How to succeed at a relationship

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How to develop a plan to find a relationship?

Both planning and execution are key to success

By Pierre Coda

While statistics on a global basis are hard to come by, the Census Department reports that in the United States, there are as many as 100 million single adults. In a country with approximately 300 million people that is a very big number. Now there is good and bad news. The good news is that since there are so many single people out there it should be easy to find someone. The bad news is that if there are so many single people, something must be wrong. We all know that half the marriages in the United States fail. Generally speaking, divorced people become more cautious in their next relationship, if at all they decide to have one. Then with so much bad news about failing relationships and almost everyone having friends and family members in bad relationships, the younger people are more skeptical of romantic relationships. Psychologists also agree that children raised by single parent or in families with dysfunctional relationship among parents or other immediate relatives tend to have cynical attitudes about relationships.

No wonder that we have some major problems in the American society and our research shows that a large number of single people do not take all the right steps to find the person that will give them long-term happiness. Based on our experience, here are some of the things that people are not doing right to find love:

1. Waiting for luck to strike
Finding love is like finding a dream job. If you do not try hard to find the employer that will let you do what you really want to do, you will end up being in the first job you find and will hate it the rest of your life. You might even be fired for not performing since you will not enjoy it and will not do your best. Our research shows that so many people just wait for their dream boy or dream girl to come along without even trying. (Related link: Advice to women to attract the right kind of men)

2. Trying to get it on the cheap
We are continuously shocked to hear from people who seem very committed to finding love but then do not want to spend a penny. Just sitting at home is not going to get you too far. Not only you have to have decent clothes and anything else that you need to make a favorable impression on a date, you also need to budget something for a date and subsequent engagements. But before you even get a date, you must plan on spending money to find one. If you believe in in-person approach (something that we highly recommend but is not enough by itself), you will need to go to parties, participate in voluntary activities, and even visit bars - all of these will cost varying amounts of money. We also recommend that you try online dating options but be fore-warned that any service that is free, you are very likely to meet other free-riders. So these are other people who are not committed either and while you might get lucky sometimes, it is not the way to find meaningful relationships. We suggest websites that are not particularly expensive, and also have free trial periods so that you can check out the system before you commit to spending any significant dollars.

3. Not following through
Have you ever noticed what you need to do to keep a job? The pain that one has to go through to find and keep a job can be stressful. If one does not pay the attention a job deserves, a job is lost pretty quickly. The same thing happens with a relationship. If you do not put your heart and soul into it, well, a breakup or a divorce is guaranteed. After the first date itself, the discipline should start. All the way from remembering all the important details, finding time for activities together, and treating the partner as the most important person in the world, to developing an action plan for the future need discipline. (Related link: Have some fun with your partner in the bathroom)

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We hear daily from women and men who are lonely and desperately want to find love but only 5% or so of these people actually succeed. From some, we never hear again once you tell them that finding love will require discipline and hard work. Others bolt when you tell them it will cost some money - they rush to find where else can they go where they can get it for free. The third group comprises folks who just do not have the commitment to succeed. Do you belong to any of these group?

If so, you will need to change if you want to succeed. Take your search for a relationship seriously. Once you get into a good relationship you will really regret all those years you wasted being single. Use all the help you can.

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