The movie "What women want" is a very funny way to look at a rather serious issue. If men could have the same skills as Mel Gibson, there would probably be no divorces or fights among couples. But that is all fantasy. The truth is that both the man and the woman in a relationship need to know what the other wants. Unfortunately, 90% of the couples do not have relationships such that they can talk literally "anything" (though such couples exist and we have met them; and by the way, they are excellent couples).

What happens when a man does not know what a woman wants?

• In almost all cases, the woman is very frustrated. And so is the man. But they never tell that to each other.
• They keep imagining things, draw wrong conclusions, suspect each other, and just argue more often because they just don't understand what each other wants.
• Their physical intimacy is terrible. She never or rarely tells him what she wants and he assumes that she either doesn't want anything or just likes what he likes. What happens? She is dissatisfied and frustrated.

What can a man do to find out what a woman wants?

• Ask, ask, and keep asking till you get it. It will require patience and there will be frustrating moments but keep probing till you know everything that you need to know. You will also need to ask directly, indirectly, and sometimes even from other people who know her.
• Request feedback. Do not use closed-ended question. So instead of asking "Do you like this dish?", talk instead of what she grew up eating, how did she learn to cook, how does she pick ingredients for cooking, etc. You get the point. Then think about all that you heard and make sense out of it. Once you draw a conclusion, do not think of it as the final answer. Keep validating. So if you conclude that she likes pasta with eggplant and marinara sauce, watch carefully if she ever cooks it or orders it in a restaurant. If no, then you need to go back and keep doing your research.
• Watch what else she does. A lot can be learnt about a person's personality by studying what she reads, her favorite TV programs/bands, who her friends, and what her hobbies are.
• Finally, talk about yourself. Share your secrets with her and confide things in her that you will not confide in anyone else. This will send a message to her that you feel very close to her and she will then be motivated to reciprocate.

Suggested reading: Improving communication among couples

Things women want from their husbands

How to please women orally

Our research is showing that there are innumerable times when a woman simply says "YES" even when what she really wants to say is "NO" to physical intimacy. Why is that? Here are some of the reasons that we heard in our survey:

1. It is my duty.
2. I want to make him happy, no matter what.
3. If I don't give it to him, he will go elsewhere.
4. I am not in the mood right now, but maybe I will get into it as we go along.
5. There are times that I will not be in the mood or vice-versa. So just lie down and let him be happy.

All of these are very noble thoughts and what we find is that men also do the same, though less often than women.

What should women do about deciding when to be physically intimate?

If both partners always wait for the perfect time for both, it is not a good idea. However, it is also not a good idea to literally force yourself to have physical intimacy even though you really don't want it. So learn to say NO. It is very unlikely that your partner will force it on you.

How can men understand when to listen to a NO that is never said in words?

Talking to your partner and developing a perfect understanding on the subject of physical intimacy is probably difficult for most couples. However, men also do a rather poor job of reading their partner's minds. Don't just take her politeness for a YES. Probe a little deeper to make sure that what you feel is also felt by her. If you are ready, are you sure that she is ready too? Ask her, read her body language.

There will be situations like #4 above and that is when you really need to do a better job of charming and seducing her. Have you dressed right for the night? (Yes, women are increasingly demanding that men also dress appropriately in the bedroom) Are you creating the right mood for her by avoiding topics like work, money, kids, etc. And instead focusing on her and your relationship? How about a light massage? How about saying sweet nothings into her ears? How about reliving memories of your relationship? How about just telling her what she means to you? Our research shows that this works.

Related articles: How to make a relationship work?

How to spice up things in the bedroom

Bedroom tricks for couples

How to please men

Role play for couples

Tony has a little problem. He was trying to pick up a fine-looking waitress at a night club. He writes, "She seemed nice to me but after a friendly small talk, I asked her if she would have coffee with me after her shift, and then she told me about her boyfriend. Should I have persisted ? If a girl says to you that she has a boyfriend, does she mean it, or is it just a way to repel a potentially crazy stranger?"

Well, the first thing to know is that she may be absolutely truthful and you have to give her the benefit of doubt.

Having said that, it is also important to note that when a woman does not want to bothered (or wants to play hard-to-get or is not attracted to you), it is an excuse that is the easiest one to make and almost always works. Waitresses get hit on every single day and most bars and restaurants do not allow flirting with customers. So they have to come up with polite excuses that work for everyone. But none of this means that women don't dump their boyfriends or husbands for more desirable men.

If a woman puts you off, particularly when she is casually dating someone and is not in a committed relationship, often times it's because she's not yet attracted enough to you to give you a chance. She's only going to jump at opportunities that she deems are beneficial to her. Meaning, even if she has a boyfriend (or a committed partner or husband), if she wants you badly enough, she'll go after you. On the other hand, if you haven't proven yourself as a desirable commodity, she won't initially be interested.

What can you do to make a woman attracted to you?

This is assuming that she is in fact single or can be coaxed into becoming single because you are the hottest guy on the planet (but you must back off if you realize that she is in fact not single or not willing to dump him even if you are the opportunity of a lifetime). What you have to do is to really make sure she knows that you are not just another one of the umpteen billion guys who hit on her every day but is seriously attracted to her.

Think about it: She gets guys hitting on her ALL the time. How will she know who to go out with and who to ignore? What you have to do is to give enough reasons to dump her existing boyfriend and go out with you. This is not always easy because you now have strong competition. Here are a few things to try to attract a woman:

• Be persistent, without being a pest or a stalker. Keep showing your interest in her to demonstrate that you are genuinely interested in her. All women appreciate guys who admire them and want to have them.
• Charm your way into her heart. If for any reason she is not interested in dating you, you might be able to break down those barriers by touching her soul. Make her think of you when she is alone. That is when she will smile back at you some day and say 'yes' for your proposal to have coffee with her.
• Be creative. It is hard for us to tell you exactly what you can do without more details, but do something out of the ordinary that will make her realize that you are different and worth dumping someone or entering into a new relationship.

Suggested reading: How to attract a woman?

How to attract a woman already in a relationship

Rachel in Encino, California writes, "Several friends of mine have indicated that Japanese lingerie is among the best in the world. I have heard that their designs are a fusion of European and Asian designs. While being a petite Caucasian, I might be able to find something that fits me but I am a bit skeptical. Where can I buy and what lingerie item would you recommend?"

