Honesty in relationships

Honesty in relationships
The fewer lies you tell, the happier the relationship

While telling lies is part of our lives, lies do come to bite us. Here I will talk about those lies that we speak to a someone we date in the belief that the relationship will simply not last too long for the lies to be discovered. And while that may be true in most cases, it does not always turn out that way. So the message is that it is best to tell the truth all the time. You will win that way.

Let us take a look at Dora, a 35-year old single mom in Mexico City. She somehow ran into a business-school student, Andy, who is 22 years old. "Since the beginning, I always told him the truth about my age and about two wonderful kids that I have. He introduced me proudly into his family in the US and let me talk with his parents over the phone. The problem is that he is not telling them my real age and about the existence my kids either. He says that they won't understand our age gap, and suggested me not to say to my parents either about our relationship yet. He is not lying to me at all. We have good communication and he told me that in the beginning he didn't think that our relationship would last and that is why he didn't tell the truth to his family. Now after more than one year, he can't find the way to tell the truth. Maybe because he is not sure if I will take a serious decision about us in future. Once I asked him if he would marry me in future and he didn't hesitate to say, "Yes, I would, but the thing is that I don't know what my parents will say about it." So I do not know what to do. I know he wants to finish his MBA, and then get a better job and make good money; that is his immediate goal, but even though I am not in any rush, since I am already 35, I would like to know what he has on his mind. When we talked about this he told me like he won't leave me ever. What should I do?"

Based on your story, a lot of things look fishy. If I love a person, I will not only be proud of introducing him to the rest of the world, I will also say everything else that is great about him. So by not disclosing a lot of these details, he simply created more problems for himself and you.

Now, if he goes back and tells his family that you are in your thirties years old and have two kids, he will put himself into a lot of trouble because the parents will ask questions about his judgment, particularly because he seems to be the type who still is guided by his parents. They will also wonder why he was hiding all these things from them. In other words, just a very uncomfortable situation for everyone. (Related article: Tips for insecure men)

So what can you do? You have to decide what you want from him. If you really want to marry him and believe in your heart that he is the man for you and he will be there for you all along, then at some point you have to ask him to come clean with everyone that needs to know about you. He has to be a MAN and tell these people that he kept some details from them and he wants them to know more about Dora. He also has to say that no matter what others think, he plans to marry Dora. If you are convinced that he has the courage to do it, then it is worth being patient while he goes to graduate school. But if you think he thought of you all along only as a casual relationship and expected that it will come to an end after he has had good time with you, then it may be time for you to take some hard decisions.

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