Alice writes, "Please tell me where I can get help for my boyfriend. He does not believe he has a problem but he thinks I am supposed to only have him as a friend. He has been married before. He and I were dating while he was going through the divorce."

Based on what you are telling me it seems that he is suffering from "commitment phobia." It is a problem with many men these days, but particularly acute among divorced men. Obviously because they have been divorced they lose some faith in the institution of marriage, but I don't count it as a valid excuse. If a man does not want to commit and only wants to be friends, he should be upfront about it rather than mislead a woman.

I have written extensively on this topic. Try a search here for terms like "commitment phobia" and "commitment phobic" on the page below and read more about dozens of women who have written to me about this issue.

Obviously you can try talking to him and also see if you can go to relationship therapy with someone who works with married couples.

My arranged marriage is not working out

I have heard from hundreds of people who have written to say that arranged marriage has worked for them. Of course, any marriage can fail but one of the biggest advantages of a marriage based on love is that you get to know the person before you commit to being married to her or him for the rest of your life. While people change over time, at least you get to know the major attributes of one's personality.

Since this is not possible in an arranged marriage, one of the readers of my blog, Jayson, has gotten into a lot of trouble with his . "During 10 years of our marriage, I have never been able to be fully physically intimate with my wife. She simply does not like sex and thinks that it is something dirty. She not only has no interest in romance with me, she even refuses to try. Basically once in a while we talk but from a distance. She doesn't like me touching her at all. Since she does not even want to see me without clothes, we have never really seen each other. I would be so happy to have a normal wife that I can love and please, while she does the same to me. I cannot even share this information with anybody and that is why for 10 years I have been quietly suffering. What can I do? I am ready to do anything to help her change her personality and just be a normal woman," he writes.

The bad news is that your wife is very sick (please consult a doctor since I am not one) and it will take years of therapy for her to cure. I would, therefore, strongly suggest that you get a divorce and move on with your life. If you have kids, fight for custody, so that her illness does not destroy the life of your children.

There are several possibilities why this might have happened. Maybe she is a lesbian. There is also a possibility that she has been raped and sexually abused as a child. Such trauma can do lifelong damage to one's personality.

She will need to consult with an experienced psychiatrist experienced in such issues. Therapy can take a lot of time and it is very unlikely that she will ever be a "normal" person. Her problems are so deep that there is little that you can do without professional help.