We have taken the position in the past that adultery is acceptable in some cases (Read article: Adultery is acceptable sometimes). Unfortunately, life is never so black and while. That is why we often come across very complex cases. Here is one couple that we have been helping out with making the right choices in their relationship (which happens to be an adulterous one right now).

Victor has been married twice and, like his first wife, his second wife is just not into intimacy with the same intensity that he has. She has simply refused to give him what he needs. Victor, a young man of 33, simply suffered for many years and felt very frustrated with his bedroom experiences. By sheer coincidence he ran into Brenda, who is a woman that is literally made for him. They both connected instantaneously and their private life has been good but Victor continues to suffer from guilt.

He writes, "First of all, let me explain that I love my wife and that I wish to stay with her because I feel that for me it is the right thing to do. Now even though my wife is not a very passionate person in bed and although Brenda gives me what I need - the stress and turmoil afterwards is sometimes too much for me to deal with. I feel very guilty afterwards. I expressed to Brenda today we are like a island of fire with water around us putting out our flame because what we share is hard under the circumstances. I know that if I and Brenda stay strong and do not share in any physical needs it will be tough for us and I was wondering if we choose to do this, how do we cope with it? She has been very supportive of me and I believe she will continue to be so. She makes my every desire come true and makes me feel alive. I do feel bad that my wife doesn't do this for me only because she is not at my level. I need to understand how am I to walk away from what fulfills me so much but I feel that my pretty lace babydoll. It was very incredible but yet I didn't want to climax because I feel guilty afterwards. This has been a problem for me over and over. I'm just wondering how is that I will continue my marriage and yet have these feelings for Brenda. We both know the limitations and she understands that I want to keep my marriage but we both have a basic need."

I see a few issues that Victor and Brenda need to deal with.

1. Victor's marriage is definitely a failure because if physical satisfaction and an emotional bond is missing in a couple, they have a real problem. Victor wants to be with his wife not because he feels fulfilled but because he thinks of it as a moral issue, a responsibility, an honorable thing to do. While admirable, this is not going to help anyone.
2. Victor's feelings are divided among two people. His wife is being cheated upon (even though she does not know about his adultery but someday she will or might), and Brenda is losing out on her life. No matter how much Brenda and Victor like each other, he is still married to someone else and Brenda can never go out in public with him. Till then she cannot even date other men.
3. It is very likely that Victor might simply walk away and Brenda will be left with nothing but some sweet memories of the relationship.

What can Victor and Brenda do?

1. Victor's marriage is broken; it is a good wife founds out about his adultery. It will be an ugly divorce at that point.
2. Victor must enjoy himself if he is with Brenda. He is not able to climax because he feels guilty. But then he shouldn't do it. He is not being fair to himself or to Brenda. They should either stop being intimate or enjoy themselves thoroughly.
3. Brenda also has to fight for her rights unless she is in this only for the fun of it. She might turn out to be the biggest loser in this game.

So what do you think? Share your thoughts with us.

Recommended articles:

When men cheat

Should I keep cheating or get a divorce?

We can't keep track of how many times a week we get asked about ways to stop aging. And if we know of any anti-aging products. Well, let us tell you a few facts about aging and what you can do about it:

1. You cannot stop time, and therefore, the fact is that you will get old, no matter what.
2. You will also get "old" eventually but you can delay by as many as 10-15 years how "old" you look and feel.
3. There is no magic pill to stop or delay aging despite the fact that you might receive email offers of all kinds. Whatever anti-aging treatments we are suggesting have to be combined with other lifestyle changes before they will have any meaningful effect. You just cannot take a pill each night and become young in 30 days. No such chemical/drug/herb has been discovered yet. Not by Americans, not by Chinese, nor anyone else.
4. You look old when your skin is "old." Your internal organs might work fine and you might otherwise be in excellent health, but if your skin is not in good shape, you might look even older than you really are.

How to delay aging and look and feel younger?

1. Take care of your skin. (Related article: Most effective anti-aging products for skin)
2. Stay in shape. Exercise regularly.
3. Eat balanced meals and count your calories so that you do not consume more calories than you need. Drink plenty of water; actually keep drinking till you cannot drink any more.
4. Do nothing in excess. While we do not recommend smoking or drinking, what does the most damage to the body is excess of anything (even healthy food). An occasional smoke or a drink is acceptable but anything more than that is just not a good idea. Similarly, occasionally eating fatty foods like desserts and French fries is also OK; but if you eat dessert each night, you are inviting a lot of trouble.
5. Adopt a natural lifestyle. You will be healthier if you think before you put anything on your skin or eat/drink any food. Remember, if it is cheap, it is probably made from something cheap (or in other words, an artificial chemical produced from the cheapest raw materials). As we keep saying, it is better not to put anything on your skin than to put some cheap lotions or creams that are probably made from petroleum waste.

