How to take a break from my relationship?

I do not want to end it but I want out for a while

Laurie started to date a single dad who had the sole custody of two kids. It was the best relationship that she had ever had even though he was 12 years older than her. While she gave up her family to be with him, he never introduced her to his children and family. She writes, "He has recently been ignoring me and acts as if he does not want me around. When I threatened to breakup, he acted as if this was not something that would hurt him and he made no effort to apologize to him or ask me to stay. I was shocked because we had such a great relationship for more than a year. Granted that he is currently unemployed and was recently fined a lot of money for driving his kids without booster seats. Due to financial problems, he is about to be evicted from his home and does not know where he will find a place to stay with such little kids. He's told me he's torn between me and his children. If we got a place together he would have to introduce me to his kids and his daughter will not like it. His son is too young. She doesn't want her dad seeing anyone. Of course she's young and he's her dad but he's afraid she will shun him. I tried to talk it out with him and I'm lost on what to do. Yes he is going through a lot at the moment and I understand, but why treat me the way he does when all I'm trying to do is help. He won't bring me anywhere with him because he's afraid I will be seen with him and everyone would know. It upsets me every time. I'm trying my best to stand by him and help him as much as I can. I even offered him some money. If he can't be with some one because his children don't like it I am going to have to leave. What else can I do? I wish he had told me this when we were starting out because I went through hell to have a relationship with him and if I end this relationship, not only will I lose the love of my life, I will end up being ridiculed by everyone. Is there any hope for me?"

I can understand that with the mess that he is in, the last thing on his mind is a relationship. Not having a job can completely wipe out a man's self esteem and when he is worried about putting food on the table for his kids, I can imagine how even the thought of intimacy or relationship can be a challenge.

At what point to introduce you to his children is a very delicate matter for all single parents. My understanding is that the best time to introduce is when you are very positive that the partner is not just a casual friend but a potential spouse. As you can appreciate, kids are so sensitive and can be completely destabilized by people in and out of their lives. Obviously, an introduction means some initial challenges but eventually they learn to get along but it means a lot more work for you compared to dating a single man.

My overall assessment is that he is so fed up with the circumstances right now, that he might even think that a breakup is the best thing for him. It does not necessarily mean that he does not love you, but when people get overwhelmed they often try to simplify their lives by getting rid of whatever they can and since he cannot get rid of his kids, he thinks that by breaking up with you, he will at least be able to get rid of one "problem."

I know what you have gone through to be in this relationship and it is unfortunate that now it might have come to an end. A lot of people who did not want you to do this will come up with "I told you so" comments but you will need to be brave and strong, the way you were in the past. Life is all about falling down, getting up, and moving on. You wouldn't go anywhere if you were not willing to take risks, even when failure is guaranteed because everything teaches us a lesson. So tell these people to simply back off because you followed your heart and have no regrets. This could have happened with any man, even the man that your friends and family would have approved of.

Do not breakup with your boyfriend, though. Tell him that you understand what he is going through and it is best that you two take a break from each other while he sorts out his problems and will have more time to deal with his relationship after that. Tell him that you can see where things are in 6 months. In the meantime, just give yourself some breathing time by not dating and focusing on yourself. I have found that a little shopping or a short vacation or just hanging out with girlfriends always helps.

I am heartbroken after breaking up How to forget the pain from breakup Should I go back to my boyfriend who dumped me