Indeed it is true that the Japanese women have a different perspective than us here in America. We give more priority to comfort. On the other hand Japanese women would not mind being uncomfortable but would still wear something that is pretty and cute. (Related article: Japanese women's fascination with lingerie)

Believe it or not, Wacoal is a Japanese brand but while their designs sold in the United States are inspired by what they sell in Japan, the product lines are still quite different. What most lingerie companies have figured out is that the demand for European and Japanese style lingerie in America is somewhat limited. That is why you will find only one or two European lingerie boutiques in major metropolitan areas though we are not aware if there is a good Japanese lingerie boutique in America.

So how can you shop for Japanese lingerie?

Well, of course, you can go to Japan to buy it. Tokyo and Osaka have some excellent lingerie stores attached to department stores as well as independent boutiques.

For those who cannot make a trip to Japan, it is best to select the designs that are closest to Japanese designs or are inspired by Japanese designs.

Related articles: Japanese and American women have different styles

Patty from Virginia writes, "I am a single parent who has been dating a man 5 years younger for over a year (Related link: Older women dating younger men). After the initial shock at the beginning of our relationship, everything has been wonderful. I don't think I could ever find someone more compatible for me. The problem I'm having recently is with my daughter. She is extremely jealous of our relationship and makes great effort to cause us discomfort. At times it can be a struggle just to hold hands. It is very difficult for her because we've been alone most of her life. She doesn't really remember a time that she had to share me with another human being. We have made small amounts of progress with helping her to understand but I'm just afraid that he is going to give up before we reach the ultimate goal. I don't have a large support system and I have a large amount of responsibilities which allows us very little time alone. His responsibilities, on the other hand, are very limited at this time. This is also a problem because he lacks the element of understanding in the area of responsibility burdens. Our communication is very good and we've discussed all of this in depth but we are at a loss for what to do to give us that extra boost that we're needing. I don't want to lose this relationship; it means too much to me and I know that we can make it work. Our love is strong and has withstood a lot already. I would love to hear any advice that you may have to help us through this difficult time."

Let us first break your problem into its components:

1. A child who has never known what it is to share a parent with another "parent" and thus sees your boyfriend as a competitor for your love (Related article: Divorce can destroy families)
2. A boyfriend who is simply rattled by this situation and does not yet fully appreciate what it takes to raise a child particularly when it is grown up enough to fight for her "rights" (whatever she deems them to be)
3. In the midst of this, you need to be there for your daughter as you have always been, but at the same time rescue your relationship

How to make a child appreciate the presence of another 'parent'?

Your daughter's behavior is not unusual since she has always believed that she was the only one who had a right to be with you. This behavior is very common among children raised in single parent households in which the parent gives more than s/he would if the other parent were around. Such children not only do not appreciate marital relationships they themselves have more problems in their relationships when they grow up. There are a couple of things that you and your boyfriend need to do:

• He has to assume the role of a 'parent' even if he has to just learn it sooner than he would have liked to. He has to be the one to break the wall between him and your daughter so that they can establish an amiable relationship
• You need to educate your daughter about the importance of the relationship for both you and her. Indirectly, you should expose her to other families with two parents and how you should also be like them some day and how she should be like other kids
• Send her to a therapist
• Enroll her in activities that she she should do on her own (e.g. sports or arts or other activities that people in her age group do)
• While it sounds less romantic, but you will need to bring her along on some "dates" turning them into "family fun" rather than quiet, romantic time with your loved one. Hopefully, you will not need to do this forever

How to make your boyfriend appreciate the challenges?

It is evident that he has done a great job so far in being patient with you and your daughter. He also does not seem to mind that you are older and have a child. I will not expect him to run away at this stage. You are doing the right things by communicating with him and asking for his patience. If he can try to become your daughter's friend, she will learn to accept him and that is what he needs to do. Right now she sees him as a competitor rather than someone who will give her as much love as you do, or in other words, she needs to understand that she could get double the love by being friends with him. So let him have some private time with her, e.g., let him take her to the mall some day without you being present.

How can you balance everything?

First, don't lose hope. This happens to a lot of single parents. Many parents like you, because they feel guilty and want to give everything they can to their child, often end up giving a bit more than needed and also do not teach them what a normal family would learn on its own ("sharing"). You might need to be slightly firm with your daughter as well and not tolerate unreasonable behavior. She needs to know that you are a human being too and not just a slave to her wishes.

Suggested reading

Dating after divorce

Dating for divorced women

Lucy in New Jersey, writes, "I have dark spots (acne scarring) from pimples that have erupted and didn't heal right. I've had this problem for 12 years now, but I don't want to have surgery to remove these ugly scars. And another thing, that's probably why I can't get hired for a job, but I'm hoping you can find me something that will work effectively. My skin is sensitive to certain perfumes, fragrance sprays, and if my hair needs washing, I will break out too. My skin is sensitive and oily and dry most of the time, and my pores are so big and visible. Please help me!"

If your skin is fair or light olive color and you have only spots and not little holes, you can try to use microdermabrasion. These days anyone can do microdermabrasion treatment at home by buying a complete home kit. The one that we have found to be the most effective is Dermanew Microdermabrasion Best Results Kit.

In the case of microdermabrasion, you will require several treatments. You can see results in about 10 treatments. Do not expect perfect results but you will see noticeable improvement, with a relatively small investment.

You may also use a strong exfoliant, for example, BENEV Glycolic Exfoliating Gel 7.5%,with glycolic acid or retinol. Generally speaking, you cannot get enough strength in the exfoliants sold for use at home, so you will have to have peelings done at a spa or doctor's office.

If your skin is dark, we suggest that you consult a dermatologist because some products may cause decolorations on dark skin.

Apart from these treatments, you will also need to make other changes in your lifestyle so that the effect of treatments lasts and you do not damage your skin any further. Remember it is very important to use sunblock every day even in winter, because exposure to sun makes those scars darker, and therefore, more visible. Besides, sunblock is the closest thing we have to the fountain of youth. We are currently recommending SkinCeuticals Physical UV Defense SPF 30.

If you decide to go for a professional treatment, probably the doctor can use a carbon-dioxide laser. This treatment is very effective and if your skin only has spots, you will see considerable improvement with up to 90% of the area looking normal. With a couple of treatments you will see close to 100% correction. The doctor decides how many treatments are good for you. It is not a cheap treatment and can cost upto $4,000 depending where you have it done.

