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We live in a society that puts a lot of emphasis on relationships, despite the fact that we have more people than ever that are "single" (not dating, divorced, never married, widowed, etc.). For some people like Justin this sort of obsession, particularly among young people, can be a problem.
He says, "I look at dating, how you are supposed to be with somebody,
move on when it's
over, find someone else, move on from them when it's over, lather, rinse, repeat...and I feel tired just thinking about it. I honestly don't feel I have the energy for such on/off relationships. I'm only 20. Why do I already feel like
a middle-aged single man looking at
relationships? Why is it that everyone else around me, all my friends all have such a zest for dating, etc, while I pretty much have an attitude of cynicism? I mean, my friends tell me I'm supposed to "want" love, intimacy,
etc, but I simply don't. It just doesn't have that big of a place in my heart or mind right now. They always tell me to follow my heart and do what I feel is right, but my most natural instinct when dealing with women, at least when it comes to romance, is to retreat into my shell. Don't get me wrong. While I am
painfully
shy, I'm not really frightened of relationships, I just don't feel the urge to bother with them at this time. I'm actually genuinely happy when the whole subject is out of my mind, but my friends insist on pestering me about it. So the more I think about it, the
more depressed I get about it, because I'm led to believe there's something wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me? Most of my peers are already
dating. I am neither, nor do I feel compelled to participate."
(Related:
Dating during holidays)
| Actually there is nothing wrong with Justin or anyone else who does not focus her/his life on
dating and
relationships. If this were the case your whole life and you were 30-40 years old, it could be worrisome. While there is no law that says that one must have a relationship or get married, human beings in general do fall in love with another person, some decide to marry, and others even choose to have a family.
It is important to note, though, that some studies
do show that married people not only
get more physical intimacy, they also are typically happier than their single counterparts.
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 However, you are still very young and there are a lot of other priorities that you should have.
If a committed relationship is not your
top one, then you are doing just fine. In fact use that energy to do whatever else you enjoy doing - sports, education, arts, etc. In many parts of the world, where
arranged marriages are the
norm, people do not spend their college years worrying about relationships. They focus on their careers.
Now you also mention that
you are very shy - which itself is a problem, but do you have some social life? Having a social life is important for our normal development - learning to interact with other people of all ages/types/gender. These skills are extremely critical to succeeding at school, work, family life, and relationships. So while there is nothing wrong with
delaying a committed
relationship, or never having one,
you must have good friends, spend time with other people, and just be part of the society. You can participate in many social activities that provide an excellent opportunity for social interaction but are not designed around romantic relationships. For instance, sports, volunteering, book clubs, hobby clubs, etc.
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