My Italian woman

Jean is a French man now living in Los Angeles on an assignment. He is in his early 30's. Years ago in Italy he met an Italian girl. They went out for a while and started a relationship. She loved France and seemed to be interested in having a French boyfriend. Well he liked Italian girls too and had often eaten at Italian restaurants and vacationed in Italy. They fell in love, and started to live together.

While they explored each other's cultures, learned to cook together, started practicing the two languages, they also learned to resolve their differences without any bitterness. He says, "Sometimes we had misunderstandings due to different cultures and also personalities, but our private life was so good, that we did not think much about our little problems - she just could not get enough from me. After a while she started to speak about marriage. I enjoyed that life, but she felt unsure about her future. I asked her to wait, but when she lost her job in France and could not support herself, I decided to marry her. Her parents could not come to the wedding, but her mother arranged everything for her and we got married in a simple Italian style wedding. Maybe her mother wanted this marriage more than her. Anyway, after the marriage our life has changed. She now tells me that she does not like intimacy at all. She says that at the beginning of our relationship, she faked great passion for intimacy just to conquer me. But the most interesting thing is that she understands that I am young and still want to enjoy physical intimacy, so she advised me to find a lover/friend, just for physical intimacy. She told me that she will not be jealous and she does not care about it. Is this kind of behavior common among Italian women? Doesn't it sound a bit strange? I've heard many stories about couples sleeping in separate rooms even when they are only in their 40s which I find totally ridiculous. I know some Italian men can be very macho and do have mistresses, but I do not know how to deal with this situation. I am wondering if it would not be better to first separate and then find another partner? I am otherwise very happy with my wife; the only problem is the private life. Should I try to change her or just find another partner and move on?"

We think that you married your wife for all the wrong reasons. You admit that were it not for her financial problems, you would not have married her as early as you did. If you had spent more time with her you would have realized that what you thought was great physical intimacy was actually nothing but a show so that she could pursue her dream of marrying you.

We would not recommend that you have a partner for the sole purpose of physical intimacy though you might meet some of the requirements that we have laid out so that adultery is acceptable in some cases. You might want to do that test yourself. But since this is a long-term problem, the question is, where will you find such a person? How long will she do this for you? How can you be sure that jealousy will not appear later?

Our recommendation is that you should both first meet with a therapist who can provide you with proper advice. Many of these cases can be easily solved by appropriate medical treatment. If she is unwilling to receive medical advice or if it does not work, you should seriously consider divorce with this lady. Research shows that many housewives are bored in their relationships. She used you for her selfish purpose and you should not allow her to destroy your life. It is not uncommon for many women to find a husband for the sole purpose of getting married. It is much better to start all over again. We understand why you are otherwise satisfied with her as your wife but physical intimacy provides the foundation for marriage and it is not a good idea for you to be seeking that elsewhere.

Related article: Tips and ideas for men to attract a reluctant woman