If the skin has really large scars with holes then the patient may also need fillers to even out the skin.

There are other new options for scars, and if you go to a doctor specialized in aesthetic treatments, he will present you with other options.

Related article: Skin whitening

We helped Michelle seduce a man of her dreams, who just happened to be younger than her. We documented the case and here it is.

Advice to Michelle

Michelle, a 40-year-old female in Connecticut, writes, "Although I am currently married, my marriage is over. My husband has made it clear to me that he is only here for the sake of the kids. I found out recently that he was unfaithful to me. Since then, I am focusing on my needs and wants and I met a much younger man whom I am very attracted to. Here is my dilemma. I think he may also be attracted to me but is hesitant to approach me because he thinks I am happily married. I want to approach him but I am afraid to, just in case my perceptions are wrong and he is not interested because of my age or marital status. Also, this has to be done discreetly so no one else knows. What is a good way to approach him without embarrassing either of us just in case he is not interested? I would like to talk to him in person, but there is always someone around when I see him. I have his cell number and have considered calling him. Any suggestions?" (Related link: Older women dating younger men)

Your situation is a rather simple one and you can solve it relatively easily. What we are talking about here is simple seduction of a hopefully willing man. Here is what you and all other women need to know: Men are very afraid of rejection because statistically speaking men get rejected so often and women often play hard-to-get. While a small number of men keep trying and eventually succeed, there are a large number of men who simply give up or just wait for a matchmaker to facilitate the match. In all such cases, I advise women to take control of the situation and make the first move themselves and plan each step of the seduction. In your situation, you will have to definitely take the initiative because most men will not perceive you as relationship material, as you very rightly said in your email.

This is what you need to do to take the first step for his seduction. Pick up the phone and call him (either you should turn the caller ID feature off on your phone so that he cannot find out who called or you should leave him a message that you would call him back but not to call you) and try to schedule a meeting (not a date) over a cup of coffee or a drink (something that is casual enough not to sound like a date). You have not indicated what he does but I am sure that you can always find an excuse to talk about something. For example, if he is an architect, tell him that you want to make some changes in your home and would like to speak to him if he can help with some ideas. There are several advantages to this approach. It will avoid the embarrassment to both of you if you have misread the signals. It is unlikely that anyone would deny an invitation for a casual meeting, particularly to discuss whatever his expertise is. Finally, if he is smart enough, he will also get a hint of what you might be after, but that is all you need to do: give him a hint at this stage but leave him confused as well.

When you do meet him, you will have to again take the lead in communicating to him that you are interested in something beyond a cup of coffee. While it is a good idea to at least touch upon the topic that you wanted to discuss, you will also need to flirt with him by giving him stronger hints and reading his responses. Not everyone is an expert at flirting and considering that you have been married for a while, it is not a bad idea to refine your flirting skills a bit.

Thank him profusely after the coffee and leave the door open for a follow-up contact. Continuing on the theme of consulting an architect, you must tell him that you will think about whatever you discussed and then get back to him. If everything goes well, you will be ready to seduce him.

Finally, if this man does not work out for you, there are other alternatives. I particularly like the "intimate encounters" type services offered by many online dating websites to be the best. Most of the members in the database are pretty decent, more or less in situation like yours.
_________________________

Response from Michelle

"Thanks for your advice. I will give it a try. I am very nervous about contacting him because I don't want to be embarrassed if the feelings aren't mutual. There is such a big age difference that he may think I am crazy for thinking he is attracted to me. But I must take the plunge since at this point, this is all I can think about and I need to know either way how he feels."

____________________________________

Words of encouragement

"I am glad that you have gathered the courage to do it. I am receiving so many emails these days from women who are happily in relationships with men who are much younger to them. The way I look at is that you never know what might happen but you have got to try. Nothing happens until you try.

And also think of it this way. Would you not be embarrassed if this guy was your age or older? You would, because we all do when we find that we have been somewhat 'rejected' or the attraction was not mutual. But we all try and if we fail, we move on." So good luck and let me know how it turns out.

____________________________

Update from Michelle

"Well, I set up a meeting. I thought of something that he could help me with and called him. The first time I talked to him about it, many people were around so I couldn't give him an idea that I was interested. Anyway, I have to meet him tomorrow night to pick something up and hopefully I can generate some sparks. Based on our phone conversation, he has no inkling of why I really wanted to talk to him. He is only in his early twenties and I am forty. Am I crazy? The other thing that I really worry about too is that if he isn't interested, and he spreads the word that I tried to hit on him, I will look like a total fool among mutual people we know and cause embarrassment to my son, who is 16. The ladies my age would think I was a floozy too. And remember, I am still married, only in the technical sense though (trying to get through that too, I really would like my husband to leave). I am nervous, but I will have to see what tomorrow brings."

____________________________

Advice from Pierre

"Don't think that this one meeting would do. Particularly because you first have to test if the attraction is mutual. What you really want to do tonight is to give him an indication that you are attracted to him and tempt him to you. The best way to make it happen is that you should not come across as a mature, experienced, desperate woman who trapped a kid. What men really like is when they feel like a hunter and claim the prize. So let him feel that way. In that case, his mouth will always be shut because it was a battle that he picked and won. You can simply pretend that you were charmed by him when he approached you. Having said that, you need to dress in a way that he is drawn at you. Give him that mischievous smile. Praise him and give him enough hints. And then let it happen. If he doesn't get it the first time, as I suggested last time, keep the door open for another encounter like this one. He should hopefully get it the second time. In the meantime, just relax, be yourself, and from what I can see, if the desire inside you is so strong, you wouldn't have to force yourself to do a thing. Your eyes would do the talking."

_________________________________

Update from Michelle

"I did it. I think he knew what I was after because even if I did not say anything explicitly, I am positive that my eyes really told him what I wanted. We made out in my car and have made plans to have a secret rendezvous next week. Thanks for your advice."

Margaret in Cambridge, MA, writes, "I work as the public relations manager for a pharmaceutical firm. We have a casual dress policy on all five days and from what I know there are some guidelines on what is acceptable. Unfortunately there is nothing in the guidelines related to fishnet stockings, which have become rather popular in some parts of the US. I would like to wear them to work but am afraid that I might just tick off the HR folks and they will give me a hard time. What do you think?"

