies ahead, so I would appreciate anything you could share with me as to what may go wrong - what surprises there may be - in the first meeting?" she asks.

Regarding the challenges of first meeting after a long period of dating online, let me say that, as we spend more time getting to know someone before we actually meet, we are better prepared in many ways. There are, obviously, fewer surprises, but online communication is more structured and one can prepare a lot more. In person, one has to be more spontaneous. That is why we might learn that a patient person isn't really that patient, or always-happy man isn't really such a pleasant person. The same applies to one's looks and other aspects of personality.

I think a lot of time after knowing someone online, we start to assume that we know that person, but in reality it is just what one might know after one or two dates. In other words, start with the hypothesis that it is just your first or second date and there is so much more to find out about each other. So maintain the distance so as not to treat yourself as married to him but also the curiosity to know more, and everything will be just fine. Of course, you want to be aware that he maybe surprised and/or disappointed by things over which you have no control. So there will be some uncomfortable moments, as there are in any dating situation, but in the end you want to be yourself and then just wait to find out if you still feel the same way after meeting.

Megan writes, "I read on your blog that you had a long distance relationship and am looking for a little advice/feedback. Robert, my long distance boyfriend that I met through online dating but am yet to see him in person, and I had a couple of significant misunderstandings that made me back off for a while - deal breakers, so to speak. I had pretty well decided it couldn't work and he came on chat this morning - we sorted out the issues - and are back on track. Our modes of and needs for communication seem to differ greatly. I am an instructor and need/want lots of regular communication - he seems satisfied with sporadic intense sessions, will leave sessions without planning the next one, etc. I am gaining in confidence that he cares and wants the relationship - he is very consistent with that - and that the lack of communication for days means he is busy. Neither of us have trust issues regarding each other and other people. He is a pilot and their personality includes and ON or OFF characteristic - and I guess when he is flying he is OFF as regards communicating with me. I am getting accustomed to that as I see he cares consistently even if he does not communicate it regularly. He is coming here next week - and we will see if the positive elements we have in online communication are present face to face and then go from there. I am quite nervous - having feelings of inadequacy etc. - to be expected, I suppose. Any feedback regarding your own experiences is welcomed."

Yes, with my (now) wife I had a long distance relationship for 2 years but I had known her well before that. Indeed, distance made things very complicated. If I was stuck with a customer having dinner and if she called after 8 PM, she almost sometimes assumed that I was with another woman. It was during the era of no email or web and international phone calls were expensive (plus the 11 hour time difference) and that means it was not easy to provide a lot of explanation. I still wrote letters to clear up doubts and misunderstanding, and with time, she became more appreciative of the fact that I need to have a life even if it means that I was not at home each evening grieving over a girlfriend separated from me.

In the end, we made it work by frequent phone calls and visits. I think we were able to be physically together every 3-5 months and that gave us opportunities to catch up and clear up misunderstandings. So my advice is that keep the communication channels open and even though he may be silent for a few days, a few emails from you will help in the meantime. Plus, you will need to tune yourself to his communication styles. I am almost professorial in my communication pointing out each and every, even minor detail, but my wife is not. She often assumes that I know it or should know it, and now when she says, "You know what I mean," I actually respond, "No, I don't; and can you please explain as if you would to a 6 year old."

You guys have not met yet and that is why it is even harder. So the first meeting will definitely build trust. First meeting in such circumstances is also often full of surprises and disappointments so be prepared for that.

Mindy, a woman in her 70s, ran into an interesting man. "The 51 year old I have been online dating for a month has proposed. I am amazed how quickly our relationship has progressed. It is not that he could not have others - he is a jet pilot, 6'4", very good looking and well set up financially. He says I am the first woman he has ever been able to talk freely with about his fantasies/fetishes. I am not easily shocked and always work at being authentic in relationships. I am also willing to make these experiences real for him as long as my boundaries are respected. I truly like him and we will be meeting soon. We both have been married and divorced some years ago. Apparently he has always been attracted to older women - I am 20 years older than him. I think the acceptance I give him of who he is and what he prefers is a very powerful attraction to him and turns him on enormously. I want him to be able to express himself freely and explore with him what pleasures him."

Regarding relationship with this man, it appears that you are off to a good start. I am aware of the age difference here but with your energy level you will do just fine. What many people know in their hearts is that if they can establish that special connection with someone by sharing their innermost fantasies and secrets, they have found a soulmate. So do what you feel like and let the events take their course.

As you all know, I have been a big fan of online dating and have strongly recommended, that apart from trying at parties and social events, they give a chance to Internet dating as well. Now that does not mean that it will work for everyone.

In that context, it is important to remember that online dating may not work for you because you are looking for something special or are not following the rules of dating on the web or something else is not working for you. You can either give up altogether or try a different strategy. Let me share the experience of one of my readers:

"Having tried the online dating thing for about 6 months, I wasn't impressed by it. It is very impersonal and most guys are on the internet trawling for uncommitted sex rather than a relationship. I wouldn't recommend it. It is a numbers game and for every person who actually marries a match, there are many, many more who don't. It's like playing the lottery. These multimillion dollar companies are making plenty of money off the person's desire for love and the success rate is really low."