Related articles:

Skincare for men

Natural products for skin care

As is being discussed on the romance channel, dating a person with a significant age difference is not easy. While both men and women (and the society to some extent) have warmed up to the idea but it is not smooth sailing yet. This is understandable since a lot of people still believe that the relationship is only good when the couple is fairly close in age, background, values, and experiences. It is hard to argue with any of this (despite the wrongly held opinion by some that "opposites attract"), but based on what we are hearing, there are many couples who have great relationships even if they have very different ages.

Let us read Vivian's story and see if we can help her. She is a 43-year old dating, as she puts it, a "very mature" 26 year old. She adds, "We could not be more compatible, if we tried. He is aware of my actual age and has introduced me to his friends. His family is very traditional and I don't know how they would accept it. My biggest problem is that I feel he is going to leave me any day for a younger woman. We have not told each other yet that we are in love but we connect with such intensity, it is obvious. I think we both avoid the subject. I'm afraid to bring it up fearing that the relationship will end. What is happening to me is that most of my day is spent thinking of him and if he still wants me until I hear from him. This is getting exhausting. I don't want to lose him...He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have a hard time taking this relationship one day at a time because I am so occupied. Please help."

We see the following problem with Vivian's case:

• Lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. While it is understandable (the problem is more acute among women since they are more concerned about their age and being dumped for being old), but this could hurt her. Probably, her boyfriend can sense it too and no one likes a person with low self esteem.
• Thinking too much about the future; to a point that you stop enjoying the relationship in the present. With the divorce rate in America at 50%, it is clear that even perfect relationships among couples with no age gap are falling apart. What that means is that it is very important to enjoy each and every moment of your relationship in the present, give it your best, and not worry about the future.
• Lacking trust in the relationship (and indirectly in her boyfriend). There are moments in life when you just have to trust your heart. She has to trust the relationship and her boyfriend and deal with the consequences later on. In fact we think that she has less to worry about; her boyfriend who is younger than her has more to worry about a dating an older woman.

We like the attitude that Cristiana has. She is a 40 years old Italian woman and is dating a 25-year old soccer player. She says, "I am having the time of my life. I look 10 to 12 years younger, I wear trendy designer clothes, go to the gym 3 times a week, go to discos twice a week, eat healthy, and take vitamins. Age is just a number; it's all in the attitude. Because of my attitude, my boyfriend does not even realize that he is dating someone older."

Patrick, a man in Chicago, has a similar attitude. "Since my divorce 12 years ago, about 80% of my girlfriends have been of minimum 10 years younger than me; some were 17 to 20. They were great partners! They have no hangups, want to explore, and are willing to learn! My current girlfriend is 20 years my junior, and we've been together for the last 2 years. I really enjoy her companionship and love her. My attitude is very positive and I trust that our relationship is based on fundamentals and age is really not an issue."

Our advice to Vivian is to change her attitude by trusting herself, her boyfriend, and their relationship. She should stop living in the future. A relationship is NOW. And if she has concerns, she should just share them with her boyfriend.

Recommended article: Challenges of dating a younger man

Couples with large age gaps coping well

Mature women should treat younger lover with maturity

Older women with younger men

Moisturizers keep women young

A lot of women all over the world, especially in Asia (since their bodies are similar to bodies of Asian girls), are constantly trying to figure out how Japanese women can have and maintain their proportionate bodies. Japanese women seem to have a unique approach to maintaining their bodies in shape and their fitness programs are somewhat different from those followed in America. This issue has been addressed in several articles in the past on Health, Beauty & Fitness channel, but we asked Eimi Graham, our contributor who lives in Tokyo, to investigate the secrets of lose weight. This cannot be over-emphasized. If you are overweight, there is no way you can get the proportionate body that you are looking for.