We think that the American workplace is dull when it comes to style and it is only getting worse. While it was perfectly fine to make the transition from uniforms and formal dresses to casual style, we do not support how we have forced women to dress almost like men. If you see how women dress at consulting/law firms, banks, and other Fortune 500 companies, you wouldn't notice the difference between men and women. We think women should be allowed to be women even at work, or in other words, they do not have to pretend that they are men. We think that women are equally competent and capable even when they are just being who they are. (Related article: Women's body image)

Having said that, we support that certain minimum standards should be followed at work. While we believe that a person's ability to do her or his job well is hardly affected by what she or he wears (though some people genuinely believe that their productivity goes up when they are comfortable), one's clothes in the workplace should not cause a public nuisance.

Applying this criteria, we do not think that fishnet stockings can cause a public nuisance at work, and therefore, you should have no problem wearing them at work. And anyone who claims otherwise is simply trying to find an excuse not to work. Unfortunately, our society tends to associate fishnet stockings (tights, pantyhose, etc.) with certain kinds of women but that does not mean that when a successful professional like you wears them, she is that type of woman. Here are a few additional trips to keep in mind while wearing fishnet stockings:

• Dress conservatively otherwise.
• Do not draw undue attention to yourself in any other way.
• Act normal, as you would on any other day at work.

Related articles

Makeover tips for women

Change your personal style

Lingerie for women

Style of an American idol

How to be fashionable

Jeanette in Manchester, New Hampshire, who is 19 year old, writes, "I have just started at Brown University and I am now realizing that I never took enough care of my body. I am not necessarily obese but I am not slim like most of the other students here. I have heard from some friends that wearing cinchers will make me look slimmer. What cincher do you recommend that I shop for? Do you have any tips on how to wear one so that I can look slim?"

While the perfect situation would be that you lose some weight to look naturally slim (Related link: Yo-yo dieting), let us limit this column to cinchers and how you can use them to looking slim. As you might already know, corsets and cinchers are very popular in many other countries, particularly in Latin America, where girls wear them during their teenage years to get more proportionate bodies. A high-quality cincher restricts your body and thus you do not grow in those area. It is also reported that cinchers also distributes fat to the top and lower parts of your torso making you look more attractive.

The cincher that we have found to the most effective is a satin and scalloped lace cincher that is not only a solution to make you look slimmer but is also very aesthetically pleasing. So you wouldn't feel that you are wearing something ugly inside. Here are a few other tips while deciding to wearing a cincher:

1. Wearing a cincher is not a substitute for losing weight and trying to reach the weight that is ideal for your body type.
2. You must still exercise regularly and eat healthy to get the desired weight and waist size.
3. Try to wear the cincher whenever you are active. You can take it off when you are relaxing. It is also not a good idea to sleep while wearing a cincher.
4. The cincher that we are recommending is made from high quality fabric and that is why you will need to wash it as you would your lingerie.

Recommended articles

Style makeover

Positive body image

How to look younger

Robert in Allentown, Pennsylvania, who celebrated his 30th birthday last week, writes, "I married my high school sweetheart but our marriage was a total failure. We decided to end it after just two years. For another two years, I literally did not date and devoted myself to my career. But now I realize that I have a long life ahead of me and I cannot live it all by myself. So I am ready to date but it seems that I don't look young any more even though I am just 30. I have been asked to use skinceuticals. What are they and would you recommend that I use them?"

Skinceutical is a term that is derived from combining "skin" with the "ceutical" part of pharmaceutical. Or in other words, these are products that have some of the properties of pharmaceutical products that work on your skin. While these are not drugs as per the definition of FDA, they have many drug-like benefits and are developed after years of research and testing.

What we are finding is that due to the stresses of a difficult marriage and divorce, a man can add more than 10 years to his appearance. Not only are you not eating/sleeping/exercising right or taking care of your skin, you are also in an unhappy mood all the time. The damage can be lasting if not taken care of right away.

So whoever is recommending that you use skinceuticals is giving you good advice. Skinceuticals will provide you with a range of products and each will work in a different way on your skin. A SkinCeutical package for men will typically include:

1. Antioxidant protection that improves skin tone and elasticity as well as reduces the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
2. A moisture replenisher that nourish and hydrate the skin.
3. Hydrating Gel to maximize the benefits of your daily moisturizer and leave skin supple and smooth.

It is typically recommended that you use these products daily. As we consistently point out to our readers, you have to make other lifestyle changes apart from using skinceuticals to repair the damage to your skin and change your appearance. This is what we suggest:

• A positive attitude towards life
• Regular exercise
• Healthy eating habits
• Eliminate alcohol and smoking (Related article: Excessive smoking and drinking is bad for skin)
• Drink plenty of water and consume lots of fruits and vegetables

Related articles

Dating for divorced people

Precautions when dating recently divorced men

Relationship problems faced by couples

Lisa in San Cupertino, California, is about to get married next month and is then off to her honeymoon in Italy. She writes, "While my fiance is my highschool sweetheart, we have never been physically intimate. We have hugged and kissed and that is where we stopped. Now I want to give him my virginity that I have saved for him. I am reasonably attractive but need your advice if I should shop for lingerie?"

As we at LuvCube have been saying all along, men are very visual creatures. While we expect that since it is going to be first time for both of you, you both are quite excited about it and will have no problem in being attractive to each other, but still it is an excellent idea to shop for lingerie to make it special. We have also found that it is not only women who are shopping for lingerie prior to their honeymoon now. Even men are now realizing that they need to do the same if they want to look attractive to their bride. You probably do not know what he is going to do; so it is best that you shop for him as well and surprise him with lingerie gifts. He will not disappoint you and will definitely wear them for you.

Points to consider while shopping for lingerie

• Since it is intimate apparel and will touch your body at all times, you want to look for high-quality fabrics. Different people have different preferences but silk, lace, and cotton work for most people. Some people do not mind nylon but you can choose whatever you like.
• Remember that lingerie for honeymoon has to be more elegant and attractive than what you would wear on a daily basis though a recent survey of LuvCube members showed that more than 75% of young women were partial to elegant lingerie on a daily basis. (Related article: Tips for wearing lingerie for the first time)
• Brand name lingerie is always a safe bet. Not only are you guaranteed choice of good-quality fabrics, but these are also well-engineered for proper support. Our preference is Victoria's Secret, and if you can afford it, La Perla.
• The final point to remember is the aesthetics of lingerie. Since it is your honeymoon, you want to select something that is very attractive, colorful, and looks good on you. No matter, how attractive, if it does not suit you and fit you, it should not be bought.
• We are also assuming that you know what your sizes are. If not, it is always a good idea to get yourself measured by a professional. That way you know that you are going to buy something that fits you well. The best place to go to is a local lingerie store though you do not have to shop there. The current trend is to shop online since the choices are much wider.

