How to find the perfect partner?

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How to approach the perfect man?

Men and women can often misunderstand each other due to wrong interpretation of non-verbal signals that we send. If you add to it a little bit of language related communication problems, you end up having a very delicate situation. That is what happened to Ingrid in Germany who happens to work for a Japanese bank in Frankfurt. That means a lot of cute Japanese guys around her who don't speak much German or English. Read her story first and then my suggestions on what she can do.

"This Japanese guy is really driving me crazy. First, he was all bold and full of hints but when I started to flirt with him, he backed off and started to show his shy side. Since he was the one to make a move, I decided to play hard-to-get. We had a small conversation at an office party and he got so close to me that he made his Japanese girlfriend (who came to the party) jealous (How to overcome jealousy). This continued for months and then he greeted me in a quiet corner at work. He told me about his limited language abilities and suggested that I get Japanese lessons from him so that we could talk.

Nothing much happened after that because I was still shy to make my move and we have been secretly eyeing each other for months. I think I am in love with him but also very frustrated with the situation. So what should I do? Should I ask him for a date?! I fear being so straightforward because I can't speak Japanese. What kind of date will it be if you can talk only a little? Sometimes I think I should go straight to him and no matter what happens, just go out with him. Maybe he can teach me some Japanese too. But then I think I'd better wait for his move. Where is all that boldness in him now that I am ready?! I feel he's interested, but what to do?"

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Suggested game plan

I think you both have given conflicting signals to each other making life difficult for each one of you. To me it seems that when he acted bold and you did not respond immediately, he assumed that you were not interested but it seems he is very interested and, like a typical Asian man, he is too shy in making the next move.

So my advice to you would be that you make the next move. And to keep it simple, you must ask him to teach you basic Japanese - tell him that you want to learn some language seriously, how interested you are in Japan, and how much fun it would be if he can give you some lessons. That is how most relationships in Japan start and I had similar experience when I lived there. And yes, I was also in a situation like yours - I did not speak any Japanese at all but when a man and a woman meets, magic happens - they can still communicate. So buy a Japanese-German dictionary and "Learn Japanese" book immediately and when you ask him for lessons show him your commitment by giving him a peek at the books. And then simply set up a date for lessons. (Related: How to learn a foreign language)

Can you do this much? If you can't tell him by speaking Japanese, write down in simple English in a greeting card and give it to him - all Japanese know enough English; they are just shy to speak it. Hopefully, things will work out just great from there on.

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What do you think?