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When your
relationship is showing signs of
trouble, it is easy to just consider it doomed and
give up. There is always that hope somewhere inside your mind that you can find someone better next time or at least not have to deal with the
problems of a relationship and be single (and happy) again.
In many cases that may actually be true but I prefer that you give your absolute best one more time before you
finally walk away. Tina in Seattle was one such person who did exactly what I told her. Her relationship with her husband was getting strained to the point that she wanted to leave him and
become a single
mom. She liked another man with whom she had a platonic relationship and he was the one helping her go through the challenges of a difficult marriage. However, I told her to try her absolute best for another 90 days after her husband promised to do his part.
(Related:
Jessica Simpson unable to forget Nick
Lachey)
Tina tells me, "My
husband has been really good and loving to me in the first
week since we started working on
repairing our relationship. He is now more like his usual self - the man that I fell in love with and decided to marry. Hope he'll at least
be not rude and my life with him will not be
intolerable. I'll wait and see. I understand that even a
reasonably good relationship with my son's father is better than a dream about a potentially happy relationship in the
future. I still have my platonic friend on my side though. I cannot
make myself to forget him and throw him out of my life. He gives me something I need very much. Is this OK?" she asks.
No matter what the so-called
polyamorous people believe, it is not easy loving two (or more) people at the same time with equal
intensity (I guess swinging
is somewhat different). While I do believe that we have almost infinite capacity to love, things do get somewhat complex when you start to share.
(Related:
How to leave an abusive partner)
For the
relationship-repair time period, please try to keep the other man out of your mind and life - even if it is only a
platonic relationship. Just put your whole heart and soul into your marriage, do what you can to bring the relationship back on track, and hopefully it will all end really well. Let me say this, for a good woman, if she wants, she can
find another guy any day (in case this guy walks away because she did not pay attention to him for 90 days). You do not have to tell him anything and be polite and nice in case you run into him, but the best thing to
do is to
focus on your
marriage.
I do,
however, encourage couples to have other couple friends and
both partners to have friends (not
lovers) of the opposite sex - generally this is very
healthy for your relationship. Even some
harmless flirting is fine as it
brings excitement in your life, makes you feel better about yourself, and brings you closer to your partner, but when you are trying to repair a broken relationship it is best to focus on one person at a time.
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