Tips for lingerie shopping for men

Many men still do not understand the concept of "lingerie for men" and may feel too shy. A large number of men believe that lingerie is only for women. That is no longer true. Women are increasingly demanding that men also wear attractive outfits in the bedroom. However, since it is the first time he will be wearing lingerie, you might want to buy something that is not too bold. Keep in mind what his preference for colors and fabrics are. That way you can be sure that he will wear it for you.

Recommended articles

Shopping for bras in small sizes

How Japanese women use lingerie

Lingerie for middle-aged women

Amy in Rochester, New York, US, comments, "I think that age is just a number. I once came across a quote that said, "Do not count your life by years, but experience and tears." I think that by being attracted to an older man it has caused me to take a look at myself and assess what I can bring to a relationship. Instead of comparing myself to friends, adding up my bedroom experiences and trying to make sure I am doing what is normal, I look at the bigger picture. What I mean by this is that I take a look at each moment and think about how I can best handle it. I look more at how I can best handle my life, how I can get the most out of every moment. It also makes me acutely aware of my maturity level both emotionally and physically. Personally knowing that they have a lot more experience does not bother me. I am comfortable with what I have done and not done. The older man would have to realize that and not want me to play catchup to him. I believe we do not have to get to the same experience level to enjoy the things we do together. "

What an attitude! If all couples in America could think along these lines we could probably reduce the divorce rate by half. Based on other emails that we have received from couples with significant age difference after we published our two stories Older men and younger women and then Older women and younger men, these are our findings:

• Age no longer matters because the traditional concept of a relationship is disappearing. When half the marriages don't last for a lifetime, couples are now looking for compatibility and fulfillment rather than a potential spouse in all cases.
• Americans are increasingly realizing that there is a difference between the age that is shown on the birth certificate and the actual "age" of a person. The two are often different.
• Having an experienced partner is not always a bad thing. Yes, sometimes it is a lot more fun to discover something new together but it doesn't hurt to learn from someone who knows. And to be honest, there is always something that both of you wouldn't know. Finally, even young people know stuff that old have no clue about.

Related article: Should you date a younger woman?

Tom writes, "Your article on elimination of cellulite claims men don't get cellulite. I walk 10-15 miles a week, butt. It is visible even when standing up. Do you know why?"

First of all, it is extremely rare among men to have cellulite. The incidence among men is so small that not much information is available as to its causes (among men) and what can be done to reduce or eliminate it. (Related article: How to delay cellulite) You, however, have two options to reduce cellulite and let us touch each of them briefly:

Treatments

Research to see if cosmetic surgery is a solution to get rid of your cellulite.

Try a product like DDF Transformation Contour Body Treatment that can reduce the appearance of cellulite by facilitating drainage and mobilization of water. You can also visit a massage therapist regularly for special attention to the area in which you have cellulite.

Lifestyle changes

While you already seem to be doing some of these, we will still list all for the benefit of others who will read this article:

1. Stay within your recommended weight range. If you are overweight, reduce your weight through exercising and dieting.
2. Quit smoking.
3. Eat a diet rich in fiber and drink plenty of water

Recommended article: Eliminate cellulite using nano-technology based Osmotics Lipoduction

Rob writes, "I am confused about when people say that if a woman approaches you it is a positive sign that she has an interest in you. Does that mean the woman must speak to you when she approaches you or just coming into your vicinity/area is an invitation for you to speak to her? Why is this a positive sign? Is this a more positive sign than eye-contact and so on? What about other body language?"

How do women show their interest in a man or how do they "flirt"?

Women have a different style of communication than men. They tend to be more subtle and indirect. Thus, all signs that you have mentioned (eye contact, approaching someone, changing location in a room to be closer to someone of interest, etc.) are very positive indicators. She is definitely ready for a flirtatious move by you. Or in other words, you must approach her. You do not have to wait for her to actually speak to you. As a man, it is generally expected that you will take the next step by starting a polite conversation (I would say that you stay away from those stupid pickup lines type starters). Be creative and make your conversation very relevant to the specific situation.

What style a woman chooses to flirt is a matter of personality, individual preference, and cultural background.

How should a man respond when a woman wants to flirt?

1. Be playful, but don't be cheap or obnoxious.
2. Don't draw too many conclusions when you see signs of flirting. Take one step at a time. Just because a woman is flirting with you, it does not imply that she is ready to go home with you. Some women are flirtatious by nature, others just like to tease, and yes, some women use it as the first step to tell a man that he is on their radar screen.
3. Be prepared to respond if you have misread the signal. In fact, always work with the hypothesis that while it was a positive sign but you will still need to confirm that she is romantically interested in you. If you misread, don't just cut off the conversation and dump her. Be polite; maybe you will find her to be a great conversation partner for the duration of the event. Women are also drawn to men that someone has already found to be attractive/interesting. So talking to her would attract other women towards you or she might introduce you to someone else if she finds you interesting enough.

Recommended articles:

How to attract a reluctant woman?

How to approach a woman that is already in a relationship?

How to seduce women?

How to make a man notice you - tips for women

How to steal someone's boyfriend

Nick writes, "I have been in love with my girlfriend for years. She thinks it is time to be physically intimate. I just want to know what will make me a GREAT lover. While she has been with a few partner, I have not. Could you please help me?"

Well, first of all, you must make it special.

Suggestions to make it special for a woman

1. Pick an appropriate time so that you don't end up doing it in a hurry in a totally unplanned way.
2. Pick a place. We strongly recommend a romantic getaway.
3. Prepare for it: Get an appropriate outfit for yourself (and for her too if you truly want to charm her). You might also want to consider other bedroom supplies like massagers, aphrodisiacs, condoms, and kamasutra sets (both for precaution as well as to create the right ambience).

Suggestions to prepare yourself

1. It is perfectly natural to be nervous but since she is the experienced one you must let her take charge. She loves you and will be happy to guide you along. In no time, you will start to enjoy it.
2. While we do not think that you should go crazy studying, doing some research is not a bad idea. You will be able to enjoy yourself better and also please her as well.

