So often it appears as if the nice guys finish last and the smooth-talking loser gets the girl. It turns out that it is yet another myth in the world of dating.

A new study says girls choose geniuses over dumb jocks not just for one night stands but also for long term relationships. Why would that be? Remember that whether they know it or not, women are always looking for a reliable, stable, financially secure father for their child, and it does not matter how cute or charming or funny a man is, if he is incapable of providing for her and her baby, she is not interested in him.

So all those shy nerds and geeks, it is no longer necessary for you to try to be what you are not and instead just be the smart and intelligent man that you are. Use your knowledge and intelligence to impress her with your intellect, and trust me, she will be yours. And then a nice guy can finish first.

Previously I gave dating tips for teenagers and in response to a question, I gave more specifics tips on dating for shy teenagers.

Well, Michael benefited from both articles but still wrote to ask more specific questions. "I am a 17 year old highschool student, and well, I haven't had a girlfriend in my life. Nowadays in highschool, I would say that 8 out of 10 women you know have blonde or brown hair and do what they can to make their chests stick out. Well, those kind of women don't do it for me. I find that I would rather be in a relationship with a woman I can stand to be with and I am attracted to rather than dating one of those airheads and be miserable. To be honest I am more attracted to average women rather than the model types. But my real question is well I am not really Mr. Handsome that makes every women fall in love instantaneously. I would have to say my looks are only average if not most likly below average. So one of my questions is How important are looks to a woman? Also what are some ways I can approach her, and well, what if she finds out I have never been with a girl before?"

Well, I do admire you for your philosophy that you only want to go out because you are genuinely interested rather than trying to be with the most popular girl even if it means that you are miserable in the relationship and she treats you like an accessory.

Do looks matter to girls?

Now, in high school, the game works differently. There are the popular guys that are great at sports or have some other talent and girls dream of being with them. But in reality it is such a small group. That leaves a lot of guys and girls in the other group. Guys like you who are not the most handsome or great at sports or members of a band or driving a sports car. Similarly, there are girls who do not have the model-body or the most expensive clothes or a BMW to drive.

In other words, you have a huge pool of girls to choose from. Honestly, based on what we are finding out, looks are actually only a second thought to girls, if the guy is otherwise reliable, trustworthy, and fun to be with. Obviously, each girl has a type of guy that she likes and you will just need to keep trying till you meet that special someone. So start off by approaching the girls that are definitely single. Trust me these girls go to bed every night wondering why no guy asks them out.

How to approach a girl in high school?

There are many ways to approach a girl but since you are in school, a great way to do is to ask for help. Everyone likes to help. So first find out what is she good at and ask if she wants to study together since you need help in that area. That is a great way to get to know each other without the pressure of asking out someone on a date and getting rejected. When you do something related to school together you can be yourself, find out if she is really what you thought she was, and test if you have chemistry. Then at some point, you can simply suggest, "Hey, I like hanging out with you. Maybe we should go out this weekend!"

You might still be rejected or make a wrong choice or whatever, but the key is to keep trying and not give up.

I have never dated before; is that a problem?

Now to your final question about not being with a girl before. It is not an issue because you are still so young. Many parents can be strict, some guys simply don't find the right girl, or are too busy with grades -- there are a million reasons why a 17-year old has never had a girlfriend. Some girls appreciate it because they know that you will give everything to her, while others might think that no girl ever liked you and that is why you never had a girlfriend. I think the right response to a question on this issue is the one that you gave me. Say something like "I find that I would rather be in a relationship with a woman I can stand to be with and I am attracted to rather than just date someone because she is popular or good-looking. I want to be with you because you meet my high standards. " Trust me she will love hearing that.

We often assume that only women have self-esteem issues, that they are the ones that keep beating them up for not having perfect bodies. Men too can have low self esteem and lack confidence.

