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Therapy for couples
It is best
when couples make the best use of their
therapist
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Howard
is having
problems in his marriage. The
communication between them has
reached a point that they are
literally leading two independent
lives living under one roof. It also
appears that she decided to see a
therapist on her own and after one
session the therapist wants her to
bring Howard too, but he is skeptical.
Howard
writes, "I have read a lot about how
most couples therapy doesn't really
keep couples together. Most therapists
are trained not to work on making
couples better, actually, you can't do
that. You can only let the individual
find what it is in themselves that
they may not have been able to see. I
don't think I want to go to this guy.
She's the client, I'm the husband. She
will be the victim, the doctor already
has her side, and will view her
differently than if we both went in
together. I believe what will surface
from these sessions with the therapist
is that I wasn't the guy for her and,
while I finally got the strength to
face these words last year, early this
year, the separate lives we have lived
turned a lot of my tears to anger. I
am not strong enough right now to hear
those words. I may know that I was
never the one to complete her, but I
can't hear that from another person's
lips right now. What should I do?" |
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I
would say go with an
open/positive mind to the
therapist. Most therapists would
try to do what is best for both
of you - that is the
ethical/professional thing to
do. Even if she went there
first, a therapist is not an
attorney who only works for his
client. A therapist is expected
to work for both partners when a
marital issue is involved. And
if he says that this marriage is
not working, it is not because
she went there first or he
sympathizes with her - it could
just be that in his expert
opinion that is what is really
happening.
You
also resent the fact that she
decided to get therapy for
herself. If therapy improves her
situation, I would still say
that you must support her rather
than treat this step by her as
deception. And, if the sad
outcome of that therapy is that
she decides to leave, it is best
that way, because there is also
another distinct possibility
that she will realize that she
has not done the right things in
her marriage and she needs to
change. |
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I
am actually excited by the fact that
you might see the therapist as a
couple. I think the
lines of communication between the
two of you have broken and unless you
guys "talk"
it is only going to get worse. I am
hopeful that you two might realize
that you can make things better by
solving your individual problems and
your problems as a couple. If that
is not the final outcome, that is fine
as well. I would say that you seem
more miserable in the marriage than
without it. Clearly this
marriage is not giving you the joy
that you both should be getting. Yes,
it makes sense to work on it the best
you can, but there comes a time when
you are
better off without it. And if
therapy helps you both figure that
out, give your best shot to it. |
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Related articles:
How to find a life coach?
Guide to good relationships
Relationship success secrets for men
Healthy relationships
Putting magic in a relationship
Stronger marriage
Tips for marriage |
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