Samantha writes, "My boyfriend and I are into each other and have been dating for a while. We both have said that we want to make love and want it to be special. We have talked about it and decided that it should be with someone special. We both consider the other special enough for it. For his birthday I would like to give him the gift of ME. I think it will be a gift that I am likely to enjoy. What advice do you have about this birthday gift? Is the bed the best location for first time sex? How much time should we allow? Should we plan on from bedtime to morning? I want it to be a surprise for him. What advice do you have for making it a surprise? Would there be a way of letting him know about his gift without saying what I have planed for him? Do you have some advice for starting out? Do you have some advice for knowing when he is ready for intercourse? What position is the best for first time? Could we use more than one?"

Well, it is great that you both have waited a long time to have sex. That means that your relationship is solid and is based on something deeper rather than just casual attraction.

Regarding your idea of offering yourself as a gift for his birthday is awesome. I think he will appreciate it and hopefully it will be a sweet memory for you too.

There is no rule that the bed is the best place for sex of any type. In my opinion wherever a couple is in the mood, they can have a great time, provided it is comfortable for both of them. Obviously, a bed is always comfortable and after sex the couple can just lie cuddling and even go to sleep (not the case if you do it in a car or the kitchen).

Regarding time needed, I would suggest that schedule as much as possible, and if you get the whole night that is great, because you can then have lots of foreplay, sex, and then chat after sex before going to sleep.

And it is a great idea to keep it as a surprise. My recommendation would be not give him any hints at all. I think he expects a gift and if he knows nothing the surprise will be the greatest.

The best way to start out will be to buy some lingerie that looks likes ribbons. I remember one woman who wrote to me. She simply tied herself in silk ribbon covering her breasts and pubic area. Then he brought her boyfriend to her bedroom, put him to sit down on the edge of the bed, unzipped her dress to let it drop to the floor. Then she invited him to open the gift. He knew exactly what that meant. They had a memorable birthday celebration. You could try something along those lines.

Remember that a man is generally ready before a woman but he will most likely tell you (directly or indirectly) that he wants to be inside you. A good erection is a positive sign that he is ready to penetrate. And I would suggest not to wait too long.

Regarding the best position, each couple has their own preferences that they discover over time. My wife loves the missionary position but my favorite is her on top. So pick one and try another one till you find ones that work for both of you. There are so many ways that you can achieve orgasm each one pleases both partners in different ways.

Let me know if you need more help in planning it, and obviously, it will be great if you write back with details on how it turned out. I like to know if my advice was helpful.

Kavita, an Indian woman, writes, "I am unmarried,and I masturbate once or twice a week. Will this affect my health? Will it create any problem in my married life? Is it true that this habit the reason behind irregular menstrual periods, as my periods are not regular?"

There are a lot of myths out there and this is one of them that somehow pleasuring yourself is bad for health. On the contrary, it is a very healthy practice for both men and women.

So in response to your question, pleasing yourself does not affect your health in any negative way. And the effect it does have is mostly good because it is a great way to release sexual tension, and if you orgasm, you will generally see a release of healthy hormones inside your body, helping you sleep better and feeling good later.

Masturbation also helps when you actually have sex because you are much more aware of your body and what pleases you, particularly what parts of your body are sensitive. That way you can not only tell your partner what to do but also move your body in a way that you can get maximum pleasure.

There is no relationship between masturbation and irregular periods. The best thing to do for irregular periods is to consult with your gynecologist. Irregular periods can be due to many other health and hormonal factors.

Tips to do it right

The final piece of advice I have is about personal hygiene during and after you pleasure yourself. If you are going to insert your fingers inside your private parts, please wash thoroughly with soap before and after.

Also as soon as convenient, wash your private area thoroughly after you are done. If you insert anything other than your fingers, please make sure that it is thoroughly clean as well. If in doubt, it is best to cover it with a clean, unused condom each time you use it.

Can I have sex with someone else if my husband does not do it?

Erica, yet another woman in a sexless marriage, writes, "My husband has not made love to me in years. He has erectile dysfunction. I've tried to talk to him about it and get some help. The doctor gave him a device to use. His ego won't let him use it, I guess. So I have been very hot for a good while. Now I have been thinking about getting with someone else. I want to stay with my husband and I love him but I feel things and have needs. What is your thought?"

I have seen this problem in hundreds of emails that I have received from women. Men who simply refuse to accept that a health problem can be corrected and no one would doubt their manhood just because they need and use medical help.

I totally understand how you feel, and in my opinion, you have a right to satisfy your needs. Feeling sexual desire is as normal as the way you feel hungry or thirsty or tired.

There are two ways to go about it. Talk to your husband and agree on an arrangement (I doubt if this is possible in your case) in which you can have sex with someone else and he should not ask any questions. You will have a right to privacy about this issue.

A more practical solution for your specific situation is to just keep it a secret. The key is to be upfront about this to the man (or men) that you might have as your lovers and also seek his cooperation so that he does not blackmail you, and helps you keep it a secret. Online dating websites are best for this.