Michael is one such man and he honestly shared his fears with me. "About my looks I am not really sure. Most of my friends are, well, guys I have known for a long time. I have my older sisters and they are all telling me I look good. But can you really trust family with this stuff? And again I am a well-built guy. I don't go to the gym every day. So I am really not sure where I stand, but if you ask me I may be standing on the line of average or below. So if looks are what a girl thinks about, I am not sure if I am still in trouble or what?" he asks.

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Well, first of all, it seems that so many people can't be wrong. If they think you look good, you probably do.

Secondly, even an average guy or girl can look great if you groom yourself properly. Have you seen those girls in the mall that show up in those baggy Tshirts and sweatpants? I hate 'em but I often see that they have great bodies and attractive faces. Still, I am not drawn to them at all. On the other hand, every man is attracted to a girl that makes an effort to put an outfit together and applies makeup the right way.

I don't know if you are the type who wears "whatever," but it is time to change that and girls will notice. Some simple changes like hairstyle, clothes, shoes, and accessories make a huge difference. Wear what you like and feel comfortable in, rather than trying to be someone you are not, but you should look put it all together, in contrast to getting out of bed and simply showing up at a party like that.

And finally, if average guy had no chances, then 90% of men will be single. That is not the case, as you well know. I am an average looking guy like you but am married to a very pretty woman (and have always dated reasonably good looking girls) who loves me for who I am. I pay attention when girls talk, I keep my promises, I show them respect, and I make them feel special. I don't drive an expensive car or tell great jokes or am the life of a party or have anything that makes me really stand out, but so are most girls.

So buddy, just raise your confidence, and don't obsess over your looks. Go ahead and do it -- trust me, it will be easier than you think and there are probably girls out there that keep wondering why you never even approached them.

Angela, a 50 year old woman is dating a 34-year old man for over three years. "Recently he started drinking heavily as he always had, then he started staying out late, then he met a woman and started talking to her via phone. He promised me he wouldn't talk to her anymore, because he didn't want to jeopardize our relationship. Now he tell me he needs time away to think things out. What is happening to my boyfriend? He says he loves me. Please advise," she writes.

First of all, as I read your story, I think it has nothing to do with an older woman dating a younger man. It is just yet another couple having a problem in their relationship.

When a relationship becomes serious and reaches a point where a man or a woman has to make that decision about its long-term future, a lot of people have serious doubts about it. The high rate of divorce has definitely put many men (and women) on alert about marriage and that too with a woman who is incapable of becoming pregnant (indeed, he should have thought of this before starting to date you, but not everyone gets everything right and many men do not realize that a relationship with a mature woman will actually last 3 years).

Men also become more critical about relationships, look at all the things that are not perfect about it, and then try to find ways to escape. I think your boyfriend is at that stage. He probably would be at the same stage even if you were 34 or younger.

My advice to you would be to give him the time that he needs to think things out. Agree on a time frame, say 30 days, so that you don't keep waiting forever while he is still dealing with his issues. If a person cannot decide things like this in a reasonable period of time, this person is not reasonable any way. During this time, be there for him but assure him that you are not some desperate woman who needs him even if he doesn't. Be confident and proud of who you are but also show him that you love him too, appreciate the relationship, and would want it to work out.

By attending a mass divorce fair. Like the mass weddings often organized by religious or social groups, this event will enable couples having problems in their marriage to seek counseling, get a painless divorce, learn to move on after a divorce, and deal with issues like personal finance, child support, and singles vacations. Austria has the same rate of divorce as the United States.

Did you know that having problems in your relationship could hurt your health to much that you could die from it. Latest research published in the Archives of Internal Medicine finds that "negative close relationships" boosted the risk of coronary events by a third.

"Previous research in this area focused more on philosophy," said Robert De Vogli, a lecturer in social epidemiology at University College London. "It was assumed that if you were married, you were more likely to be healthy. It was well established that social relationships are important for health."

