Seduction of a man: Married woman wants a discreet affair
We helped Michelle seduce a man of her dreams, who just happened to be younger than her. We documented the case and here it is.
Advice to Michelle
Michelle, a 40-year-old female in Connecticut, writes, "Although I am currently married, my marriage is over. My husband has made it clear to me that he is only here for the sake of the kids. I found out recently that he was unfaithful to me. Since then, I am focusing on my needs and wants and I met a much younger man whom I am very attracted to. Here is my dilemma. I think he may also be attracted to me but is hesitant to approach me because he thinks I am happily married. I want to approach him but I am afraid to, just in case my perceptions are wrong and he is not interested because of my age or marital status. Also, this has to be done discreetly so no one else knows. What is a good way to approach him without embarrassing either of us just in case he is not interested? I would like to talk to him in person, but there is always someone around when I see him. I have his cell number and have considered calling him. Any suggestions?" (Related link: Older women dating younger men)
Your situation is a rather simple one and you can solve it relatively easily. What we are talking about here is simple seduction of a hopefully willing man. Here is what you and all other women need to know: Men are very afraid of rejection because statistically speaking men get rejected so often and women often play hard-to-get. While a small number of men keep trying and eventually succeed, there are a large number of men who simply give up or just wait for a matchmaker to facilitate the match. In all such cases, I advise women to take control of the situation and make the first move themselves and plan each step of the seduction. In your situation, you will have to definitely take the initiative because most men will not perceive you as relationship material, as you very rightly said in your email.
This is what you need to do to take the first step for his seduction. Pick up the phone and call him (either you should turn the caller ID feature off on your phone so that he cannot find out who called or you should leave him a message that you would call him back but not to call you) and try to schedule a meeting (not a date) over a cup of coffee or a drink (something that is casual enough not to sound like a date). You have not indicated what he does but I am sure that you can always find an excuse to talk about something. For example, if he is an architect, tell him that you want to make some changes in your home and would like to speak to him if he can help with some ideas. There are several advantages to this approach. It will avoid the embarrassment to both of you if you have misread the signals. It is unlikely that anyone would deny an invitation for a casual meeting, particularly to discuss whatever his expertise is. Finally, if he is smart enough, he will also get a hint of what you might be after, but that is all you need to do: give him a hint at this stage but leave him confused as well.
When you do meet him, you will have to again take the lead in communicating to him that you are interested in something beyond a cup of coffee. While it is a good idea to at least touch upon the topic that you wanted to discuss, you will also need to flirt with him by giving him stronger hints and reading his responses. Not everyone is an expert at flirting and considering that you have been married for a while, it is not a bad idea to refine your flirting skills a bit.
Thank him profusely after the coffee and leave the door open for a follow-up contact. Continuing on the theme of consulting an architect, you must tell him that you will think about whatever you discussed and then get back to him. If everything goes well, you will be ready to seduce him.
Finally, if this man does not work out for you, there are other alternatives. I particularly like the "intimate encounters" type services offered by many online dating websites to be the best. Most of the members in the database are pretty decent, more or less in situation like yours.
_________________________
Response from Michelle
"Thanks for your advice. I will give it a try. I am very nervous about contacting him because I don't want to be embarrassed if the feelings aren't mutual. There is such a big age difference that he may think I am crazy for thinking he is attracted to me. But I must take the plunge since at this point, this is all I can think about and I need to know either way how he feels."
____________________________________
Words of encouragement
"I am glad that you have gathered the courage to do it. I am receiving so many emails these days from women who are happily in relationships with men who are much younger to them. The way I look at is that you never know what might happen but you have got to try. Nothing happens until you try.
And also think of it this way. Would you not be embarrassed if this guy was your age or older? You would, because we all do when we find that we have been somewhat 'rejected' or the attraction was not mutual. But we all try and if we fail, we move on." So good luck and let me know how it turns out.
____________________________
Update from Michelle
"Well, I set up a meeting. I thought of something that he could help me with and called him. The first time I talked to him about it, many people were around so I couldn't give him an idea that I was interested. Anyway, I have to meet him tomorrow night to pick something up and hopefully I can generate some sparks. Based on our phone conversation, he has no inkling of why I really wanted to talk to him. He is only in his early twenties and I am forty. Am I crazy? The other thing that I really worry about too is that if he isn't interested, and he spreads the word that I tried to hit on him, I will look like a total fool among mutual people we know and cause embarrassment to my son, who is 16. The ladies my age would think I was a floozy too. And remember, I am still married, only in the technical sense though (trying to get through that too, I really would like my husband to leave). I am nervous, but I will have to see what tomorrow brings."
____________________________
Advice from Pierre
"Don't think that this one meeting would do. Particularly because you first have to test if the attraction is mutual. What you really want to do tonight is to give him an indication that you are attracted to him and tempt him to you. The best way to make it happen is that you should not come across as a mature, experienced, desperate woman who trapped a kid. What men really like is when they feel like a hunter and claim the prize. So let him feel that way. In that case, his mouth will always be shut because it was a battle that he picked and won. You can simply pretend that you were charmed by him when he approached you. Having said that, you need to dress in a way that he is drawn at you. Give him that mischievous smile. Praise him and give him enough hints. And then let it happen. If he doesn't get it the first time, as I suggested last time, keep the door open for another encounter like this one. He should hopefully get it the second time. In the meantime, just relax, be yourself, and from what I can see, if the desire inside you is so strong, you wouldn't have to force yourself to do a thing. Your eyes would do the talking."
_________________________________
Update from Michelle
"I did it. I think he knew what I was after because even if I did not say anything explicitly, I am positive that my eyes really told him what I wanted. We made out in my car and have made plans to have a secret rendezvous next week. Thanks for your advice."
