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In a society with a 50% divorce rate and
lack of a desire to
commit, breaking up is
common. However, it is not easy to find a relationship that easily either. But does it make sense to
go back to your ex after you have had a messy breakup/divorce
or take back your
ex?
Let us review Caroline's situation and see if we can answer that question. Her boyfriend ended the relationship after he was attracted to a friend of theirs. But that relationship did not work out and after
breaking up with
her, he called Caroline to find out if they should
try to work things out. Caroline agreed since she loved him and was sad to see him go. In that intervening period, she also did not date anyone.
"He and I are very shy and sometimes when we are on the phone I find myself not talking and very nervous to speak, and so does he. Also many times when we are together I feel like he really loves me but when we are not I feel like he doesn't see me and only cares about having fun with his friends. Yet he calls me more often than I call him. I don't know what to do next. We have now been talking for 5 months since he first said he was sorry for everything. Please help! I love him so much and I'm scared to lose him," she says.
While I generally do believe in "forgive and forget," I am wondering if that is such a good idea in your case. First, he broke up with you to go out with someone else - and with a mutual friend, to make it even more painful. Then he wants you back not because he realized that it was such a big mistake to break up with you, but because he was single again. And based on the way you describe him, I see him as a selfish person who only cares about his happiness.
Now you have to ask yourself that if you love a selfish person, can you be happy with him long-term? While he has apologized and has been calling you, do you want to give him a second chance? How about telling him exactly how you feel (betrayed, rejected, etc.)? Since you are
shy and find it difficult to
communicate, I would suggest that you write it all down, and send it to him. If he genuinely loves and wants this relationship as bad as you do, he will come back to you with promises of never hurting you again and putting you (and not anyone else) first and at the center of his life. If not, it might be the end of it.
You will figure out a way to move
on.
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