This finding means that if you are in a relationship (if you are single try our free dating website) that is not going so well, you can do one of the two things: Fix it by seeking help from marriage counselors, family members, and friends, or simply end it. There is absolutely no reason to drag it and be miserable. I know many couples do it for the sake of children or due to financial considerations, but this finding shows that you would be better off either fixing it once and for all by making compromises and resolving conflicts or getting a divorce.

A divorce lawyer may be the most unlikely source of marriage advice but they have unique insights into why marriages fail. While some studies say that half of all marriages fail, the actual number is much higher because many couples live in horrible marriages but stay together for all sorts of reasons. They are actually worse than divorced couples.

So what are the reasons for divorce?

Of course, we live in a world of choice and now that men and women are financially independent, they do not take BS from no one. Another major reason is that when passion goes out of a relationship.

So what is the secret to a long and happy marriage?

1. Appreciate your partner
2. And keep the relationship spicy.

Breakups are, well, heartbreakingly painful. You can deny yourself as much as you want but the reality is that the pain of breakup has to be dealt with so that you can move on. In fact it is easy to purge your mind of all the negative emotions; otherwise, you will carry the baggage into your next relationship and have another problematic relationship. Watch this video in which relationship guru Amy Kean highlights several different techniques to move on after a breakup.

I have found in my research while talking to hundreds of people, including couples, is that if you simply talk about it, problems can be resolved. So when your partner comes to you and says, "Honey, we need to talk," pay attention, then absorb the information, and finally share your thoughts. It is also good to respond later rather than right away so that you have had time to think about it. In other words, literally, communication can do wonders to a relationship. Watch this video interview with Kate White, editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, in which she lays out the rules for communication for couples.

One of the biggest puzzles that we all face when dating is what does the other person wants. Men often wonder what women want and women also wonder what men want. Despite tens of thousands of years of civilization, we still don't know enough about each other. While there are theories out there, no one really has all the answers. A recent study by Professor Peter Todd points out that most people are themselves not sure what they want in a mate but know it when they see the right person. Not surprisingly, men chose good looks (without looking at their own looks) while women (who were more realistic about who they were and what kind of man was more likely to be not commitment phobic) chose a man who would be stable and reliable.

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If I were God for one day, the first thing I would do is to make a couple fall in love so much when they decide to have a child that they will never get a divorce (or breakup since it is no longer the case that only married people have children). While divorce is hard on both partners, studies say that it is even harder on a man than a woman, and it is a traumatic experience for children, particularly if they are not adults (as is most often the case).

Divorce is also typically the end result of years of fighting and that results in a lot of bitter feelings towards each other. It is not surprising for couples to not even want to see each other's faces when one day that took the vow to be married till death (How to make your marriage work). Unfortunately, with 50% marriages ending in divorce, there is not much we can do about this reality except to discourage people in doubt about their relationship from having children in first place, but if they do, making sure that regardless of how much they hate each other, still love their children.

If you are having difficulty finding love, there may be nothing wrong with you - in a world where everyone can be choosy, you probably live in a place where there just aren't enough people to choose from. A very clever solution is try to try online dating. Then the world is your potential market, provided you are somewhat open-minded about race, skin color, etc.

By the way, if you are still single, you are welcome to join our completely free dating website.

With Internet dating, you simply create an interesting profile, put photos and video, hang out in the chat rooms, and then respond to people who approach you. If you are a man, I also encourage you to approach men and women that interest you. While you do not have to start your personal website or blog, it is not a bad idea to do so since you will attract even more prospects. That is exactly what Allan Wills did and eventually found a great relationship. Here is a video of his story.

Women definitely want to find out what a man wants. The answer is not an easy one because these are as many things that men are looking for as there are men, but regardless, certain traits are common for all men. Indeed, when it comes to men seeking out women, good looks are a good starting point but from then on men are looking for the same things that women are looking for: confidence, sense of humor, good company, good habits, etc. (Related: What do women want from their husbands?)