• To get your waist in shape, do crunches and twist your waist around - like doing hula hoops. This will help burn the fat around the waist.
• To get your hips in shape, try moving your hips like you are going to sit down (but don't sit down on the floor!).
• Massaging your chest area helps in stimulating the muscles in the chest region to keep that part in shape.
• Dancing is also good to keep your body in shape. I personally like to bellydance; so this would be a fun way to accomplish your goal. You don't have to be a great dancer, and you can dance in the privacy of your home or do any of the dance routines commonly done in a gym.
• Another trick that you should try is what we Japanese call as "image training." This is a way to help yourself realize that you are going to get in shape. Try listening to up-beat dance music while doing crunches and so on. Up-beat music may makes you avoid thinking about food, and as you move to the rhythm, you may burn a little more calories. While some women like bellydancing type music, others prefer ballet music for exercise. These are not necessarily bad but most of the girls that I spoke to found fast-paced music to be the best.

Related articles: Weight loss tips from Japan

Bellydancing is fairly easy

I can not emphasize enough the importance of a positive attitude. Over the years I have found that what differentiates winners from losers and the rich from poor is a positive attitude. The losers see a rainy, depressing day; the winners see the rain feeding the garden so that flowers will bloom. The losers hate the snow; the winners admire its serene beauty and contemplate on Nature's powers.

I recently helped a wonderful woman who was just a victim of low self-esteem, and therefore, had a very negative attitude. With a little bit of help, she realized what she could do with her life if only she could convert all that negative energy into a positive attitude. Her boyfriend loves her, she is good-looking, and she is indeed very charming. What she doesn't have? More flesh on the bones.

Let me just reproduce her truly inspiring story and what she has decided to do with her life from now on. You can clearly see how positive attitude is developing inside her:

"I know for sure I wish to change that attitude/mentality of mine that is holding me back and I want more than anything to get out of this negative circle I have found myself trapped in! It is just that it is not as easy to do as it is to say. And living in this country where well-endowed ones - which ones also happen to be the majority in my race - is not making it any easier; not to mention all those"whatever-less" comments one gets now and then.

I know my boyfriend loves me, desires and likes me for who I am. He never stops saying and demonstrating it. However, it makes it a little hard to know that, while he likes all types of bodies in general and would never choose a woman based on such a shallow criteria as bust size, he generally considers a relatively large to be more impressive than small one.

Yet, it appears that - fortunately - this is a matter of no importance for him when it comes to falling in love or even just considering a woman to be generally beautiful and attractive. It is more him than me who wants us to make love all the time; and there have been many times I have caught myself refusing, making up excuses just to avoid getting undressed - therefore exposed... And it is always me who wants the lights off when making love (or doing it with half my clothes on) for the same reason.

Of course, I realize this is all just inside my brain, as my mate has never made any bad comments or complaints about how I look (the opposite is the case!) - but he has made hundreds about how I behave. Still, obvious as it might be, that it is only me and my own insecurities that the problem comes from. I find myself unable to get rid of all that trash and move on. I know you are right about everything you write in your e-book and I will not miss following your useful advice. Moreover, receiving such words from a mentor like you has been really helpful and encouraging. So, thanks again for helping me build a positive attitude inside me which I can already feel.

I am now really willing and making an effort to change my ways. I know this might take me some time and I also know I sometimes get confused and do not know what to do to help myself but I really want to stop sabotaging my own life and my right to live a beautiful, balanced and full life. Thanks a million times for helping me develop a positive attitude.

Related article: How to develop a positive attitude and improve your self-esteem?

A lot of women are interested in modeling. Indeed modeling is a great way to launch your career in the world of media and entertainment. However, never forget that modeling is one of the most competitive fields and only a few lucky ones can become supermodels. We have helped several aspiring models launch their careers by helping them develop a portfolio and getting noticed.

A lot of aspiring models ask us the secrets of modeling. What can they do to break into the world of modeling. We spoke to several of our models and have summarized their messages below:

1. To all those women out there who are interested in modeling, they should first take a look at what other models are up to. The Internet makes it easy to look at other models’ websites. There are also lots of modeling resource pages on the net. So check out as many websites as you can and take copious notes. Your research will help you a lot in developing your modeling strategy.
2. You should also never pay an agent to represent you. There are several businesses that prey on aspiring models, claiming to give lessons and all of the great contacts. They often charge over a thousand dollars. They will do nothing for you in most cases.
3. With the Internet you can advertise and represent yourself. The most important thing about being a model is that you will have to work hard to promote yourself and you will have to be persistent in your efforts.
4. A good agent will help, and the commission they charge may be worth it but they should not charge you anything up front.
5. You don’t need to pose nude to get all of the good modeling breaks. Decide how far you want to go and be firm about it. Do not be pushed into doing something you are not comfortable with. The world is a big place, and there are lots of legitimate modeling opportunities. Don’t bend your standards just to get that first big break.
6. Ask to see how the modeling agencies have shown other models like you. Look at their website, magazine ads or other places where they feature their models and make sure it is consistent with how you see yourself being portrayed.
7. Before a photo shoot or interview, make sure you know who you are meeting with. Take a friend to the first photo shoot with someone new. Make sure they are legitimate before you meet them alone.

