Angelo writes, "I've been with my fiancee for 4 months. She has been in touch with her ex up to this time. She had an intimate relationship with him but they are friends now. The mother of the ex took her as her daughter because she had problems with her mother. He manipulates her more like she is a mat that you put outside and where he can wipe his feet all over. He disrespects her and invades her privacy. She lives in a house with a roommate that he owns. She tells me he comes to the house without notice and sometimes in the middle of the night. She tells me he is family because his mother took her in. She says he is a foster brother. To me it doesn't sound right because in the past she had her first time with him. I love to be with her for the rest of my life but keeping her ex will cause major problems in our relationship. She was telling me when we have kids more likely they will meet him too but I don't want my kids to see him. I don't know what to do. I love her but with her ex in the way I think I can't have a healthy relationship with my fiancee if she will keep her ex even after we get married, have a house to ourselves, and when we make our own family. Please help me."

What is wrong with this situation?

This is not looking good. I think based on what you tell me, she has not and will never be able to completely break up with him and his family, unless you whisk her away to a far-off place. She is apparently treated like a daughter by his ex's mom, she lives in a house owned by him, and probably does not want to cut off all ties with them because of her broken family. In other words, you always will be #2 in the relationship and he will always be sharing her with you.

How to sort the issue?

I think it will be nice for you to sit down with her and have a conversation like two adults do. There is no reason to argue or fight. Explain to her that a relationship cannot blossom if you hang on to a previous relationship the way she wants to. I think you need to calmly explain that you cannot possibly have a healthy relationship with her under the current circumstances but if she is willing to leave them and start a new life with you, that is what you want to do because you are already thinking about spending your life with her (in which case she wouldn't need them anyway). And if she is not willing to break with the past, it is best that you guys break up.

If the discussion gets ugly, spend a few days thinking about it, and give her another chance to respond, before you finally breakup. In any case, I am not getting good feelings about her because looks like there is heavy weight around her neck and she might never be 100% yours.

We at LuvCube publish selected stories about love and relationships. Here is a beautiful and inspirational story of Ingrid.

"I was always attracted to older men. It's not just physical attraction; I was always more mature than my age and couldn't see myself with younger guys.

I often wonder what exactly is considered a large age gap? 5 years? 10 years? 35 years? I'm not sure if anyone can explain where the designation would start. People who are on the same spiritual and intellectual levels don't have to be the same age to have a meaningful relationship. I don't think age is as important as maturity and compatibility. Love is love. When you are in love, what can you do? Love has no age. Age is an issue only when you want it to be an issue.

I am now in a relationship with a man 25 years older (I am 25) and I couldn't be happier. It’s an interesting experience in some ways because of the challenges it brings. I also believe that opposites do attract, sometimes. We have a wonderful relationship and a passion for each other. We both love each other. We rarely fight, and just because we try to resolve our problems, we both know how to find a compromise. I can share ups and downs of life with him, we both have a good sense of humor, we mutually respect each other, we have a lot of good/bad times, but we learn from and grow stronger every time. We have differences in many things but it also gives us the chance to share each others interests along with the interests we have together. Everybody has experiences - some good, some bad.

Relationships with age gaps are not for everyone, but if you think you can manage it, then why not? I think our life together is fantastic, despite our little problems and I can tell that I 'm a woman who intends to spend all my life with him. But sometimes he feels insecure (How to deal with insecure men?) that in the future, I will be unhappy and regret the decision to be with him and he doesn't want to have to go through that. We're both truly in love right now and I can't think about anybody or anything else rather than making a life with him.

Everybody irrespective of their age is able to fall in love and be loved. There is no reason why this feeling should not make them happy. The relationship can survive when you look over the age difference and see each other as two loving people with pounding hearts and romantic feelings. We've been together for almost 2 years and I am still madly in love with him."

Men must always respect his dating partner

Men not only appear to have commitment phobia, they some times even do not want to admit that they are dating someone. Laura recently ended up with a guy like that. While Karl was sweet to her and treated her well when the two of them were together, but would never offer to hang out with friends and family members. Then one day she found out something even worse. Read it in her own words.

"Karl is a an actor and the other day I decided to surprise him by going to his show. During the intermission, I sent word backstage that I was in the audience. After the show was over, I went to meet him. He introduced me to a few of his cast members but one girl asked if I was his girlfriend, and I just heard him say, "I told you already I don't have a girlfriend." I said goodbye and left. I decided that I'm taken for granted by this man. We have done everything that couples do and he still thinks that we are not in a relationship. I don't knw if I should cut him off completely or just have him as a friend. What do you think?"

My Advice

You know "I told you already I don't have a girlfriend" is the operative expression. In other words, either he is just using you or does not think of you as girlfriend material, of even worse, he has another girlfriend.

I know it takes a while before you start to publicly introduce your girlfriend and in that situation, he should have said, "Yes, that is the beautiful lady I am dating right now and I am so happy." That way you are still not saying that you are in a serious relationship but you are not treating the woman like a piece of garbage either.

My recommendation would be that you let him go - if you continue to be with him, he will simply assume that you are desperate and continue to humiliate you like this. If he is dating you, he should have had no problems saying that you two are dating right now - even if he did not want to introduce you as his girlfriend.

I know it is going to be hard but maybe it is time to move on.