Final thoughts

Remember, it is not an exam. So relax. Preparation will give you the confidence, but more importantly, be yourself. There is no need to impress her. If you are charming and affectionate, you will win her heart.

Recommended articles

Sex on first date

How to create magic in a relationship

A long discussion has been going on regarding Asians coloring their hair blonde (or some color not black). It all began when Japanese women literally abandoned their beautiful black hair and dyed it in all shades of brown. Recently we received some interesting comments. Linda says, "It may be that for some Asian women, they are becoming blonde because they idolize the Caucasion look. But, I think for most of the youth today, whether in Japan or the U.S. or anywhere for that matter, it's more of a fashion trend and for some they do it for the shock value."

We agree. Some Asians (that we are so used to seeing in their beautiful, jet-black hair) do it just o get a different look and shock everyone around them who does not expect them to have hair of any color other than black. Vy writes, "I am an Asian that is interested in experimenting with hair dyes. Among the colors I want to try is blonde. I don't understand how my urge to try blonde hair translates to me wanting to be "White." I concede that blonde hair does not come natural to Asians. But then again, neither does blue or red. Why would these colors be acceptable for "self expression"; while blonde is not. I've eaten apple pie. I've played baseball - two things that are considered very "American". These things descended from Caucasians. Am I trying to be white because I eat apple pie? Would I be trying to be black because I listened enthusiastically to Jazz or hip-hop? What lines are drawn in defining a "Wannabe"? I feel that most people who are on the brink of dying their hair want to do so simply because they want change in their lives. The simplest (and most immediate) way to do this is to alter your appearance. You see Caucasians slip between red, brown, and blonde hair without having their motives and cultural pride questionned. Why can't this same grace be extended to an Asian?"

Absolutely; let the world be a place full of color.

Related articles

Look younger by coloring your hair

Hair trimming

Hair in the armpits

Martin from Flint, Michigan, writes, “I have a Latin girlfriend. She complains that I am too cold. I love her; I do not want to lose her, but at the same time, I am who I am and I do not think I am cold. What can I do?”

First, try to understand what she really means. Anglo people are generally perceived to be colder than Latin people. We all know that and she should have known this before starting to date you. You do not have to change, but have to improve communication with her and ask her precisely what she means.

By the way, most women find their guys “cold” or not “romantic enough.” This is a common complaint among women; so do not worry. In most cases, it refers to the different way in which men and women see the world. Men forget birthdays and anniversaries and do not make a big deal about celebrations. Many times they do not even think about buying that box of chocolate, opening doors, or just saying nice things, etc. In other words, many times men forget to try to make their girlfriends feel special and tell them how much they love them. (Related article: American wives are bored and depressed)

Try to see if you fall in this category and see how you can improve. It is a good idea to try since most women (Latin or not) will appreciate this. A man does not have to be handsome to be charming and your luck with ladies can improve a lot if you develop charm. So you may want to be a bit “warmer.”

Related articles

Tips to attract women

What do women want?

Libido problem

How to satisfy your partner?

Jack in Brooklyn, New York, writes, “My wife is getting bigger by the day. I love her. I do not want to hurt her feelings and she is very sensitive but I think she is starting to look older and uglier and one day she will regret it. Should I tell her? How?”

Yes, you should. Many people put on weight without realizing it. And if people close to them do not help them to realize what they are doing wrong, no one else will. It does not help anyone at all. Overweight people also earn less. Obesity not only makes you look ugly, it is also bad for your health. So as a responsible husband, you need to let her know. Most men do not do so because they are afraid, like you, that they will end up hurting their wives and there will be more problems in their marriage because of some honest feedback from them. (Related article: How to motivate an overweight spouse to lose weight)

Women are caregivers and many times forget about themselves. Maybe you should give her an example and try to have a healthier lifestyle as a couple. Otherwise with lots of tact, you should tell her what you told us: you love her no matter what, but you have noticed that she is consistently gaining weight and you are concerned about her health. Ask her how you can help and what you two can do together. (Related article: Weight loss for spouse)

It is also a good idea to propose that both of you take on one challenge each and then celebrate by doing something together. Have you always wanted to learn playing guitar? Or just pick something that is challenging and then work side by side with her and you will see that she will be more receptive to your suggestion. (Related article: Dieting for couples)

With the advancements that we have made, there are several options that she can consider to get back in shape.

Recommended articles: Oprah's Boot Camp

Birth control options for obese women

Mike writes, "I have had some flirts and some nice moments with girls, as short as they were, but I am 19 years old and I have never had a real relationship. When I was young, I was quite shy. Now that I’m older, I am starting to approach women a little. But for me to make any contact with a girl I need to learn to break the ice. I’m not that assertive. Please help."

I think the first area that you need to focus on is to get some experience – not with just girls that you truly wish to date but with the females of the human species. The reason that is important is that you need to get some experience as soon as possible so that you will be better prepared whenever you meet the "girl of your dreams." I am suggesting the following strategy for you.

1. Make a list of all the girls/women in your life that are currently approachable (I mean those you can somehow contact and be able to spend time with them in person – these could be friends, friends-of-friends, colleagues, relatives, etc.). They need not be the ones that you think today as romantic friends but as long as they could potentially be, it is OK to put them on the list. You will be surprised to know how effective this exercise is and how fast it works. Now you have your hit list.
2. The most difficult task is to find people – making friends is the easy part. You can make this list quite long if you think creatively. I mean, for example, the woman at the convenience store who often smiles at you or the friend of a friend who showed interest in you when you met at a party but you did not even catch her last name and have no clue how to track her down again. Or a distant cousin whom you can easily approach - after all you already have some initial connection here. At this point, anyone is a potential date for you. (Related article: How to attract women)
3. Once you have your list ready, then try to spend time with them whenever you can. Not only will you learn how it is to be hanging out with women, someone will actually see you as a charming person and might even want to have a relationship with you or will recommend you to her friend. At this point, you are not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship, but you are learning how to socialize with women and how to flirt. (Related article: How to become a warm and friendly person)
4. And that is how the dating games begins.

Recommended links:

What do women want from men

Many fans have asked how they can take advantage of online dating without going broke. Yes, this is true that online dating on high quality websites can be expensive particularly if you are not an active user. The monthly fee can add up pretty quickly.