Related links:

Stretch marks creams used by model and movie stars

Modeling at MYNIPPON

No matter what you say and feel but there is no denial of the fact that when what pleases your partner and your partner will respect that." Despite this, we continue to hear from both women (in particular) and men that they are frustrated by the lack of intimacy in their relationships. Some of the common problems related to intimacy mentioned more often are:

• "My partner doesn't understand MY needs."
• "S/he is too fast. S/he does not follow my rhythm."
• "My partner lacks imagination. It is the same thing every time we do it and it is not fun. It is like eating potatoes every time you have a meal."
• "My partner thinks of intimacy as penetration. He does not appreciate romance, kisses, hugs, cuddling, etc."
• "Oh my God! My partner looks bad without clothes. I do not want to see him/her what to say of being intimate."

How can couples enhance the quality of intimacy in their relationships?

A relationship is what a couple makes of it. The effort you put into your relationship, the more you get out of it. Spice is always nice in the bedroom and it is cheap. Some couples get bored very easily with the same positions. All it takes is a little imagination, time, and effort. Physical intimacy shouldn't last 15 minutes; it should last hours. The actual act in any case lasts a few minutes and that is why it should be just the final connection between two people. There is so much more that a couple can do before and after it. Here are some tips to improve quality of intimacy for couples:

1. Touch is very verbal yet non-verbal. How you touch your partner should tell them how you feel. Even a hug or just cuddling or small kisses can make your partner feel wonderful.
2. Women like to feel attractive, and your mate should play off of that in the bedroom to satisfy you. Do not be miser about praise and make it genuine. Remember, don't pressure yourself to do stuff you don't want to do.
3. Bedroom is not the only place. There are so many other interesting places where you can be adventurous. As Mary said, "It is far more exciting when we do it in a place where we are afraid of being caught. The feeling is just remarkable compared to doing it in the privacy of your bedroom."
4. Let each time be like the first time. It may sound difficult and you might shake your head and say that we are crazy to suggest it, but it is possible. You have to be excited about it like a kid is excited about a new toy, no matter how similar the new toy is to the old toy. Stay young at heart and you will always be excited about intimacy with your partner.
5. Use help. Read as much as you can to get new ideas. Check out new websites. Aromatherapy, candles, toys, videos, lingerie, massages - whatever works for you.

Jean is a French man now living in Los Angeles on an assignment. He is in his early 30's. Years ago in Italy he met an Italian girl. They went out for a while and started a relationship. She loved France and seemed to be interested in having a French boyfriend. Well he liked Italian girls too and had often eaten at Italian restaurants and vacationed in Italy. They fell in love, and started to live together.

While they explored each other's cultures, learned to cook together, started practicing the two languages, they also learned to resolve their differences without any bitterness. He says, "Sometimes we had misunderstandings due to different cultures and also personalities, but our private life was so good, that we did not think much about our little problems - she just could not get enough from me. After a while she started to speak about marriage. I enjoyed that life, but she felt unsure about her future. I asked her to wait, but when she lost her job in France and could not support herself, I decided to marry her. Her parents could not come to the wedding, but her mother arranged everything for her and we got married in a simple Italian style wedding. Maybe her mother wanted this marriage more than her. Anyway, after the marriage our life has changed. She now tells me that she does not like intimacy at all. She says that at the beginning of our relationship, she faked great passion for intimacy just to conquer me. But the most interesting thing is that she understands that I am young and still want to enjoy physical intimacy, so she advised me to find a lover/friend, just for physical intimacy. She told me that she will not be jealous and she does not care about it. Is this kind of behavior common among Italian women? Doesn't it sound a bit strange? I've heard many stories about couples sleeping in separate rooms even when they are only in their 40s which I find totally ridiculous. I know some Italian men can be very macho and do have mistresses, but I do not know how to deal with this situation. I am wondering if it would not be better to first separate and then find another partner? I am otherwise very happy with my wife; the only problem is the private life. Should I try to change her or just find another partner and move on?"

