Does your spouse know?

There are occasions when one is forced to do things without telling one's spouse. Sometimes it is something as small as buying a toy for your child without telling his father because he thinks that toys are a waste of money but on other occasions it could be a full-fledged affair amounting to Communication tips for couples)

A wonderful movie in this context is "Shall We Dance?" (Japanese, but with sub-titles in English). Most Japanese movies never make it to America but this is one of those very few that did and there is a Hollywood version being made with Jennifer Lopez and Richard Gere. Shohei Sugiyama is a typical forty-two year old Japanese businessman (or a salaryman, as they are called in Japan) who is going through a classic mid-life crisis (Related article: How to deal with mid-life crisis?). Without telling his wife, he joins dancing classes and even ends up participating in a major competition. She eventually does find out and it all ends with a happy note, but the big lesson is that when we face resistance or lack of understanding from our partner (but feel so strongly about something, particularly while going through a mid-life crisis), we tend to hide the facts from our partner. Good or bad; depends on who you ask?

Here is some advice for couples:

1. Give your spouse some freedom and space. Let him/her do some things, no questions asked, even if it is against your values.
2. Mid-life crisis is tough. Be supportive rather than abandoning your partner.
3. Be open-minded. Just because your partner wants something that you think is 'bad', don't close your mind to the possibilities. Who knows that both of you can work out some kind of a compromise so that it is 'good' for both of you!

Recommended article: Effect of mid-life crisis on relationships