Misty writes, "I met this guy in chat room about a year ago. The first time we chatted we exchanged basic info. He told me that he was married with kids and I told him that I was married too. We were both cool with that. We continued chatting and emailing each other on a daily basis and we were starting to really like each other. Then we finally decided to meet for the first time and everything was ok. In the weeks to come we chatted more and more. Then we started seeing each other more and more. It would be a short conversation after work once or twice a week. Then it was a small kiss when we would leave each other, nothing more than that. So a few months after seeing each other we decided to take our relationship to another level. We had sex about 4 months after us meeting and talking everyday. After that things were great. Then as time went on we started acting like a real couple; he would snap at me and I would snap at him and at the end of the day things would be back to normal. There were a few times that he would really hurt my feelings but I was so in love him I would ignore some of the things he did and said. Then one day out of the blue he told me that he loved me for the first time. I was so shocked; I didn't know what to say or how to react to it. When he said that I didn't say anything back because I wanted to keep some distance between us just in case we needed to walk away from each other since we were both married. As time went on we continued to have great conversation and great sex; it was like the perfect friendship. Then we finally came up with a plan to stay a night together which was the best night of my life. Even better than my honeymoon. And after that I finally decided to tell him that I was in love with him too. Only for him to tell me that he already knew; he was just waiting on me to say it. Then all of a sudden things started to change with us; we were talking less and sex was completely out of the question. It was like he didn't want to see me at all. I couldn't figure out why and he wouldn't talk to me. Then he told me one day that he was leaving the state because he had a job offer. That completely crushed me. As the time was coming for him to leave, we talked less and less. Those few weeks before he left I cried every night. I was trying so hard to keep my feelings under control so my husband wouldn't notice anything and that was the hardest thing for me to do. Then he finally left and I thought it would just end with me having a heartbreak but it didn't. I was preparing myself to deal with it and move on thinking we wouldn't talk again. So a few days after him leaving went by I cried because I'm in love with him but I was dealing with it. Then all of a sudden I get a text message from him saying that he loves me. Now I don't know what to think. He's been gone about 5 months now and whenever I think I'm not going to hear from him I get a message or email from him. I guess he is still thinking about me as much as I'm still thinking about him. I would call him and tell him that I love him and miss him but he don't really reply like he is hiding something. I honestly feel that something is there between us and we are just too afraid to act on it. I am so in love with him. I've never felt this way before and I am married. It's the chemistry we have when we are together. That's the reason I'm not giving up on this. Maybe I'm just crazy or maybe I'm seeing this wrong but my heart is telling me something different. What would you do if you were in love with a married man and you are married?"

I hope you realize that it is not easy dating a married person, and even more complicated for a married person to do so. It is not uncommon for married people to put their spouses first even if they wish otherwise.

That is exactly the situation for you two. He sure has problems in his marriage (apparently, so do you) and is struggling with the choice between his wife and you. He may love you but wants to stay in his marriage for, most likely, the sake of his kids. The reason he is not so forthcoming in his affection for you is that he thinks that the more he shares his feelings with you the more painful it will be for both of you.

Obviously, this is based on the assumption that you know all the facts, but as you suspect that he is hiding something, in that case, for all we know, he could have multiple lovers like you or not be married at all and just likes to play around with a lot of women so that he never has to marry any one of them but keeps all of them hooked by giving them signs of hope once in a while.

In my opinion, if I am married, and even if my marriage is perfect but I still fall in love with another married woman, I should leave my marriage and so should my lover. It is not fair for my wife to be married to a man who is not in love with her. And if my married lover is not willing to leave everything for me, then it is not love; it is just a relationship of convenience -- she is merely using me for her emotional needs.

In conclusion, I am not very hopeful that your relationship with this man has a future considering the facts of this case. If your current marriage has problems, it is best to work to resolve them, and if they are unresolvable, then there is no need to be miserable -- get a divorce. And as far as this guy is concerned, you have to finally tell him that either you end the relationship (and stop playing with your emotions) or he better leave his wife for you. I think he wants to have it both ways and right now he is the winner and you the loser.

As anyone knows, eHarmony has more narrowly focused on marriage-focused dating. It is not meant for people looking for casual dating or intimate encounters as True.com or Lavalife are.

And while there is wide acceptance of gays and gay marriage is already legal in Massachusetts and Connecticut, this dating website has not allowed gays to join. I suspect that the main reason is its ties to Christian extremist groups that thrive on homophobia.

Now it looks like the company is abandoning its Christian roots (though it had to do so as part of a legal settlement in which the company was represented with a right wing lawyer Ted Olson) and has a gay dating website called Compatible Partners.

While the company insists that their sophisticated matching software has not been tested on gay and lesbian couples but it will still let them use it. I personally see no difference between heterosexual and homosexual couples and expect that they should be able to find a match.

John Fitzgerald Page is a highly successful man, who also looks great. Unfortunately, humility is not one of the things that he values.

From the fiasco in his case, there are a few important lessons regarding talking to potential dates you meet online (if you are single, please join our completely free dating website):

1. Be polite even if you have not met the other person yet.
2. Be careful what you write; it may come to bite you.
3. Mean people don't find love; they just end up meeting jerks.

Free online dating

At the request of our readers we started to investigate if we could offer online dating. Believe it or not, once we started to research, we learned that not only was the technology easily available, we could offer it for free. Yes, of course, it will cost us some money in memory (I am assuming that you will store your photos and videos so that you can attract more suitors) and bandwidth (yeah, those videos use lots of it), but I am hoping that this is the least we can do for you. Hopefully, we will lower our loss through advertising.

So please take a look at LuvCube dating website and if you are looking for friends or love, do sign up. And regardless of what you do, do not forget to tell others about it.