We think that you married your wife for all the wrong reasons. You admit that were it not for her financial problems, you would not have married her as early as you did. If you had spent more time with her you would have realized that what you thought was great physical intimacy was actually nothing but a show so that she could pursue her dream of marrying you.

We would not recommend that you have a partner for the sole purpose of physical intimacy though you might meet some of the requirements that we have laid out so that adultery is acceptable in some cases. You might want to do that test yourself. But since this is a long-term problem, the question is, where will you find such a person? How long will she do this for you? How can you be sure that jealousy will not appear later?

Our recommendation is that you should both first meet with a therapist who can provide you with proper advice. Many of these cases can be easily solved by appropriate medical treatment. If she is unwilling to receive medical advice or if it does not work, you should seriously consider divorce with this lady. Research shows that many housewives are bored in their relationships. She used you for her selfish purpose and you should not allow her to destroy your life. It is not uncommon for many women to find a husband for the sole purpose of getting married. It is much better to start all over again. We understand why you are otherwise satisfied with her as your wife but physical intimacy provides the foundation for marriage and it is not a good idea for you to be seeking that elsewhere.

Related article: Tips and ideas for men to attract a reluctant woman

Valerie graduated in 2002 from University of Texas at Austin with a degree in English literature. She did not find a job after graduation until a friend suggested that she might want to consider teaching English overseas. She had only traveled to Cancun during her spring breaks but decided to take the plunge anyway and ended up teaching English in Japan. On reading our article on where to shop for Japanese lingerie, she has filed the following report on what she learned about Japanese women, particularly their taste in lingerie.

Japanese women and the role of lingerie in their lives

Japanese women are among the world’s largest spenders on clothing. Estimates range from $4,000 to 7,000 a year. My research has shown that almost one-third of this is spent on lingerie (defined to include all items of clothing used as underwear e.g. brassiere, panty, chemise, slip, undershirt, stockings, etc., nightwear/sleepwear/loungewear) – that adds up to approximately $1,300 to $2,500, enough to buy a chest-load of stuff.

As you might know, Japan was a very traditional country prior to the Second World War. Most women dressed in traditional clothing like kimono or yukata and there was no role for any lingerie in Japanese life. With rapid westernization, especially from the 70s onwards, Japanese fashion standards changed. Not only did the women become more westernized, they started rebelling against the traditional society by dressing more stylish – leaving not only their Asian but even their western counterparts behind.

Japanese companies then came up with a range of products that suit the Japanese body. While western lingerie companies were slow to enter the Japanese market, even when they did, they were not successful. It was mostly European companies like La Perla that succeeded. Even Victoria’s Secret has had only limited success in the Japanese market since the Japanese woman’s body shape is completely different from the Caucasian body and American lingerie design continues to be tame by Japanese standards.

If lingerie plays such an important part in a Japanese woman’s life, what can be learned from this?

• Remember the old commercial, “Your bathroom is a room too!” That message taught us all to start taking better care of our bathrooms and now, for most people, maintaining a bathroom is an expensive affair but it also gives us a pretty place to spend some quality private time. For a Japanese woman, the same logic applies. She wears beautiful lingerie even on an ordinary day knowing very well that she may not show it to anyone. It gives her pleasure to know that she is wearing something special.
• Japanese society is very homogeneous. In a majority of the jobs, both men and women change into uniforms as soon as they come to work. While some companies have gone to the extent of providing underwear to women as part of the uniform or have prohibited certain items (e.g. black bra is not allowed if the blouse is white or fishnet stockings are prohibited), most companies leave the underwear choice to the women. No wonder that expensive set of underwear and nightwear.
• Japanese women, despite having small, proportionate bodies are very uncomfortable with their bodies. Many of them think that they are too short, do not have large busts, and do not like their pretty lingerie allows a woman to deflect attention from her body to some extent so that when they do undress completely the image of the lingerie still stays in the mind.
• While any discussion in public of underwear in most countries is a taboo, it is not so in Japan. After a slight friendship, you can teasingly ask a woman about her underwear. In mixed groups, even at work, it is not impolite to praise a female employee’s underwear.
• Japan celebrates March 14th every year as White Day – a time for men to give gifts to all men they know including colleagues on Valentine’s Day). It is not uncommon for a lot of Japanese men to select lingerie as gift items for their friends and colleagues. This serves as an indication that they are interested in a relationship beyond work. They can also get away with it in Japan since it is not common to open your gifts in public.

