What women want: Men have to find out

The movie "What women want" is a very funny way to look at a rather serious issue. If men could have the same skills as Mel Gibson, there would probably be no divorces or fights among couples. But that is all fantasy. The truth is that both the man and the woman in a relationship need to know what the other wants. Unfortunately, 90% of the couples do not have relationships such that they can talk literally "anything" (though such couples exist and we have met them; and by the way, they are excellent couples).

What happens when a man does not know what a woman wants?

• In almost all cases, the woman is very frustrated. And so is the man. But they never tell that to each other.
• They keep imagining things, draw wrong conclusions, suspect each other, and just argue more often because they just don't understand what each other wants.
• Their physical intimacy is terrible. She never or rarely tells him what she wants and he assumes that she either doesn't want anything or just likes what he likes. What happens? She is dissatisfied and frustrated.

What can a man do to find out what a woman wants?

• Ask, ask, and keep asking till you get it. It will require patience and there will be frustrating moments but keep probing till you know everything that you need to know. You will also need to ask directly, indirectly, and sometimes even from other people who know her.
• Request feedback. Do not use closed-ended question. So instead of asking "Do you like this dish?", talk instead of what she grew up eating, how did she learn to cook, how does she pick ingredients for cooking, etc. You get the point. Then think about all that you heard and make sense out of it. Once you draw a conclusion, do not think of it as the final answer. Keep validating. So if you conclude that she likes pasta with eggplant and marinara sauce, watch carefully if she ever cooks it or orders it in a restaurant. If no, then you need to go back and keep doing your research.
• Watch what else she does. A lot can be learnt about a person's personality by studying what she reads, her favorite TV programs/bands, who her friends, and what her hobbies are.
• Finally, talk about yourself. Share your secrets with her and confide things in her that you will not confide in anyone else. This will send a message to her that you feel very close to her and she will then be motivated to reciprocate.

Suggested reading: Improving communication among couples

Things women want from their husbands

How to please women orally