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April in Oxford, Ohio, writes, "For several years, I was
dating a man 8 years my senior (I am currently 25 years old). A year ago, he had said that he needed time alone to think about our relationship and to make sure he is making the right decision by continuing our relationship. After giving him the time that he requested, he has asked that we can spend time as friends in order for him to figure out if this is the right decision. It is apparent that he is still
physically attracted to me and enjoyed that aspect of our relationship. He continues to be (or many times tries to be) physically affectionate with me, however, he continues to
date other women. He has told me that he wishes he “could lock me away until he figures himself out so there would be no way another
man could take me from him.” Since we have been in touch, he has had many opportunities to date me again. He has expressed concern that I may view him as “the one” for marriage; however, I have told him that I am in no rush for marriage. Additionally, I do not know him well enough in this regard to make this assumption. Would you kindly help shed some light on this situation?"
(Related article: Meet
a man and make him commit)
I am a little bit concerned about the fact that he is dating other women but then wants you to wait so that he can make up his mind. That is just not fair to you. You invest all this time by waiting while he is making up his mind and checking out other women.
(Related article: Men
avoiding commitment)
I think he is avoiding making a decision and he is exploiting the fact that you like him. So like a macho man, he is able to say that he can lock you away for him while he checks out if he can
find a better woman. At that point he can find some lame excuse (like you are too young for me) and ask you to leave him alone so that he can be with someone else.
(Related article:
Tips for insecure men) The fact that you are interested in him so much makes him think that you want to marry him because he is too good. Plus, there are other women dating him and that too has given him an attitude of being some kind of a "star." He thinks that he can keep checking girls out and find the one that is perfect for you.
(Related article: Break
free from a dead end relationship)
 So what can you do? I think he is just taking advantage of you as many
commitment phobic men do. Men tend to do that when a woman shows more than average interest in them, and particularly, if more than one woman does so. Generally, these men have something special in them - money, power, looks, talent, etc. I would say that after years of waiting for him, you might simply find one day that he does not want you long term. So you might want to
seriously consider moving on. It is OK to have him as a friend while he tries to figure out what he wants out of life but a meaningful relationship with him may not work out.
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