Eimi Graham, an expert on Japanese fashion trends, writes, “A lot of middle-aged Japanese women prefer lingerie that is comfortable - not cute. But young women invariably wear cute lingerie. Even if a woman wears lingerie that is not so bold on one day, she would probably wear some cute lingerie when she is on a date or is going out with friends or is just shopping after work. Of course, some people still prefer "comfortable" lingerie. The current trend in lingerie is ‘cute’. I've seen underwear in the stores that have hibiscus prints, rose prints, etc. Some people may actually get confused that these lingerie items are swimsuits. Some of my friends like wearing cute nightwear too. Many of those are in "cute" colors, such as light pink, light blue, etc. The amount of money a person spends on lingerie depends on the company and maybe if it is cute or not. Generally bolder the lingerie, the more expensive it is. Last week I saw these thongs in Tokyo that had as much fabric as a Band-Aid for $35 but when I wanted to buy one I was told that there was a waiting period of 3-4 weeks for that design”.

Related article:

Men who wear ladies lingerie

If you have paid even a tiny bit of attention to business news lately, you have probably heard of something called "nano-technology" being mentioned almost everywhere. This is not a place to bore you with details of what it is, but what scientists have found is that when a material is reduced to a very small particle size it starts to behave very differently. Osmotics Lipoduction is a product that uses nano-technology to deliver products to your skin. Since the particle size is so small (smaller than anything seen ever before), it can now penetrate deeper into the skin. Nano-technology is being used for many personal care and cosmetic products but Osmotics Lipoduction uses it for the first time to help eliminate cellulite. (Related article: Plastic surgery to get rid of cellulite)

How does Osmotic Lipoduction work?

If you have not yet read our article on reduction and elimination of cellulite, you might want to read it first to understand the reasons for cellulite formation and then come back to this article. If you already know the reasons and have a basic understanding of cellulite, then here are the reasons why Osmotic Lipoduction is different:

1. The small size of the active ingredient means that it can penetrate the skin deeper and work in areas that no other material can. Before nano-technology was commercialized recently, this was simply not possible.
2. Scientists now believe that it can literally eliminate cellulite (except for minor traces that can be easily hidden) in most normal women and for those women that have suffered from cellulite for a long time and have very advanced form of cellulite, it can be eliminated by as much as 80%.

How to use Osmotic Lipoduction?

Now let us warn you that, like most of the other high-quality products that we try to find for our readers, it is not cheap. So if you are not committed to eliminating cellulite and not go through the complete treatment (for minimum of 7-8 weeks), then you should try to follow the alternate treatments we have suggested in our previous article on delaying cellulite.

Otherwise, just apply it in the area where you see the effect of cellulite, rub gently, and only then put on any other skin-care products that you normally use, though what we have found is that it is best not to mix two things (so if you can avoid putting anything else, you will be better off). You must use it twice daily, without fail so that it keep working on your body 24X7.

Related article: Cellulite in men

While the number of Russian women interested in dating and marrying westerners has grown in recent years, there are still too many problems with these relationships, particularly when the woman is also a recent immigrant or is still in Russia and wants to immigrate as a bride. Marty, a Hispanic-American, recently met Ivana, a Russian girl at the local university in Texas. They soon started to date. He thought they had a great relationship and he was already dreaming of marrying her when she decided to return to Russia to finish her dissertation on Russian history. While in Russia, her phone calls all but disappeared and she hardly paid any attention to him. Marty writes, “I am heartbroken. I often don’t find her at her home when good girls are supposed to be in bed. She neither talks about returning to the US nor of our relationship. I wonder if she is cheating on me or has she just found another man. I am now in a limbo. I feel that if I date other girls I would be cheating on her but then I am so lonely now. Why doesn’t she communicate more often with me? How can I know what she wants? Please advise.”

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Thus, cheating is inherently unethical even if it is only for physical gratification. So it is not acceptable for you to start seeing other girls yet. Unless of course, both partners mutually agree to continue seeing other people while they figure out ways to see if they can ever get back together.

We have a strong suspicion that she is not sure that she wants to marry you though she might enjoy being with you. Interracial marriages are still difficult since they present too many complications in our society. Only very few of us have the guts to just do it.

