How to prepare for wedding night?

I wrote previously about how to offer sex as a birthday gift. I have an email from a reader and she writes, "I am having a birthday party for my boyfriend. We will have some friends come over to celebrate. I have asked him what he wants for his birthday and he told me about a few regular things that he would wish for. I think that he would really like to have sex on his birthday. I know I would. This seems like a great time to express our love to each other physically. What do you think? I have several questions. Maybe you could answer them."

Note: The answers below are to questions that almost any girl or man would have before making love for the first time, be it before marriage, or as it happens in some situations, on the wedding night.

Could you give me some advice of what to wear at the birthday party that I am having?

My recommendation would be to dress more or less like you would at any other birthday party for a friend. Try to recall how you and your friends have dressed in the past and how you expect your friends to show up this time. I think you do not want to over- or under-dress.

I want to give him a hint of what is to come but do not want to overdo with the other guests present at the party. Is there a way I can give him hints without the others seeing?

It seems difficult to do, particularly if you want to keep it a secret from friends. Can you tie a ribbon in your hair? Ribbons signify gifts; so maybe he will get a hint while others might simply think it is a cute hair accessory.

When the party is ending how do I get the other people to leave without my boyfriend leaving? I do not want it make it obvious to the other what is going on.

There are a few ways to do it. Pick what works best for your situation. Tell your BF via phone/email right now that it will be nice if he stays back after the party to help out with cleaning and dishes, but then, others might offer to help out too. Tell him at the party that you have a special personal gift for him that you are too embarrassed to give in front of everyone. Can he just stay behind after the party or come back later? That might be the perfect plan, I think. It will also give him a hint but still keep him guessing.

How should I let my boyfriend know that I am ready and would like to have sex with him? We have talked about it in the past. Should I let him know of my wishes before the party? How?

Nope. It will be nice to let it happen naturally that day. That is where the surprise comes in.

When the other guest leave how can I turn the topic to what I am about to do? Should this be done through giving him a note? What should the note say? Should this be done through speaking? What should be said? Should this be done through action? If so what?

Wear some item of lingerie that resembles a gift, let your dress drop to the floor, or even better, wear a dress that has a knot at the back of the neck and ask him to untie his personal special gift. From then on he will know what is he getting.

What kind of activities should be done before undressing?

I think when you two are alone, just relax, and talk like you always would. And then at some point when you think you are ready, just ask him, "Do you want your special gift?" and ask him to untie the ribbons/knot.

What kinds of kissing should be done before undressing? Should I start with a soft kiss or dive into a passionate one? What parts on a clothed body should I kiss? Where would he like to be kissed? How long do couples tend to kiss before taking their clothes off?

Do not try to choreograph everything as if this were an opera. A lot will depend on his reactions so act according to the situation and just do what feels right at that point. There is no good or bad way. Kiss the way you feel like and the part that you want. I have no idea what kind of a man he is and how he will react but just do what makes you feel great and he will respond the right way. Maybe he will be very eager to really open his gift and it might happen even before you actually kiss. So simply be prepared for anything.

How will we know when it is time to remove our clothes? Should I ask him to undress or just undress him? Should we undress in the bedroom or can we strip en route? Should kissing be involved in undressing? If so, how?

Since he will be seeing you naked for the first time I will guess that he is ready to do it sooner rather than later unless he is really nervous and shy or hesitant to do it. Maybe he is not sure if you are ready to undress completely. So if he does not do it, ask him to do it for you. I think a lot might be going on including kissing as you undress each other or yourself so do not try to plan each activity. Just go with the flow.

Should talking be done while we are kissing and undressing? What should be said?

I am hoping that you will be engaging in small talk and being playful/naughty with each other. So just relax and do not worry about a script for talking.

What should be done when we get done undressing?

It is common to touch, feel, and kiss your partner's body.

How can I make the bedroom romantic?

As discussed previously, music, lamps, and candles will be great.

What can I do to move us to the bed?

Just pull him or go sit/lie down on the bed whenever you feel like.

What activities should we do as part of foreplay?

Kissing, saying sweet nothings, touching, grabbing, rubbing, biting, licking, etc. are great acts.

Where on his naked body should I kiss? Is there an order that he would enjoy?

I am hoping that you will start with the lips and face and go down from there. The neck and nipples are very sensitive areas too.

How much touching and kissing should be done before I move to his organ? How will I know when to move down there?

Just long enough for him to get erect. I think since it is first time for him, he will get an erection in no time and then you don't want to waste too much time. In case he does not get hard, kissing and playing with his private parts should give do the trick.

How will I know where and how he likes to be touched?

By his responses. But lips, back of ears, neck, nipples, privates, inner thighs, etc. are all quite sensitive.

How should I let him know where I would like to be touched and kissed?

Tell him so. I hope you already know what are your sensitive parts. A man knows a bit but the best way is to just tell him.

How long do couples tend to do foreplay?

Depends how long they have been together. In any case, all the little playful talk about special gift and all is part of foreplay. But definitely 5-15 minutes will be a good start.

How will we know when it is time to move to intercourse? How can I take the lead? Should it be done through speaking, action, or both? Is there a way to know when he is ready?

Since you are doing it for the first time, he may not know how far you are ready to go but with the way things will progress, I think he will. He will be ready when he has an erection and you will be ready when you feel that you are totally wet. Make sure that you have several condoms available (remember this is your responsibility and do not expect him to have them) because not only you do not want to be pregnant you want to prevent yourself from diseases. And condoms also provide lubrication. I strongly encourage you not to have it without condoms. If he refuses, it is time to tell him that you will never do it till you are ready to become a mom. You can just fool around then and maybe just masturbate each other.

If we want to change can you suggest other positions and give advice on how to switch to these without being awkward?

Just ask him, "Let us try this position," and then move to it. Personally I would suggest that you stick to one position for one session of lovemaking. Only very experienced men can manage to change positions in the middle of the action. And next time you do it, just suggest that you would like to be on top or try rear entry or do it on the floor or the kitchen table or whatever.

How do I tell if he is enjoying it?

Sounds, facial expression, and body movements should indicate if he is enjoying himself. You can always ask him, "Do you like it?"

Should talking be part of the the ? What should be said?

Say what you want. Some women like to be quiet, others make a lot of noise, and a few talk dirty.

How long does the first intercourse experience last?

Like anything else first intercourse is very awkward, even for grownups. But no one lasts as long as movies might make you believe. A few minutes is all it takes.

What can be done after intercourse? What do men like to do after it?

Just lie and down and relax. You will feel tired and very relaxed, so enjoy the moment. So will he.

How do we tell if our love making was good or bad?

How did you feel? Did you like it? Did you feel intense pleasure? You will know how he did. And how he felt? Just ask him.

How can I suggest making love again in the morning?

I think you can have sex 2-3 times that evening before sleeping. After the first time, most couples take a short break and they can start again, but again it all depends on the mood and timing and how sleepy you both are.

How can I suggest making love again in the morning?

Most likely he would want it himself and no suggestion would be needed from you. From all I know, you might have to tell him NO at some point. In any case, the kissing and touching him will be a good sign that you want to make love in the morning.