How to overcome shyness?

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Image of a shy couple getting to know each other in a public place where they can feel more comfortable

How to overcome shyness?

You don't go too far with dating if you are shy

By Pierre Coda

Melissa from Austin, Texas writes, "There's this guy in my church that I've had a crush on for quite a while now, and I think he feels the same way about me. We constantly exchange glances, but that's it! All that's great but I want something more. So the problem here is we're both super shy!!! Please tell me how I can I overcome my shyness and solve this problem."

Melissa is not alone in missing out on a dating opportunity just because she is shy (Related link: Shyness among women). Shyness is a major problem that almost every one has to some extent and there is nothing to be embarrassed about it. In fact perfectly normal people can feel very shy in certain circumstances. For example, good salespeople (who are otherwise not shy) can feel very shy if they have to address a large group of people. Bartenders who typically flirt with their customers all the time can get tongue-tied when they have to approach a person that they like. In Melissa's case, the situation is made worse because of the object-of-her-desire being super-shy. But with a little bit of effort and confidence, she can easily overcome her shyness, particularly because the person she likes is likely to appreciate even a small advance by her. (Related article: How to make a man notice you?)

If he were not shy, I would have given Melissa some simple advice for approaching and dating men (I am writing it below for the benefit of those shy people who like someone that does not appear to be shy):

Give her/him a smile when he glances at you
Maintain eye contact for a couple of seconds more than you usually do
Try to get physically close to him/her so that he/she can approach you

For people like Melissa, like another shy person, I typically suggest that they take control of the situation. It will work out pretty well because the other person will actually appreciate the initiative. It is also easier to start since you know that the other person is as petrified as you are and will appreciate that you took some of the burden on your shoulders. But be warned, do not try to come across as too aggressive (very unlikely but I am just warning in case you fake a bit more than desired and end up intimidating the other person). (Related article: How to reduce shyness among women?)

But how will you take control of the situation?

After all you are a shy person and do not like to take control of the situation. But you can by following the simple steps outlined below:

Try to relax on Sunday morning. Clear up your mind, and if you believe in it, meditate for a few minutes.
Tell yourself that it is just another day at the church (which it might very well be).
Ignore the pull that you feel for him and think of him as another church member.
Try to visualize in your mind if he were an old man. How would you approach him? What if 'he' was actually a woman? How easy will it be for you to just smile and greet her and then maybe talk about the sermon!
Arrive a bit early in the church but do not sit down. Just walk around and chat with someone if you can. Wait for him to come but do not follow him. When he sits down, walk to his area with confidence, and give him a smile. You can just confirm if the seat next to him is taken or not, and if not, make yourself comfortable. If you can do this much, half the battle is over. The very fact that you decided to sit next to him is the first step in starting a conversation with him that will eventually lead to something more exciting.

Recommended link: How to attract men?

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