How to resolve conflicts in relationships

Be in a relationship for the right reasons

Nicole writes, "I have been living together with a guy for 5 months because we were both financially insecure. He comes from a broken home, never graduated from high school, his father kicked him out when he was 15, his mother left him early in life and his brother is an alcoholic. On the other hand, I am pursuing my bachelors while working as a paralegal. I feel like I am more intellectual and emotionally mature than he is. I want to be free and live my young adult life, while I think he is searching for a sense of stability in his life. He tells me things like "I love you so much that if you ever break up with me it would really break my heart." I feel bad when he says stuff like that because I am not happy at all, and all I want him to do is leave. What should I do and How should I go about it?"

Indeed your situation is very delicate. Dumping him at this point seems so inhumane and will be devastating for him - the little stability that he sees in his life right now will be gone once more. (Related: How to start a new life after breakup and How to leave an abusive partner)

In case you are at a point that you absolutely know this man is not for you, breaking up is the right thing to do. You both are still young and there will be many opportunities for both of you to find the right partners. (Related: How to have a painless breakup)

Since you guys live together, breaking up would mean that one of your has to move out, but if you are financially more stable, you can reduce his pain by helping him find another place to stay and giving him some time rather than asking him to leave right away. You can also tell him that while he may be a good person to have as a friend you do not seem him as your husband any more and it is best that you both find the right people to spend their lives with. Tell him that you will still help him get on his feet, motivate him to return to school, and promise to give him advice when he needs it but you definitely do not want to live together or have a romantic relationship with him.

Yes, it would hurt to say all this but in the long run it will be best for both of you. I think we should all do our part in helping people around us but we can't have a romantic relationship just to help someone out.

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