You must, however, try your very best to make your relationship work; otherwise you might regret it the rest of your life, especially if you find out that she was faithful to you, and if you had not screwed up, she could be your wife. So do your best. If you don't see enough positive indications from her, move on. It will be hard for you since you seem to love her so much, but you cannot put your life on hold just because of her attitude. Looks like she is having a good time in Russia while you are suffering here.

Just tell her how you feel - she does not write to you, does not call you, shows less enthusiasm for the relationship - but you still want it to work and are willing to do what it takes. Is she confused? Does she need more time to think? If she wants some time to think it over, then give it to her. But agree on a date to review the relationship after that time so that you can take firm decisions at that point. We believe that in the meantime while she is thinking, you will be free to date other women.

You also have to ask her why she is not committing to marriage and be your bride - is it because you are still a student or of a different race? People from other cultures sometimes have a hard time speaking openly and directly and never really say what is on their minds; so you have to learn to read between the lines and guess what they are saying. Thus, watching their actions is more important than what they are saying - they believe that it is bad to hurt others by saying nasty things and that is why others get frustrated because they never tell them how they feel. We Americans tend to be more open about these things and don't always like beating around the bush.

It is better to force her to commit to something or else give her some time to think so that you are free for a while. If she really loves and wants to be with you forever, she will have no hesitation in committing immediately. If she is in doubt, then she will ask for more time but it will also be a message for you that she is not fully committed to you and then you can just go on with your life - maybe she will come back to you (good for you) but if she doesn't (you will have a life).

We would suggest the following course of action:

1. Don't expect her to change and start to communicate more with you - it is always hard to talk about it over the phone/internet.
2. Ask her point blank what the path forward is for this relationship.
3. Make sure that you agree on a date for marriage, if that is what you wish. If she resists and tries to put off a final decision you will know that she is not serious.

Related article: How to attract a reluctant woman?

Our readers contribute most of our articles and we often pick those that will appeal to a broad audience. This time we have picked a story of a romance that began online and culminated into marriage. It began in rather unusual circumstances since both Jeff and Mary were not looking for a traditional relationship (as they shared the secret, they were in fact listed in the "Intimate Encounters" section of an online dating website. Here is a beautiful story of online romance in Jeff's words. If you would like to contribute your story please contact us.

"Well that particular day I ran into Mary in a chat room - she was unusually polite when I started to talk to her. In fact for a while I did not even believe that she was American - I was confused that she might be European or even Asian. She was just too polished for the usual image I have of an American woman. We chatted for a while and agreed to chat again - I wanted to chat with her again.

A couple of days later we chatted again and it was the same experience - she was not a hypocrite, I found out. She was a genuinely cultured and sweet individual. In today's environment that is so hard and she indeed intrigued me a bit. We got to know each other a bit better. She came across as someone deep and thoughtful and very caring - things that I admire. She was patient and was very interested to know more about me. She did make tremendous progress though in getting to know me because I told her things that not many people know. After a while though I had to directly indicate to her what the rules of the game were - not that she had violated any of the rules - in fact the only reason I had reminded her of the rules was that she was too gentle to deserve any pain from me. Initially, she got defensive but once she realized that it was all good-intentioned she was delighted by my honesty. And then we both laughed about it - we both wanted the same things. It is just that she did not believe in documenting the rules while I wanted to. It so turned out that she wanted just a soul mate and was not too keen on a conventional relationship - in fact she had just gotten out of a conventional relationship and was not sure that she wanted another one right away.

When I tried to know her a bit better, the word she used to describe herself was "lugubrious." Now I often mistakenly believe that I know a lot of words, I did not know this one and had to ask her the meaning. It shocked me to know the meaning - in fact I was awfully saddened myself when I realized her state of mind. She had not planned to be a single mother and despite all her wishes that is what she ended up being. It was hard for her - suddenly she was all alone. While she was financially comfortable - what overwhelmed her was the sense of loneliness. She had lost the mental connection with the man in her life for as long as two years but when he finally walked out the door she realized that life would now be different. She did not miss him per se - what bothered her most was her loss of self esteem. She no longer felt that she was attractive or that she could be a good wife or even a good mother – that is after raising as many as four kids, three of whom were not her biological kids. The loss of her ‘partner’ of 10 years was not easy - she had not prepared herself for such a life. The more she thought about it the worse it got for her - she felt incapable and incompetent. Her sadness was so powerful that it was drowning out all her emotions.