But here is a solution. Lavalife has a plan exactly for those folks who want to be able to find a date when they wish but there are no monthly bills to pay. You sign up for free and then pay only when you make a contact with someone by using a point system. So if you are still dating casually, then a program like Lavalife is for you.

Recommended article: How to make online dating work?

Kristina asks, "Can you please give me advice on how to get rid of my acne? I have a very oily skin and have used several products to treat my acne but still nothing seems to work."

Acne is very complex; there is no one cure for it. It is actually a skin condition. We have ways to improve it but not to cure it. The most effective treatments are used by dermatologists. It appears that Accutane is the most effective treatment. Accutane is available by prescription only

Generally speaking, acne requires more thorough treatment than just using creams. We have seen good results with eating a healthy diet, avoiding bad carbs such as anything with white flour and sugar. Also ingestion of good fats instead of bad fats appears to help. Good fats include olive oil, any nut oil (avoid peanuts), organic butter instead of margarine, canola oil, unrefined soy oil, etc.

Recent studies mentioned that a deficit in selenium may also cause acne. So check on your selenium intake. Foods to avoid are peanut oil (most Chinese foods are cooked in this oil), salt in excess, sodas and most processed foods. You can also try taking a selenium supplement.

This should improve your acne in addition to your skin care regimen. Try not to use products that contain mineral oil and products that make your skin very dry.

Recommended link: Backne or bacne

Peter asks, "I would love to know how to last a lot longer in bed. I typically last about 3 to 5 minutes before I climax, but my wife does not. There is nothing more important to me than to climax when she does. My wife is very patient and understanding, but I know she would like things to be better. I would love to know how to control better or if there is even a solution to this problem? Please help." (Related article: How to seduce women?)

This is a question that is very often asked by our readers. In fact, this is a question that often bothers men and they are too shy to ask this to a medical professional. No wonder a whole bunch of dishonest businesses have taken over this problem and started peddling all kinds of herbal medicines, gels, lotions, and other contraptions. While most don't work, consumers are too embarrassed to complain or ask for their money back. (Related article: Give pheromones a try. They seem to work for both men and women)

This does not mean that there is nothing that can be done. Here are a few points that we would like to make:

• Believe it or not, 3-5 minutes is pretty average time. However, if the female does not climax during this period, the couple should instead focus on prolonging romantic conversation, hugs, cuddling, kissing, etc. What happens is that the couple started too soon and did not spend enough time getting ready for it.
• As women reach their late 30s and 40s, they often experience dryness in their private area and take much longer to get ready/wet. If the man moves too fast, it is painful for the woman and may not be good for the man either. It is best if a personal lubricant is used so that both the man and the woman are ready at the same time.
• Other tips that men have suggested to us: think of something else, take your mind away, ask your partner to get on top, and have a glass of wine before engaging in physical intimacy.
• If the female still does not climax, then there are other issues to be considered and it is good to consult a doctor. Premature ejaculation has been categorized as a medical condition and your doctor can prescribe appropriate medicine.

Recommended articles:

How to make sure that a woman can climax?

Lose weight and have better sex

How to have great sex with your partner

Penny writes, "I read your article on shy females and you have some very good suggestions. I have already done some of these, like smiling at him when I walk by and making eye contact. I did give a card with a note when we met and he smiled/winked with his face all lit up after reading it. I have touched his arm while talking to him once and he moved in closer and I asked questions like where he was born, lived before, and his job, his major in college and what he does on the holidays, etc. There are just times when his friends are around and I'm afraid to approach him that I might scare him away because when his friends are nearby that's when he gets shy/nervous. How do I make him understand my feelings for him?"

You have done all the right things and it seems that this guy is really shy. And guys don't always get what women want from them. I think what will work is to get close to him by giving him a reason to be together with you. Can you ask him to teach you something or help with an assignment or go to the library together? Anything that will get you closer but without the pressure of being in private. Remember guys are very afraid of rejection and unless he is sure that you want him bad he might be too shy to take the next step. (Related article: How to make a man notice a woman)

I think for the fear that the guys will tease him he is not approaching you in front of them so if you can make it as easy as possible for him it will be great.

Recommended links: How to overcome shyness?

Reduce shyness

Nancy writes, "I have begun dating a man twice my age. I am 38 and he is 76. He is in very good health for his age and I am in very poor health for mine. I have had Fibromyalgia for 14 years which has made me unable to work and has caused me to become much less dependant. Burt and I have been neighbors for many years and have enjoyed each other's company. His wife recently passed away of a long illness. I miss her and so does he, of course. Oddly, he and I have gotten very close very quickly after her death. We talk of her and miss her and love her. But we feel so comfortable in each other's presence that it is difficult to not be moving towards a decision point on whether or not to have a dating/more intimate relationship. Our chemistry is phenomenal. We get along like gasoline and fire. I am grateful to read your article and will seek out the book 1,000 Questions for Couples. I wonder, however, is there any information you have or even any opinion about this situation? Are we being completely foolish? We feel wonderful together but quite awkward out in the public, with family, other neighbors, and friends because of the obvious negative comments we are afraid we will have to suffer. Please help?"

1. Love just happens and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, that is the beauty of it. So if it is love, then congratulations. You must celebrate your love and enjoy every moment of it.
2. You say that you are in poor health and I am assuming that you have not had any substantive relationships during your illness. Thus, a relationship with a man who understands your situation and still offers you all his love, is great.
3. At the same time, I see the problems that you will face. So the questions that you have to ask yourself are:
   (a) What do you want out of this relationship? Companionship, affection, intimacy, or anything else, or a combination of some of these.
   (b) Do you want to get married some day? If so, then this is not the right man for you no matter how much in love you both are. Why? Because he is approaching his time and his physical condition will deteriorate much faster than you can imagine. And so will his performance in bed.
   (c) What about children? Do you want some? I am no doctor but from what I know he should not father children at this age. Not only they can have illnesses but you will basically be left to raise them alone.
   (d) Don't worry about what others will say because people will talk. Always. If not this, then there will be something else. Eventually they will get used to it, but by spending time with him, there is an opportunity cost. You are taking time away from meeting other men.
   (e) I think he just misses his wife terribly and men who have been married for that long can not face loneliness. Since you were there for him, he is seeing a person who is a perfect substitute for his wife. So it works for him but I am doubting if this works for you. I know a lot of women that are happy dating much older men but I am skeptical about this case.
   (f) Love is beautiful and you come across as someone who is in love. But at the same time you are doing the right thing by thinking about these issues now. There is no need to breakup right now. But you should continue to look. You have a long life ahead and eventually you might want to find someone you can spend the rest of your life with.

