| |
Dating tips
for divorced people
How to deal with exes?
|
|
Cindy
was widowed two years ago,
found a wonderful man, and they now
live together. She says, "He considers me
his fiancée, but I am having difficulty facing
to the reality that he has been in a
relationship for so long. They are in the
process of putting up their house for sale and
dealing with disposal of other assets. I was
married to the same man my whole life and this
and this is my first relationship in decades. I
constantly think of their relationship and try
to
combat jealousy (How
to overcome jealousy). When we marry, what kind of
relationship with this ex-wife should I
force myself to accept?"
We live
in a world with 50% divorce rate - that means we all
will have relationships with people that have living
ex-spouses and/or children. Indeed, some
divorces and
breakups are ugly (good news for the next
partner), but in many cases, the
end of the relationship is not so bad. In many
cases, due to
children/property issues, ex spouses (Go back to ex) must stay
in contact. |
What
this means is that you will need to live with the
fact that the love of your life has a past and that
will sometimes creep into your life. In fact, to
somehow imagine that a
divorce or a breakup erases the past - well,
that is impossible, even if it ended on a sour note
(but remember there are more sweet memories of a
relationship than bad ones).
Does
it mean that you are less important? Hell, no. If you ever
feel that way, you are with the wrong man and it is time
to leave. However, if you constantly think of the other
woman and feel jealous - well, that is not going to help.
This man is with you not because he is in love with her -
I would guess that he is now in love with you. But he
cannot completely eliminate his past either, especially
when they are still
finalizing their divorce.
Once
everything is finalized, I think you should be the center
of his life. He should not communicate with her unless it
is in relation to their children (if any). I wouldn't get
too upset even if they exchange holiday greeting cards or
get together occasionally for a meal (many
couples stay as good friends forever even after
remarrying). You shouldn't think too much about those
things. I have even met with couples who hang out with
their ex's new partners. Several women that have written
to me also have become good friends with their partner's
ex - it helps them better understand their new man.
(Related:
How to get rid of relationship baggage)
What
should concern you is if you find that he wants to have
two relationships at the same time (highly unlikely)
and continues to have a very active relationship with his
ex. It has been only months since these guys broke up and
you should give them time to tie the loose ends - it is
the price you have to pay for falling in love with a man
who was not "single." So just enjoy your new
relationship -
jealousy is destructive emotion.
Recommended links: Think
before you get married Be
careful dating just divorced men Dating after
divorce is easy Divorce
with a smile How
to end a long-term relationship?
Pamela Anderson, Kid Rock divorce Dating after weight loss
Positive relationship with your ex
Men suffer more than women after divorce
Dating for widows
Why does my ex want to contact me
Dating a man with baggage from previous marriage What
do you think? |