She seemed so heartbroken and helpless and I could only offer so much. I have always believed in doing my part in this world - bring smiles on the faces of people in my life. I have always been a good listener and have considered it to be one of my strengths. I tried to listen to her and did my very best to cheer her up. Of course my training in psychology helped me tremendously - this is one area of college education that I can use in my everyday life. Mary appreciated my photos of high school, talking about her childhood, and hearing her stories of the teenage years, I knew that Mary was a playful, naughty girl when she was growing up. She was careful not to cross the line - for example, she never did anything that a decent girl was not supposed to do but she always had tricks up her sleeves. She was just one of those all American girls that parents are proud of - good academic performance, active in extra-curricular activities, and a playful attitude towards life. In fact among her siblings she was the most cheerful and fun person around. As soon as she got home, no one could stay quiet - she would be making everyone laugh with her little jokes - what other kids found routine and dull, she would think of it as the most exciting thing in her life.

I wanted to bring this girl back or at least let Mary know that she ever existed. The first session would be dedicated to reviving her high school days, I planned. I told her that she has to forget for the duration of the session who she was today and instead go back into the past. That meant going back at least 20 years. It meant that she will have to erase memories of all these years and just be what she was when she was 18 years old and knew little about the evil ways of the world. I asked her to dress as she would during those days - what I told her to do was to wear a denim mini skirt, and a golden scarf used as a belt, with a tightly fitted blouse with a flowery print and lots of frills around the neck. I also advised to leave her hair loose but with a ribbon tied in a bow on top and to put a silk scarf around her neck. I also picked her boots for her - black boots that looked casual, and came all the way to her knees.

The session would involve going back to those days in high school when she would have difficulty with English literature and her mother eventually decided to hire a private tutor for her to help her. The tutor would come to her study and help her understand the complexities of the language and more so help her improve her composition.

As her teacher, I was to be tough and kind at the same time - to make her learn but also not to turn her off from studies. As her private tutor, I also had to make sure that not only did I teach well but also that she learned from me and succeeded in school. I had been teaching for a short while but I was not particularly good at motivating students who did not want to study. I could not be tough enough with some of them and others would simply charm me and distract both of us.

When I showed up at Mary’s house, there she was – dressed exactly as I had asked her. When she came to open the door she actually – believe me – had a book in her hand. I was encouraged by that because I felt confident that I would not have any problems teaching her – she was already motivated enough.

Her room was tastefully decorated and I could sense that she was very feminine - the color coordination, the patterns, and the arrangement told me that she was no ordinary girl. When I sat down in her room on the chair, I think I was still in a daze - I just watched her like a child who was in Disneyland for the first time. She then stood up and asked me what I thought of her. First, she moved her hands behind her and posed as a model for me; quickly, she turned around and then showed me her back. I was mesmerized. I could not even say the words that I should have said despite being there to teach her better composition. But I think she understood because she thanked me for liking her - talk about extra-sensory communication here! I was expecting that I would be asked to give feedback on her composition skills and here she was asking me if I found her attractive.

We engaged in small talk but my mind was still not focused - I think her beauty and charm were overwhelming. While I had become aware of this through my conversations with her, the real Mary was way beyond my imagination. Her bedroom was very feminine - I have always been enamored by femininity and the soft colors in her room were just so inviting. Her silk sheets and the artistic pillows made me almost touch them.

***

Our session went well and so did the next twelve sessions over a 3 month-period. An interesting outcome, though, was that we also fell in love with each other and got married last month.

Related article: How a woman used role play to make her marriage better

Small bras shopping

We have been trying to compile a list of stores (but preferably websites) where small cup bras can be bought. It is a major problem that women who need them face. Our project began when we were approached by Jennifer in Virginia and we did a story on where to find A and AA cup lingerie. Since then we have heard from a few women but nothing worthwhile yet. This morning, however, we heard from Susanna who has some great ideas on what to do if you are looking for small bras:

"I, too, have trouble finding beautiful bras in sizes 30A, 32AA, or 32A (depending on the style). The last beautiful bra that I have found was on sale for US$32.50 on Figleaves, and was a 32A bra by Lejaby, a prominent French lingerie company (It normally retails at $75). Although I don't like using enhancements, I have found that a lightly padded or molded bra has better shape and is more likely to fit than a saggy lace cup that does not support my limited assets. Victoria's Secret has one in their Signature Cotton line and two in their Body by Victoria line that come in 32AA. The latter comes in a large variety of colors and remain seamless under clothing. I have also found that many of Gap's bras come in a 32A, and lately, they've had a lacy number or two.

Olga and Wacaol both make "petite lines" and