Dating younger women: Ethical?

Dating someone younger is not always easy even when the attraction is intense and mutual. A lot of people hesitate to do this for one simple reason: it is not common. And that is perfectly natural. We always need time to adjust to social change. While traditionally older men have not had a very difficult time dating younger women, we have now reached a point where women in large numbers are doing it too. We hear every week from many happy couples with significant age differences, but we also hear from those who want to do it but feel hesitant.

Here is what soon-to-be 45-year old John writes, "I recently befriended a 25-year old woman. I have never married and have no children. Also, I am nice looking and in good shape. Yet for some reason, my conscience bothers me about asking her out. I feel like I am robbing her of her youth by asking her to date me. I believe her father is only 48 and her mother is 47. I think to myself, How can I ask her out when the ages of her parents are same as mine? Plus, I make average income and do not have more than an average future for her. Please convince me of the reasons why I should date her.

Let us look at the basics of dating. What questions will a man ask before asking any woman out on a date (and for the time being, let us limit ourselves to just dating because John is jumping several steps ahead, which is very noble of him, but let us take one step at a time)?

1. Do I like her?
2. Does she like me?
3. Shall we enjoy each other's company?

If the answer to all three questions is yes, there is absolutely no reason to worry about anything else at this stage. So go ahead and ask her out. If she has a problem with your age at this point, she will politely decline. Chapter closed.

Now comes the part of entering into a marriage). Since she is old enough to figure out for herself what she wants, you do not have to think for her at this point. It is very kind of you to worry about her future, but the best way to deal with it is to be straightforward about it and not hide anything from her. She will not only appreciate your candidness, it will also help her make up her mind. Does she want a steady relationship with you or not because of your age and/or income? Let her make that decision herself and she will do that based on how much she likes you, what she expects from the relationship, and how much of an issue age gap and income are for her?

My recommendation, therefore, is that you should ask her out like a gentleman. Tell her how you feel and while you realize that you have an age gap that is rather big, you would love to go on a date with her. If she agrees then let the two adults decide for themselves over time what they want. If she declines a date, then you can continue to be her friend.

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