|
Tina and Don have been dating on and off for about 6 months. For her, it was
love at first
sight. As Tina tells me, "I could see myself
spending the rest of my life with him."
Don, on the other hand, doesn't
believe in love at first sight and feels you can't even say "I love you" until you have been together for at least a year.
A while back, Don wanted some space, which Tina gave him and they did get back together for about a month. During the time they were apart, Tina dated, briefly, but did not build any
solid relationships with any other men. From what I understood, she did not sleep with anyone she dates. However, when Don and Tina got back together, he said to her, "If you cared about me so much, it didn't take you too long to
start dating other men." She explained to him that she didn't date until about 3 or 4 weeks after they decided to take time off from each other. She simply told him that the the separation was hurting her and she needed conversation and companionship while Don was not there for her.
As Don and Tina were in the "working things out" stage, she once asked him if she was wasting her time trying to work things out with him. His answer
was no. But Tina still let him know that it was difficult for her because she felt that she was doing all the work in trying to save the relationship. He got mad and said, "Let's put things on hold."
(Related:
Story of old man dating young woman)
Right now, Tina has pulled back from the relationship. She asks, "My question is, with the things he has said about me dating others and that I am not wasting my time - is this an indication that there is hope for us? He has come out and told me he is not ready for "that kind of
commitment yet." I can understand that and want him to come to the realization on his own that we are good for each other
(Men
suffer more than women after divorce). Do you have any advice for me?"
What Tina and Don are going through is not unusual. While
dating after divorce might appear to be easy since you are lonely and want to be with someone else, in reality it is quite a challenge since you become more skeptical of a person who wants a relationship.
-
Don appears to be hurt with his previous relationship that he may have lost
trust in
relationships. It is fairly common when you give so much to a relationship and find that it was a waste. It will take him time and love of another wonderful woman to realize that not all women are the same and there are wonderful women like you in this world.
-
Generally speaking,
jealousy is a good sign - that he cares for you and felt jealous that you saw other men. But it may also be the case that he simply does not trust you because his wife went away with a family friend.
-
"Love at first
sight" is a very personal thing and not everyone believes in it. There is nothing wrong with him that he thinks that you need some time before you can realize that a woman is made for you and you can spend the rest of your life with her. I think you will agree that it is only after you spend some time that you learn enough about a person to imagine that you can be with them forever.
-
Based on what you tell me, it is clear that Don is neither interested in a
long-term relationship right now nor is
ready to make a commitment to you at this time. Having said that, the question you have to ask is How long should you wait before he makes up his mind. How can he expect you to wait while he deals with his personal issues? Why is he jealous when he needs his own space and cannot give you the attention that you deserve if he wants to have a relationship with you?
|
