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Should I wait for a younger
man?
We love each other but he is still in college and I am a
single mom |
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Marilyn writes, "I have read
through the challenges we
older women face while falling in love
with younger men. I am facing the same dilemma. I tried my best
to keep away from him and I knew it's really wrong to even think
abut
love or be attracted to a guy younger than me. But after
few moths I opened up to him and surprisingly he had the same
feelings towards me and he too felt it wasn't wise to share such
thoughts. But we couldn't stop ourselves from getting closer. We
love each other and sometimes I'm very surprised to see how
determined
he is to continue this relationship irrespective of
the age difference of 15 years between us. We both want this to
work between us, but I have a son who is 8 now and I've been
separated from my husband for the last 4 years and we've decided
to divorce just a few weeks back.
I don't feel guilty any more
for falling in love but my worry is we live in a very
conservative society. It's going to be twice difficult to get
anyone to understand what we share. He still has a long way to
go with his
education and then a career. I don't know what the
situation is going to be. I'm not in a clear state of mind.
Please, could you help me understand if there's anything I'm not
doing right and if waiting for him is the right thing to do,
because I'm willing to, but
what if he finds someone else since
he's moving elsewhere to study. Kindly advise." |
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 Yes, your situation is a tricky
one, but think along this line. Imagine for a moment that he was
around your age or a few years older, a more typical situation
for
man-woman relationship. Will you still be with him? Will you
wait for him if he had to go someplace far as part of his
education or work?
If the answers to these questions
are yes, then you should really
pursue this relationship because
it is not easy to
find a good partner and if you have
found
someone, it is not a good idea to let the opportunity slip by.
We all need to make compromises when
choosing a partner. The way
I would not reject a perfectly wonderful
girl if her hair was
not the color that I like or her
height was a bit shorter than I
want, for the same reason, you do not have to
reject him just
because he is younger than you.
Having said that, the right thing
to do is to talk to him about these issues and see what he has
to say. If he assures you that he wants you for who you are and
is willing to go all the way despite your being a
single mom or
living in a conservative society, then, you should support him. |
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Regarding the society, I am not
a big fan of paying attention to it when it comes to very
personal decisions. People always figure out something wrong
with our lives and if we pay heed to them, there is nothing but
misery ahead. In the end, we are on our own and that is why it
is best to ignore the society and do what is in our best
interest. The society is there only to criticize but isn't there
to give us love or support us during difficult times.
Regarding his moving away, well, it
will be tough on both of you, but if you two love each other,
you can make it work.
Will he find someone else? Well, maybe,
but so could your
husband or another
boyfriend of the same age.
The point is that we cannot worry what will happen in the future
and there is no evidence that a
younger guy is more likely to
leave you than a man your age, because as you already know from
personal experience, even
marriages fail all the time. |
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Related:
Are younger men supportive of their mature girlfriends
Is it wrong to date a younger guy
How is sex with older men
How to deal with society when dating an older man
How much age gap is too much
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