Recommended links:

Dating younger men

Dating baby boomers

How to attract men that are interested in you?

Janice writes, "Im eating better and have lost a lot of weight. I do indoor exercises, ride my bike, dance, and walk. I also jump rope and swim. I don't do these all the time though, and I want to lose the last 14 lbs so I can be 100 lbs. I am making smoothies for myself and the ingredients are:

• 1 bananna,
• 1 cup raspberry sherbet,
• 1 cup orange juice, and
• A few ice cubes.

Are these ingredients bad or are they low-fat? I'm concerned about the sherbert. Is that low-fat and good for a dieter who wants to lose weight?

Good that you are working out and eating right. My concern is that you are putting a lot of stuff with sugar in it. Remember that sugars are carbs and eventually they convert to fat. So smoothies are great but just use fresh fruit and milkwater, and skip the sugar altogether, or if you must, use a calorie-free sweetner. High-quality 100% honey is another option.

You also got to eat more proteins. So when you go to a health food store you can buy some powdered soy protein that you can add to your smoothie. That way you get ample protein. It may not taste so delicious but you will start to like it after a while.

Recommended links: Low-carbs diet analysis

Diets that really work

Meridia - the weight loss drug

How to keep your body firm after weight loss?

How to slim down in six weeks?

Lana asks, "I was wondering if it is safe to skip lunch. What can I do to lose 6-10 pounds in a week?"

It is never a good idea to skip a meal and it is also not always a great idea to lose weight so rapidly. In fact, we recommend that you try to lose weight literally one ounce at a time. There are many myths about diets and this is a myth that by skipping a meal you will lose weight.

What you need to do is to eat in small amounts, but eat several times a day. In other words, you try to lose weight by lowering your calorie consumption. What does it do? It stops you from feeling really hungry, and thus, chances of overeating are small. It is amazing how you can fool your system. Sometimes when you are really starving, if you have noticed it, all you can do is to drink a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice or a diet Coke; you have consumed hardly any calories but for next 2-3 hours your appetite is gone.

Related weight loss tips

Weight loss diets

Eat more fruits and vegetables for losing weight

Which diet is good for you?

Automatic diet

Sonoma diet

Oprah diet

Oprah boot camp

Regina writes, "I read the article on women wearing ties. I totally agree! Most people don't notice me, although I have a group of close friends. Well, one morning on an exam day, I pulled on my jeans and one of my dark blue, striped button down shirts, and looked in the mirror. I didn't look BAD, per se, but really, really dull. So, I took one of my dad's red ties and put it on. To quote Queer Eye for the Straight Guy folks, "I went from drab to fab!" and I got compliments all day long! In fact, the tie's bold color created a line down the middle, causing me to look thinner! Women of the world, take up ties! They ROCK!"

Recommended link: Style makeover for women

Krista in Connecticut writes, "My boyfriend always heads straight for my private parts. How can I tell him I don't really like that. He simply pays no attention to any other body parts, even though I think I am good looking woman."

You have not indicated your age but we are assuming that your boyfriend is young. This is a common mistake that young men make. Please remember that men are more visual creatures while women tend to be more into feelings. Men also do a terrible job with romantic conversation prior to getting intimate.

Unless he gets it on his own, you might want to take charge of the situation yourself. Here are some tips:

1. Don't let him come close to you physically first. Tease him first, particularly his eyes. That way he won't touch you for as long as you like.
2. Make your privates less difficult to reach. So for example, if you are wearing jeans, as opposed to a skirt, you have more control because you can simply tell him "not yet." Similarly you can switch to tops that are difficult to come off as opposed to tank tops.
3. Finally, sit down with him and tell him your thoughts. Educate him about what you like and what you don't. The worst time to do this is in the bedroom. So it is something that you can tell him after you have already been intimate, and he is in a good mood, or you are just hanging out.

Recommended articles

Modern woman's definition of physical intimacy

Women need not be intimate just to make a man happy

How to seduce your man?

Misty writes, "I have a boyfriend and we've been together for a few weeks. But, I known him for about 3 years. I am in love with him, and he says he is in love with me. It's an online dating thing since we met on the Internet. We met in person too, and have been talking for 3 years together. He has just left for a trip for a month, and I'm going to miss him so much. Any suggestions to help me get over his leaving for that amount of time?"

Well congratulations on this beautiful relationship. It is always hard to be separated so early on in the relationship but life must go on. We would say that you have several things that should keep you smiling: sweet memories, photographs, and maybe if he can do it for you: recordings of his message on audio or video. Plus ask him to call you regularly so that at least you can hear his voice. It is also possible now to go to a private chat room and have either an online chat or even a video conversation.

Recommended article

How to manage long distance relationships?

Reena writes, "I gain weight on my torso area before any other part of my body. I hate that because I'm already heavy. Any suggestions?"

You are not alone. This is what happens with many women. Other areas where this happens are waist, hips, and sometimes thighs. So what you really need to do is to cut back on carbohydrates (eat more meats and vegetables and eliminate wheat/rice/sugar etc.), exercise regularly, and just keep smiling.

Research also shows that women who practice yoga can control fat accumulation.

Related articles: Choice of lingerie for women small on top

Losing weight with vegetarian diet

Lose weight without a formal diet

Raw diet

Yo yo dieting

John writes, "Too often men are told to put aside their physical beauty and bottle their desires to look attractive for women. We too like to feel that we are desirable much like a woman feels when wearing pretty lingerie. I wear thong underwear with some regularity and thong swimwear when the occasion is right and enjoy the flattering looks and glances I receive."

Yes, we know what John is talking about because there is a large group of men that is now realizing that being a macho does not always help them find women of the 21st century.

Related articles

Brazilian bikini wax is a must if you want to wear thongs in public

How to choose your underwear?

Men in feminine lingerie

Men who dress in lingerie are normal

Men's shop for thongs and apparel

Welcome to MYNIPPON blog

LuvCube.com welcomes you to its Hollywood relationships blog dedicated primarily to relationships of Hollywood personalities that includes models, actors and actresses, band members, and everyone else that matters. So please visit us regularly.