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So when Eddie tells me that just after two and a half years he is having some
major issues with his marriage, I can imagine where this relationship is going. He says, "I think there is no hope. I don't think my
wife is attracted to me at all. I have tried everything that you have suggested in your articles and more. I am slowly but surely going completely and utterly insane."
Why do women lose interest in their men?
Despite the world changing completely in last 50 years or so, women have not changed their perceptions of marriage and
husband. Vast majority of women are still stuck in that dream world where the Prince Charming comes, sweeps you off your feet, and carries you to this land where there is nothing but
eternal happiness (he is always romantic,
money is not an issue, and every day is a beautiful day). In fact, this misconception often leads many women to
push a man for commitment and marriage, even when he may have doubts. No wonder that when a woman pushes too hard, men just give in, get married, and he realizes that she was not what he thought he could live with and she realizes that marriage did not change anything at all and
in fact made a few things worse.
It is at this point that
women lose interest in their man. He has not turned out to be the Dream Boy that they thought he was. As reality sinks in, either the woman starts to think of
getting a divorce,
having an affair, or
simply
sinks into depression. The result: Misery for everyone involved.
How to save your marriage and bring back the spark in the marriage at this point?
When things are this bad,
therapy or counseling does not work. What the couple needs is a
honest and open discussion to find out if the marriage can be saved. Here are few simple steps to find out if the marriage has a future:
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Tell your wife that you think that their marriage is practically over but you still want to give it one final chance to see if you can make it work.
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Ask her about her wish list (without any restrictions at all) of
what will make her happy and bring back the joy in the marriage.
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Add a few wishes of yours to the list, if any.
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Now start to evaluate what is realistic and what is not.
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When you come up with a list of stuff that is realistic and doable in a reasonable period of time, ask her if that will work for her.
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If her answer is yes, then agree on the next steps, who does what, what happens if things don't turn out as planned, and agree on a timeline.
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If her answer is no, then suggest a
divorce so that you can both move on. The longer you drag on in the hope that things will get better, the worse it will get.
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