Dating after divorce

Dating after divorce

You need to move on

Divorce is such a painful experience for most people that they have a hard time dating again. While some end up dating the first person that they meet after the divorce is finalized (because they are so used to being married), others get so traumatized that they can never have another healthy relationship. This makes it specially hard for those who fall in love with them. What is needed is patience on both sides. (Related article: Hooking up with an old flame)

Take a look at what Kate in Merced, California, writes, "I am 35, attractive, fit, and crazy for a 49 year old man who was traumatized by a divorce 8 years ago. He's had a few girlfriends and has had negative experiences with all of them. I live in a small town and see him often. He is the kindest soul, but has said he is not willing to have a long term relationship until his son leaves home in 2 years. He said this after his recent custody battle. He is not a pig, or a user, and is friends with my family. I feel he is using his son as an excuse to avoid intimacy. Not that he hasn't made it clear he is interested in me, at least as a friend, and physically. He has indicated that when his son leaves for the weekend, we will go out. At first I was thrilled, but that little voice said he wants a back door girl for occasional intimacy. I adore this man and want to do what is necessary to end up with him in the long run, but after a year of trying, I am flat out of emotional energy. I am trying to avoid him because I think he sees me as not a challenge. I have sort of found my self respect and am open to finding another man. Problem is--he really is worth waiting for. What should I do?" (Related article: Go slow in online dating)

Photo of a romantic couple on a date in the park as they lie under a tree. I think Kate needs to be patient. Most people recover fairly quickly from their trauma of divorce (Men suffer more than women after divorce), particularly when they have support of people like Kate. There is another reason why this man maybe reluctant to date: his son. Many people feel that they if they start to date another person it will make their child angry with them because she or he is still attached to the other parent and will resent that the parent she or he lives with is already dating someone else. (Related article: How to make a man notice you?)

My advice for people like Kate is the following:

If this person is worth waiting, then maintain a close friendship without pushing for a relationship. Let him or her recover from the damages of the previous relationship. With time, healing will happen and he or she will then be ready for another loving relationship. (Related: How to get rid of relationship baggage)
Do not put all your eggs in one basket. Start dating other man and you can do so without any guilt because this person is not ready to commit anyway.
Finally, talk to this person's family and friends and let them know how they need to provide a supporting environment for him or her to recover from the trauma.

And if you are the type of person that Kate is in love with, here is what I would suggest. Take your time to recover from your previous relationship. There is no need to jump into another relationship. You are wiser this time. However, do not close your mind to exploring a relationship with a new person. Not everyone is the same as your previous spouse. It is perfectly acceptable to explain your fears and concerns but to totally rule out a relationship is not going to help you.

Thinking clearly about marriage before the wedding Relationships with divorced men Be careful dating just divorced men

Signs of a desperate man How to meet a date in a chat room? Divorce of Kimora Lee Simmons and Russell Positive relationship with your ex

Denise Richards dates Richie Sambora after divorce with Charlie Sheen How to ask a woman to divorce her husband?

Sheryl Crow Lance Armstrong relationship Uma Thurman Ethan Hawke relationship Why did Susan Sarandon breakup with Tim Robbins

Eva Longoria Tony Parker divorce Should I wait for a younger guy Dating a man with baggage from previous marriage

What do you think?