In response to my article about married men looking to meet married women who are in sexless relationships like them (that is, they are not getting any sex from their spouses but are not interested in divorce for a variety of reasons), I heard from a reader, who says, "I am in exactly the same situation. I have been without any sex for the last 5 years, and unenthusiastic sex for 21 years before that. It seems like there is no honest way for a married person to find another married person who has been left in the lurch sexually. I even started my own support group for people in this boat but no luck find a woman in my area. Men should try the Experience Project; they have a group for the sexless marriage, and also a group for the sex staved sexless spouse."

Jason writes, "I am married to a wonderful woman. The problem is, she does not enjoy sex, I DO. Do I want to leave her? NO. We have tried counseling, she doesn't like going. We have tried sexual aids, she thinks it's weird. And still, I am yearning for the days of mad sex every night. So I'm 50, did my tallywacker die? No. Isn't there some woman that have the same issue only with their man and want to meet? Can't I find some sex crazed female that wants nothing more than to be mutual sex toys? Is there anything wrong with that? Usually, you spend months looking online and spend hours fruitlessly contacting women who say they only want sex, but really want more. Or they aren't real! or they are totally dishonest. Just say it like it is, I need and want it but don't plan on leaving my spouse. I'm not perfect but boy can I do it. What are my options?"

Dating for married people looking for a lover

Trust me you are not alone, if that gives you any comfort. That is why a whole bunch of websites have popped up trying to match sex-starved married people. Unfortunately, they are full of whores looking for customers.

In other words, it is not easy, and understandably so. Having a solid relationship like that is hard to find and many of my readers have told me that even mistresses can be too much work and often very manipulative.

Having said that, many people do find mutually beneficial relationships the old fashioned way. By hooking up with people that they already know through something else. Remember that the biggest barrier for a married woman (I strongly suggest married only because most single women eventually want to fall in love and marry you) to engage in a relationship like this is the fear of getting caught. However, if it is someone that they know well and trust, it is easier for them to take the plunge.

So look at the pool of people that you know and guess who could be in this situation. Also expand your circle. Get active in local community activities, join some interest based groups that attract women in your age group, and keep trying. It will be easier than you had ever imagined.

Adriana writes, "I in my sixties and have been with a man for 3 years who has no desire to be sexual with me. Because of the medicine he takes, the age he is and so on and so forth. I am a size 4 and stunning looking. We don't like the same types of music or interests but he is basically a nice guy and easy to get along with on a day to day basis.
I feel dead in this relationship. Most women in my age category don't have choices. Call me lucky but I look young enough to be my daughter's older sister. In essence shouldn't relationships be built on some form of commonality.
Your input would be greatly appreciated."

It is very obvious that you have a friend and not a romantic partner in this man. He appears to be a good man to hang out with but you should look for love and sex from another man.

Remember that not all men are looking for a romantic relationship and that is where this man is. In any case, you have only some things in common with him.

If you have tried to be intimate with him in the past or expressed your romantic feelings for him, it is time to have a chat with him and explain to him how important his friendship is to you and how you would like to keep it that way, but you would like to explore romantic relationship with someone else, and he should respect that. If he has a problem with that, then, he is not even a nice to guy to keep around (if you need a handyman around the house, search in the Yellow Pages).

And if he is a true gentleman, he will respect your choice and decision and might even help you find another man.

My boyfriend does not have sex with me

One of my long time readers, Grace, writes, "I always find your advice helpful and for this I want to thank you but you know problems in relationship never end. I am in relationship for over ten months but for the last three months we have not been having sex so much -- maybe in one month we have once or twice and the worst thing is that it does not last too long. This makes me angry sometimes and when I want to have sex and I touch him he removes my hands from him. Before we used to have sex five or four times in a week and I liked it. I tried talking to him about it and he said that he still loves and finds me sexy even if we did not have sex so many times. We live together and this affects our relationship but sometimes it is disappointing. Sometimes I try to figure out if they are just words which come from his mouth to make me feel good or is it normal. I don't want to cheat on him by taking someone else to fulfill my desires, but what do I do?"

I can understand that something like this might happen after being married for 10-20 years for people in their 40s and 50s, but if it happens after just 10 months, there is a serious problem in the relationship. When it happens so soon in a relationship, there can be a few reasons:

1. He has lost interest in you and is hoping to end this relationship as soon as he can. This behavior indicates that.
2. He has found another lover.
3. He has mental health problems. For example, he could be depressed, worried, or is living under a very high level of stress.

I think if it is #3, then you should try to help him by visiting a doctor and/or helping him overcome his worries and stress, but if it is #1 or 2, it may be time to end the relationship.