How to get ready for a relationship

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Getting ready for a new relationship

Surviving a breakup

By Lisa Kramer

Alice in Bridgeport, Connecticut, says, “My first and only boyfriend just left me. We dated for about six years and he did not even have the courtesy to tell me he wanted to leave. He simply stopped calling me, did not respond to my calls and told my best friend that he did not love me anymore and he was moving on. I feel awful. What can I do to overcome this? How can I get ready for a new relationship?”

We understand how you feel. This boyfriend did not treat you the right way. What is surprising is that you stayed with a man for six years and this person did not have the etiquette for a proper breakup, particularly when it does not seem that you guys had a fight or dispute. From your email we think you are very young and perhaps he treated you like this because of his own immaturity. This is not the way to break up any relationship, and if you are a man reading this, our message is that you should behave yourself. It is acceptable to breakup and move on but you need to do it in a dignified manner. After all you are dealing with a “person” here. (Related link: Tips on communicating the bad news of a breakup).

You have taken the first few steps everyone needs to take after a breakup: you know you have to overcome this and you will. Most of us go though this type of pain and almost all of us come out of it stronger and wiser. Take time to mourn the relationship, cry as much as you want, but you must stop crying after a few days; it was only a relationship. Try to go out with you friends and think of something else. This guy does not deserve your thoughts. (Related article: Brangelina phenomenon)

Preferably take some time before you seriously date other guys because you are in a vulnerable period of your life. I typically advise to take a break from men for a fixed period of time. Generally, 60 days works the best. When you have a time allocated for healing and recovering, you can focus on yourself rather than thinking that something was probably wrong with you and how badly you were mistreated. And no matter, whom you meet during this period, you must politely tell them that you are not ready for a relationship. If they genuinely like you and want a relationship with you, they will wait for you to call back. Do not get a Mr. Wrong because you do not want a similar experience. (Related article: Living together before marriage)

After the 60-day period, you can ask yourself if you ready and get back into the dating game. If not, there is nothing wrong with being single for another 30 days or so. At that point, you will be fully recharged and ready to go pick the men that you like.

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