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Let
us take a look at Dora, a 35-year old
single mom in Mexico City. She
somehow ran into a business-school
student, Andy, who is 22 years
old. "Since the beginning,
I always told him the
truth about my age and about
two wonderful kids that I have. He introduced me proudly into his family in
the US and let me talk with his parents
over the phone. The problem is that he is not telling them my real age and about
the existence my kids either. He says that they won't understand our
age
gap, and suggested me not to say
to my parents either about our relationship yet. He is not
lying to me at all. We have good communication and he told me that
in the beginning he didn't think that our relationship would last and that is why he didn't
tell the truth to his family. Now after more than one year, he
can't find the way to tell the truth. Maybe because he is not sure if
I will take a serious decision about us in future. Once
I asked him if he would marry me in future and he didn't hesitate to say,
"Yes, I would, but the thing is
that I don't know what my parents will say about it."
So I do not know what to do. I know he wants to finish his MBA, and then get a better job and make good
money; that is his immediate goal, but
even though I am not in any rush,
since I am already 35, I would like to
know what he has on his mind.
When we talked about this he told me like he won't leave me
ever. What should I do?"
Based on your story, a lot of
things look fishy. If I love a person, I will not only be proud of
introducing him to the rest of the world, I will also say everything
else that is great about him. So by not disclosing a lot of these
details, he simply created more problems for himself and you. Now,
if he goes back and tells his family
that you are in your
thirties years old
and have two kids, he will put himself into a lot of trouble because
the parents will ask questions about
his judgment, particularly because he
seems to be the type who still is
guided by his parents. They will also
wonder why he was hiding all these things from them. In other words, just a very uncomfortable
situation for everyone. (Related
article:
Tips for insecure men)
So what can you do? You have to decide what you want
from him. If you really
want to marry him and believe in your heart that he is the
man for you and he will be there for you all along, then at some point
you have to ask him to come clean with everyone that needs to know
about you. He has to be a MAN and tell these people that he kept some
details from them and he wants them to know more about
Dora. He also has to say that no matter what others think, he plans to marry
Dora. If you are convinced that he has the courage to do it, then it is
worth being patient while he goes to graduate school. But if you
think he thought of you all along
only as a casual relationship and
expected that it will come to an end after he has had good time with
you, then it may be time for you to take some hard decisions.
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