It is fairly obvious that modern men no longer look at women to be homemakers (and accordingly have traits that will help them become those); they are looking for life-long companions that will be interesting, fun to be around, and be their friends. Watch this video to find out what men really want.

I hear about relationships with big age gaps almost every day but there are times that some age gaps are bigger than what we are used to. Jim is 45 and is ready to marry an 18-year old. "It happened by our luck only. I was not looking for a relationship like this but we both love each other now. Am I wrong? Please tell me," he asks.

Indeed, there is no numbers counting when you fall in love. Since the two of you are both in love, get rid of any doubts you have. This is not the time to think since age is just a number. Indeed, you may have some problems in the marriage because of the age gap but I hear from couples every day who have problems - they also happen to be in the same age bracket. In fact, perfectly normal couples in every respect keep getting divorced or breaking up. This is simply a myth that people with wide age gap have any more problems than couples in the same age group. Of course you will need to make adjustments (the music that you like may not be the same as she does, for example) and so will she, but that is advice couples of all ages need. A relationship is about acceptance and compromises and as long as you do that you can have a beautiful relationship.

Connie writes, "My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and seem like our love life is fading. I try my best to keep it exciting. I mean I go to the extremes with this man, by role playing, dressing up, and doing things that I thought I would never do. I know he loves me but will this cause us to go our separate ways? Please give me some advice on this."

You know it is very sad to hear that there are men like your boyfriend and wonderful women like you - I would do anything to be with someone like you and this idiot simply does not appreciate how lucky he is. There are several reasons why this may be happening:

1. He has fallen out of love and is in love with someone else. Do you have any idea what is going on? Or if he has another girlfriend? Do a little investigation and if you come up with some information that he is cheating, it is time to breakup and move on.
2. He is stressed out or worried due to other issues in his life. It could be work related or may be caused by financial problems or even a family issue. Talk to him and find out. If there is a problem, be supportive in this difficult time.
3. You are doing things that don't appeal to him. For example, I love role play but I know there are men who are more into meat-and-potatoes type relationship with their lover - they simply are not interested in anything new. You have to find out what is it that he wants and do that. Do you really know what turns him on? When you know that you will do things that he likes rather than what you like though in the end I am not sure if you want to be with a man forever who simply cares about his desires and not about yours.

Natalie is a single mom with two children in elementary school. She is separated from her husband of 11 years and has decided to seek a divorce. "Only recently I decided to date (check out our free dating website) and found a wonderful man. It was love at first sight. He was also separated, and like me, wanted to divorce his wife too, but they were still living in the same house. After dating for two months, he told me that he needs his space and time to figure out what he really wants. What should I do? I am giving him his space he asked for and he has told me that we did not breakup and that he just needs his space and time. How should I handle this development?" she asks.

Dating after divorce is somewhat complicated for both men and women and even more so when the divorce is not yet final. Both men and women completely change their thinking about relationships and marriage after divorce because they start looking at whole live very differently. In some ways, it is a good thing because they can now think before they act. And that is exactly what he is doing.

My advice to you would be to leave him alone for the time being by not pressuring him to go out on dates. It doesn't hurt, though, to occasionally email him politely to check up on him and share how you and kids are doing. If you push hard at this point, it will be frustrating for both of you.

You should also tell him that you would like to give him whatever number of days you feel comfortable with, say, 30 or 60 days, to come up with his plan forward. In the meantime, you should tell him that both of you are free to see other people. Imagine that he comes back to you 2 months later and tells you that after all he does not want a relationship with you. You would have wasted all this time particularly if you end up meeting someone nice. You can tell him that you are not breaking up with him either; you just want to keep your options open. It wouldn't be fair for him to expect that you will just wait for him even when he does not want to commit anything at all.

