How to breakup

Brokering a breakup
The best way to end a relationship

Martha, a married woman, but in a relationship full of physical and mental abuse, has been seeing another man (who too is in a dysfunctional relationship with his girlfriend of 14 years). They think that they have found love and have been spending a lot of time together.

Martha writes, "Tom's girlfriend somehow read a couple of his emails from me, when I told him that my husband does not appreciate me. She has threatened to tell my husband. She is threatening him about me too, and he is living under lock and key for the time being. At our age (late 50s) we both do not want to get married but we do want to leave our current relationships, though not live together, and have this relationship that is so beautiful. I am very upset at the current turn of events as I don't know what to do. Please help."

The turn of events does not surprise me - any time you are "cheating," sooner or later someone will find out. It is nearly impossible to keep an extramarital affair a secret forever. I am glad that you both are still in deep love and this situation is only bringing you closer.

Martha, the time has come for both of you to be brave and take on the new challenge. I think you need to say goodbye to your husband and he needs to do the same with his girlfriend. Even if you guys don't live together - you both need to be free to pursue your love for each other. Sneaking like that for too long is not possible and maybe now the time has come. It is also the time for you to stop the abuse and break free. Maybe your husband will be even more abusive when you tell him that, so it is not a bad idea to get help from friends, family members, and even an attorney when you actually announce your decision to separate.

These may be difficult choices to make for both of you but your current relationship is special and if you leave this opportunity, another one may simply not come.

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