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Keeping secrets

What to share and what to reveal?

By Imfwama Wotela

Secrets are our undisclosed part of our lives, which when divulged by others, or ourselves can send shocking waves to our friends, family and people that know us either in a positive or a negative way. But then on a lighter note, we also have the little secrets that we keep in order to surprise our loved ones with a gift or a party. It is indeed a lot of fun when we invite all their old friends and they wonder how you all planned it without them knowing it or giving out a hint. However, our discussion today goes deeper than that as we will discuss the dark side of secrets.

 

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First here is a story worth listening to:

“…And the best student of the year award goes to Miriam Smith”! Miriam 26, beaming, tears of joy streaming down her face got up and walked to the stage to get her trophy. Seven years in medical school had finally paid off. Both her parents and family members were there to witness this great occasion for their dear daughter and sister. Soon Miriam will have to leave home and begin her new life and career as a young medical doctor. This was one occasion she would live to remember for the rest of her life but little did she know that this joy would soon be short-lived because something tragic would happen to her that very week and it would change her life forever.

A few days later, her mom walked in her room and told her she had something to tell her.  “Miriam, I am sorry but I have to say this, I know you are a big girl now and have grown into a strong, intelligent and beautiful woman and I am proud of you but I believe you deserve to know this.” She could see that her mom was struggling to even maintain eye contact. Finally she let it out “ Mr. Smith is not your biological father.” Miriam’s heart sank as she thought that she was dreaming. Tears rolled down her face, the image of her beloved daddy came tumbling down and broke into little pieces. “I am sorry,” she continued, “ Your real dad died 5 years ago and I never told him that I was pregnant. He didn’t know about you, neither does your dad Mr. Smith know anything.” At that point Miriam felt like a part of her just died.

I am certain that this story brings about emotions of anger. So many questions arise but this is how devastating certain secrets can be when divulged. Miriam’s situation is one of many different examples of how powerful a secret can be. This information not only changed her life but the entire family’s life will be shaken. For instance, how will Mr. Smith handle the news? Will he still trust his wife? The chances of their marriage breaking are high too.  (Related article:  Prom date into a relationship)

Every person has some form of history or a past. There are so many things that have happened in our lives from the day we were born up to the place where we are today. Some of the things we have been through have shaped us to be who we are today and other things we would rather never talk about to any soul either because we are ashamed or we don’t want people to look at us differently or they bring back sad memories which may cause pain to us again. The bottom line is that these things are part of our lives whether we like it or not.

These you may choose to keep as a secret or silent till you die or choose to reveal in a will or on your deathbed or at an appropriate time. What is of prime importance is the reason why you chose to keep the secret. However, if that has a negative effect on you, that is, it keeps you thinking, worried, nervous etc., then it is not worth risking your life for because it is a poison and we all know what that does. To solve this you may need to let it out to people you can trust and are willing to help you.

 

Next article: Should you share all your secrets with your partner?

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