Advice to Michelle
Michelle, a 40-year-old female in Connecticut, writes, "Although I am currently married, my marriage is over. My husband has made it clear to me that he is only here for the sake of the kids. I found out recently that he was unfaithful to me. Since then, I am focusing on my needs and wants and I met a much younger man whom I am very attracted to. Here is my dilemma. I think he may also be attracted to me but is hesitant to approach me because he thinks I am happily married. I want to approach him but I am afraid to, just in case my perceptions are wrong and he is not interested because of my age or marital status. Also, this has to be done discreetly so no one else knows. What is a good way to approach him without embarrassing either of us just in case he is not interested? I would like to talk to him in person, but there is always someone around when I see him. I have his cell number and have considered calling him. Any suggestions?" (Related link: Older women dating younger men)
Your situation is a rather simple one and you can solve it relatively easily. What we are talking about here is simple seduction of a hopefully willing man. Here is what you and all other women need to know: Men are very afraid of rejection because statistically speaking men get rejected so often and women often play hard-to-get. While a small number of men keep trying and eventually succeed, there are a large number of men who simply give up or just wait for a matchmaker to facilitate the match. In all such cases, I advise women to take control of the situation and make the first move themselves and plan each step of the seduction. In your situation, you will have to definitely take the initiative because most men will not perceive you as relationship material, as you very rightly said in your email.
This is what you need to do to take the first step for his seduction. Pick up the phone and call him (either you should turn the caller ID feature off on your phone so that he cannot find out who called or you should leave him a message that you would call him back but not to call you) and try to schedule a meeting (not a date) over a cup of coffee or a drink (something that is casual enough not to sound like a date). You have not indicated what he does but I am sure that you can always find an excuse to talk about something. For example, if he is an architect, tell him that you want to make some changes in your home and would like to speak to him if he can help with some ideas. There are several advantages to this approach. It will avoid the embarrassment to both of you if you have misread the signals. It is unlikely that anyone would deny an invitation for a casual meeting, particularly to discuss whatever his expertise is. Finally, if he is smart enough, he will also get a hint of what you might be after, but that is all you need to do: give him a hint at this stage but leave him confused as well.
When you do meet him, you will have to again take the lead in communicating to him that you are interested in something beyond a cup of coffee. While it is a good idea to at least touch upon the topic that you wanted to discuss, you will also need to flirt with him by giving him stronger hints and reading his responses. Not everyone is an expert at flirting and considering that you have been married for a while, it is not a bad idea to refine your flirting skills a bit.
Thank him profusely after the coffee and leave the door open for a follow-up contact. Continuing on the theme of consulting an architect, you must tell him that you will think about whatever you discussed and then get back to him. If everything goes well, you will be ready to seduce him.
Finally, if this man does not work out for you, there are other alternatives. I particularly like the "intimate encounters" type services offered by many online dating websites to be the best. Most of the members in the database are pretty decent, more or less in situation like yours.
_________________________
Response from Michelle
"Thanks for your advice. I will give it a try. I am very nervous about contacting him because I don't want to be embarrassed if the feelings aren't mutual. There is such a big age difference that he may think I am crazy for thinking he is attracted to me. But I must take the plunge since at this point, this is all I can think about and I need to know either way how he feels."
____________________________________
Words of encouragement
"I am glad that you have gathered the courage to do it. I am receiving so many emails these days from women who are happily in relationships with men who are much younger to them. The way I look at is that you never know what might happen but you have got to try. Nothing happens until you try.
And also think of it this way. Would you not be embarrassed if this guy was your age or older? You would, because we all do when we find that we have been somewhat 'rejected' or the attraction was not mutual. But we all try and if we fail, we move on." So good luck and let me know how it turns out.
____________________________
Update from Michelle
"Well, I set up a meeting. I thought of something that he could help me with and called him. The first time I talked to him about it, many people were around so I couldn't give him an idea that I was interested. Anyway, I have to meet him tomorrow night to pick something up and hopefully I can generate some sparks. Based on our phone conversation, he has no inkling of why I really wanted to talk to him. He is only in his early twenties and I am forty. Am I crazy? The other thing that I really worry about too is that if he isn't interested, and he spreads the word that I tried to hit on him, I will look like a total fool among mutual people we know and cause embarrassment to my son, who is 16. The ladies my age would think I was a floozy too. And remember, I am still married, only in the technical sense though (trying to get through that too, I really would like my husband to leave). I am nervous, but I will have to see what tomorrow brings."
____________________________
Advice from Pierre
"Don't think that this one meeting would do. Particularly because you first have to test if the attraction is mutual. What you really want to do tonight is to give him an indication that you are attracted to him and tempt him to you. The best way to make it happen is that you should not come across as a mature, experienced, desperate woman who trapped a kid. What men really like is when they feel like a hunter and claim the prize. So let him feel that way. In that case, his mouth will always be shut because it was a battle that he picked and won. You can simply pretend that you were charmed by him when he approached you. Having said that, you need to dress in a way that he is drawn at you. Give him that mischievous smile. Praise him and give him enough hints. And then let it happen. If he doesn't get it the first time, as I suggested last time, keep the door open for another encounter like this one. He should hopefully get it the second time. In the meantime, just relax, be yourself, and from what I can see, if the desire inside you is so strong, you wouldn't have to force yourself to do a thing. Your eyes would do the talking."
_________________________________
Update from Michelle
"I did it. I think he knew what I was after because even if I did not say anything explicitly, I am positive that my eyes really told him what I wanted. We made out in my car and have made plans to have a secret rendezvous next week. Thanks for your advice."
posted by eCreativa Media | 10:07 AM
<< Home