Libido differences in couples

Particularly if the age gap is large

As everyone knows the hottest trend right now is being in a relationship with someone younger/older than you. With the change in attitudes and values, these relationships are no longer taboo and most of them work out just fine.

But like anything else, there is one problem. As we get older, our performance in the bedroom continues to decline. Plus, old age also means decline in overall health. In other words, it is best to think about these issues early on, rather than postponing them in the hope that you can deal with them simply because you love the person so much. (Related article: Relationship with younger wife)

Jane, who is just 38, is dating a man who is 56. She says, "He is the best lover I have ever had in my life. I'm sure if I met him 10 years ago I would say the same; but my point is that older men are so much more satisfying when it comes to pleasing a woman. The man I love is creative and uninhibited. He appreciates my youthful heart and energy and it just is magic. The one downside - I wish he could do it more frequently. His libido isn't quite up to my level and there are times when I find myself 'white knuckling'! What should I do?"

Well, while this is a problem that even couples who are in the same age bracket face, it can be more acute in case of couples with huge age gap. And in my opinion, despite all the help that Viagra can provide, this can be an issue.

Essentially what you are gaining from is his experience, but at the same time you realize that you and your lover are in different phases in your lives. It some ways it is great that you can turn such a relationship into a "teacher-student" relationship so that one person benefits from another person's expertise. But at the same time, the teacher is also "old" and is getting older each day. That means the problem is only going to get worse each day. Particularly, as you reach your second prime sometime during the next couple of years, while he will see a rapid decline in his libido at that time.

If you plan on staying with him in a long-term committed relationship, then you will have to learn to live with it. You will have to learn to be happy with hugs, kisses, and cuddling, and some of my clients are even happy to use "toys" to do what human beings are incapable of. But it is not easy for many people to get used to the idea, particularly for women like you who claim to have a high level of libido. (Related article: What to do when the passion dies?)

But if you think that you are too young for him and would rather have someone who has a similar level of libido and stamina, then it may be a good idea to end this relationship as soon as feasible and seek a relationship with someone closer to your age. (Related: Story of old man dating young woman)

I can understand how hard this decision can be, especially when you love him so much at this point, but it is good to think about this right now since lack of physical gratification can often lead to depression, and in the worst case, a strong desire to commit adultery.

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