My mother wants me to be another man

But I am already pregnant with another man whom I love

Vivian writes, "Let me first tell you about my past. I was married for 4 years to a man, who let's say I used to escape my tragic childhood. He was nice from the beginning but already showed a different kind of behavior right before our marriage which sadly I did not notice till it was too late. He hated my mother even though I know that my mom is also sometimes a paranoid woman. I relocated to his native country but for 2 years he never let me go out, never wanted me to have any communication with any of my relatives. I was not allowed to have pets or to work or study. The time when there was an emergency that I needed to come back home to my mother and spend time with her, everything changed. He never communicated with me while I was there and the worse part is he never sent me any money. When I come back I found out he was with another woman. To make matter worse, when he went to another country on a business trip, he called me to say that he had been arrested on drug charges, and after a brief trial, he was sentenced to 7 years in prison. I couldn't stay in his native country because I didn't have job and no money to support myself. So I went back to my country and stayed with my mother. For 2 years without any news about my husband I decided to move on. After a year I met a guy on campus since I decided to go back to school. He is 10 years younger than me but very mature. Sometimes I feel like I'm more childish than he is. His attitude is different from most men I know. He is taking care of me, loving me so much, loyal, honest, very kind and loves children. I am bearing a child from him and will soon give birth. We are happy living together, his parents know about this already and his family likes me. The only problem I have is my mother. I don't know how she will react about my relationship with him. It's not that I am afraid but I don't want to have a family crisis. And for the first time that I am really happy and satisfied with my love life, I don't want my mom bugging us again especially with me having a baby with this young man. My mother's character is not really pleasant. She likes manipulating people and is a person who discriminates against poor people. It so happens to be that this man is way below our socio-economic level. She will discriminate him first due to his age and secondly because he is poor. My mom can really hurt people's feelings when she talks. I don't want to lose this guy and really want to pursue this relationship. Can you give me advice of how I can talk to my mother so that she won't panic at all? I will understand a slight disappointment but is it alright to tell her now or should we wait till my guy matures a bit more and has a successful job? If we have to wait then how can I hide the fact who the real father of my child is. Of course she will ask why the race of the baby is different from the race of what she is expecting because she thought that I was dating a man whom she introduced to me. Please help me."

Wow, you have had a difficult life with so much drama and I am happy for you that you have finally found a man with whom you can be happy forever.

I totally understand how your mother is. These women are often control freaks because they want to control everything around them and once they lose control they panic. I know one woman who does not even go in a plane because she does not trust pilots. She likes to drive her car herself and if a place is too far she simply doesn't go.

I think the reason your mother has engaged in this behavior with you is that first of all, you have let her do it, and secondly, you are not in a position to protest because you are financially dependent on her. If your man was financially independent and could support you, I would have given different advice but right now you are in school, he is also a student, and you are about to give birth, and that means that confronting her is not an option.

My advice would be to use charm and flattery to convince her. Make her feel good about herself, praise her for being so supportive to you, thank her for all that she has done for you so far. Basically, you are trying to manipulate her the way she does. You want to make her feel that this is all good for her and that somehow this was her idea all along. Give her massages if you need to or cook for her or kiss her feet but tell her great things about her because women like this want to feel important and powerful.

Once things are going well, tell him how you have found love again and how great it will be for everyone. Tell her about the man and the pregnancy. I do not think you have a choice because you could have hidden the relationship but there is no way you can hide who the father is.