How much age gap is too much?

At what point does the relationship become dysfunctional?

Lacey writes, "How much of an age difference is too much? A younger man contacted me online and we really hit it off. I really like this guy and we have been seeing each for over one month. I am very torn by the age difference and do not have the support of my sister, who is a big influence on me. My friends support me though. I have never been married and don't have kids. He has no problem with the age difference; is very mature for his age, but I feel as if I'm doing something wrong. I am 42 and he is 19; what is your advice?"

First of all, you are not doing anything wrong, because if two grownups fall in love, what is wrong with that? Secondly, you are not alone in having a relationship like this. While men have done this forever, during last 3-5 years, the trend has picked up among women too. If at this age, you have found a great guy, you wouldn't want to dump him just because he is younger. Would you dump a good man because if you two were of different races or faiths?

Whether to go forward with this or not depends on what are you looking for at this time. Are you interested in a casual relationship and fun? He maybe the perfect guy because it is so much more fun to hang out with younger people, who are so full of life. However, if you want to get married or have kids (for which your window of opportunity is very narrow right now) then you don't have time to waste. For this reason you also need to look at his career plan, how soon will he able to support himself, and if he is into marriage or not.

These issues also need to be discussed with him as well so that both of you are on the same page. For instance, if he is a guy who has this mature woman fantasy and all he wants to have fun, then unless you want the same, this will be pointless. Or if you want to get married and have a child right away while he wants to party and be a free spirited guy for a while, then, also you have a problem.

I suggest that you think first about what you want and then discuss this with him. As long as both of you are in agreement on what to expect from each other, there is no reason to hold his age against him.