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How to be a good mistress?
Tips on getting what you want the right way

 

Photo of a heart and a fifty dollar bill symbolizing a relationship with benefitsSandra is in a relationship with man who wants to have her as a mistress. "He likes and cares for me. He puts me up in an apartment, sees me when he wants, but otherwise leaves me alone. How to keep this man without having any problems? I really need someone to help me pay for college and I have had a rather rough life for years. What is it that I need to bring to the table? How do I stop myself from developing feelings for him? How could I make him have feelings for me? How do I get him to come around more? How do I get him to open up? He is so secretive, and discreet, and he is always testing me.  How should I handle this relationship?"

While he may not have said so, you are his mistress. He just wants someone to have fun with without the drama of a relationship. As long as you understand that you are in a relationship with benefits (this is not a place to discuss the ethics of it), do not spoil the whole thing by either trying to become sentimental or forcing him or expecting him to.

Here are more tips to be a good mistress:

  • He is not playing games - he means business. He realizes that you have a need for money, he is providing it, and expects things in return. If you don't, then he will find it elsewhere. He is a gentleman to say that you can live life the way you want and just be yourself but if he doesn't get what he wants, he will get mean.
  • Now, how to keep this man? You know what, that is something that he needs to worry about - how to keep you? The reason he does all this for you is because he likes you so much that he doesn't even mind the expense. So he will tell you exactly what he needs in return - so as long as you meet most of his expectations, there isn't much you need to worry about.
  • You are right to not want to have feelings for him - this is not a relationship based on emotions. He needs you and will dump you whenever that need is over. And that is why it is also a bad idea to push him to become emotional with you. Generally speaking when a relationship is based on money, emotions are rare. So just enjoy what you are getting, get on your feet, and see how long it lasts - if you guys fall in love, great, if not, then you shouldn't regret it. There is a reason why he is so secretive, discreet, and quiet - he wants to keep this relationship a secret from the world and you would be a fool to make it difficult for him. So use him for what he is good for because he is using you as well.
  • Regarding asking him for things - ask for what you genuinely need but don't try to screw him. He is no idiot. He will figure out that you are trying to take advantage of the situation. So ask him about things that you need, but don't ask him for diamonds and designer handbags (if he gives you of his own wish - then thank him). You do not want to come across as greedy. In my opinion, if you trust him, he will trust you too. Always do the right thing.
  • And finally, don't overspend. Live conservatively and save some money for a difficult time. Remember that he could stop paying you any time he wants and you will be on your own.

Related article: Personal finance tips for women 

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