Cindy is a 22-year old and went for a job interview. Well, she didn't get the job but her potential boss fell in love with her (it was not an office romance and she was not technically dating a colleague). "It was love at first sight," she says. "He started calling me constantly, met my parents, and then proposed me to marry him. BUT, the problem is that he is 43 years. He looks young but I don't know whether our marriage can be succsessful? I don't know what to do! He is very clever, rich and I am a simple, poor girl who wants to have a happy life. I am so confused. If I marry him, my life will change, but I also wonder what will I do with this old man. Please help."

We have heard from many women who not only had a great marriage with older men but liked them better than younger men - these men were more mature, confident, and loving. The question you have to ask is If you love this man regardless of his age. If the answer is yes, then it makes a lot of sense to marry him. Though you must understand that he is more than 20 years older than you and you will have many opportunities to find men your age (you can sign up for free dating at our website) since you are still too young to get desperate for marriage. Being with someone who is quite older or younger than you does present some problems but so does a partner of your age.

I have written previously for the beneift of those women who wonder if their partner is gay, particularly if he wears feminine underwear or likes to take care of himself or is just a little feminine and enjoys wearing lingerie. In most cases, they are worrying about the wrong person. Such men are either metrosexuals or simply exploring their feminine side.

On the other hand, research shows, millions of men are actually gay, but pretending to be straight or are in denial about their orientation. High profile examples include evangelical leader Ted Haggard, former Congressman Mike Huffington, and former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey. Bonnie Kaye, the author of "Is He Gay? A Checklist of Women Who Wonder," has some tips to find out if you are stuck with someone who is a closeted individual:

• If your husband thinks you are a nymphomaniac or "pushy and aggressive" because you want sex twice a week.
• If physical intimacy steeply declines within the first few years of marriage.
• You're always more active in the bedroom than your husband.
• If your husband is turned off by the thought of touching your private area or performing oral sex on you.
• If his best friend is gay and he often hangs out with him and his friends.
• If he is excessively homophobic, mocking and imitating other gay men (that was what Ted Haggard did and build a little empire for himself by urging clueless Christians to join him in his homophobia).
• If he brags about gay men complimenting him on his looks.

Young woman deeply in love with man twice her age

We at LuvCube publish selected stories about love and relationships. Here is a beautiful and inspirational story of Ingrid.

"I was always attracted to older men. It's not just physical attraction; I was always more mature than my age and couldn't see myself with younger guys.

I often wonder what exactly is considered a large age gap? 5 years? 10 years? 35 years? I'm not sure if anyone can explain where the designation would start. People who are on the same spiritual and intellectual levels don't have to be the same age to have a meaningful relationship. I don't think age is as important as maturity and compatibility. Love is love. When you are in love, what can you do? Love has no age. Age is an issue only when you want it to be an issue.

I am now in a relationship with a man 25 years older (I am 25) and I couldn't be happier. It’s an interesting experience in some ways because of the challenges it brings. I also believe that opposites do attract, sometimes. We have a wonderful relationship and a passion for each other. We both love each other. We rarely fight, and just because we try to resolve our problems, we both know how to find a compromise. I can share ups and downs of life with him, we both have a good sense of humor, we mutually respect each other, we have a lot of good/bad times, but we learn from and grow stronger every time. We have differences in many things but it also gives us the chance to share each others interests along with the interests we have together. Everybody has experiences - some good, some bad.

Relationships with age gaps are not for everyone, but if you think you can manage it, then why not? I think our life together is fantastic, despite our little problems and I can tell that I 'm a woman who intends to spend all my life with him. But sometimes he feels insecure (How to deal with insecure men?) that in the future, I will be unhappy and regret the decision to be with him and he doesn't want to have to go through that. We're both truly in love right now and I can't think about anybody or anything else rather than making a life with him.

Everybody irrespective of their age is able to fall in love and be loved. There is no reason why this feeling should not make them happy. The relationship can survive when you look over the age difference and see each other as two loving people with pounding hearts and romantic feelings. We've been together for almost 2 years and I am still madly in love with him."