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Monique
is
married with four children. Being
married to an
alcoholic and loser
meant that she had no choice but to
become
financially independent. So she
launched her own small business which
has since become successful. She
writes, "Three months ago my husband
tried to kill himself. This is his
fourth attempt and I feel he didn't
really want to kill himself but
instead it was manipulation against
me. Anyways, he went to the hospital
and then the psychiatric ward and was
there for about a month. Then he was
sent to a rehab and he is expected home
in about a month from now. I have said
to him in the past that I need to be
separated for a while to figure out
what I want and if I want all this
drama in my life. I am a
strong woman,
independent, and self-motivated. I do
not need approval or seek it. I know
right from wrong and I have never lied
to my husband. I do have hurt feelings
because of his decisions and his
unacceptable behavior. He is very
deceptive and manipulating. I need to
know if I am codependent and why. How
can I change?"
As I read about you, I notice two
contrasting personalities. On one hand
you say that you are
independent,
strong, self-motivated, etc., but at
the same time you are with a man who
is simply not right for you and has
abused you for so long. So it could
very well be that while you want to
think that you are independent and
strong, in reality you are very weak
inside. In other words, you are
codependent because you are scared
of facing the reality of being a
single mom.
Having said that, it is not the end of
the world. Here is what you may want
to think about. A lot of women, who
have never been alone, find the idea
of being without a man (and with four
kids to take care of) overwhelming. It
is a
big responsibility and our
society is not a big help to people
like you. But if you have been keeping
track, the number of single moms is at
an all-time high. And for someone like
you who is essentially financially
independent, it should be even easier
to build a life of your own in which
you run the show. |
own and pays you child support. My expectation is that you
will face small challenges in the
beginning, but you will also realize
that you have one less thing to worry
about - a good for nothing husband.
And focus on your business and
children as you unleash the hidden
power inside you.